She loves me, she loves me not - I love her, I love her not?
By selece
@selece (2357)
Philippines
November 27, 2009 3:00am CST
I've been away from myLot for a long time and yet here I am again with another love problem... Ha ha. This is part two of my away-from-home post. I need to get a few things off my chest so please let me do it here. For those who can relate with me, please do share your thoughts on this...
Oh no... not another Selece-hopeless romantic post. He he.
Okay, I live away from home now because of my recent job. Thank God it's Friday! I finally got through my first week. I'm really homesick but that's not the only thing that's bothering me right now.
This place I stay in... I'm with three other people - 2 girls and 1 guy. 1 girl being my batch mate and the other being... let's say someone whom I had feelings for not so long ago. The guy being the brother of this someone. Hmm... did I make any sense?So here's the thing... years ago, we had something going on. But fate would not allow us to become an official couple or something like what a normal relationship would look like. and yes I've hurt her for quite a few times for being insensitive. She has hurt me to without even noticing it. I love her. Deep down inside I do love her, but I am not in love with her. There is a huge difference between the two. And for me, a relationship would only exist well if I had both. Maybe that is why things would never let things work between the two of us. It's hard to explain but that's just the way it feels...
Now, we live in the same roof and I say we've grown closer than before. After not actively communicating for years, here we are again. She takes care of me pretty well, and I do want to take care of her in every way I can. We are like a couple but we are actually not... ugh. I guess this is good since there are no restrictions. I sort of wanted an open relationship anyway. But why do I feel incomplete when she's not around? She's usually on the night shift and I got the normal shift so we only see each other at night before she goes to work. We always have dinner together and I make sure to walk and stay with her while waiting for a ride to work. It's like I found my comfort zone away from home, and that's with her. But why do I get the feeling that people nowadays are like dispensable? Is this happening just because I need her more than ever? There's something like a hidden promise of looking after one another. But what if everything goes wrong...? I don't even think she needs someone like me. She went out with her office mates last night for thanksgiving. She said she'd go home at 12am but in the end she ended up going home at 6am. She said she'd go home at 12am but in the end she ended up going home at 6am. Although she informed me pretty well, I didn't get enough sleep thinking and worrying about her. I'm happy because she makes things easier and fun... but somehow I feel that something's wrong. I'm confused.
Guess that would be all... if I go any further, it would be one hell of a long post. and it's already this long. Ha ha. Sorry.
Feel a bit better now... Thanks, myLot! Thanks, dear reader!
Feel a bit better now... Thanks, myLot! Thanks, dear reader!1 person likes this
5 responses
@srganesh (6340)
• India
27 Nov 09
selece!I think,you are dreaming more about this present relationship.Since you don't meet physically for a long time in a day,due to your shifts,you develop more affinity about your love.Well,you want to love her projected image and she may not suit it in the real life.And I can't be sure about her side.So,it is better for you to take leave for a week and reside with her and observe things before jumping into conclusions.
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
I guess you guys are right. Yeah, I won't be rushing things, I don't want to jump into conclusions either so I'm a bit more cautious now, just that these emotions are somehow bothering me. Although of course, I don't let them affect the things that I need to do. Thanks for sharing your points of view. I appreciate it.
@josga2008 (320)
• Canada
28 Nov 09
Is this a discussion or a letter to the editor? What am I saying, even letters to the editor are more concise than this. Just state the problem. Be descriptive yes, but why so many details?
Sorry I can't help, I lost you after the 20th line. Oh yeah, one more thing. If you're going to write something long, then at least separate your thoughts with paragraphs, like I just did Makes it easier to read.
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Ha ha. That's why I made myself clear at the start of the post. And yes I'm sorry this one is not organized, since I was also sorting e-mails at that time (I was working.). I was multi-tasking and I'm sorry if the post turned out into a total mess. But.. as I've said, I wanted to get a few things of my chest. Sorry about the quality. I know people here should come up with quality discussions, but I just had to do this, and I needed my friends here to read this too. I know they'd understand. Thanks for reading. Again, I do apologize for this one.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Nov 09
hi I get the feeling that you are in love with her but not ready or you think you are not ready for a real committment. You know your statement about people now days being like dispensable is what I have been thinking about these live togethers, i know I am old fashioned and believe only in marriage,but hear me out. people seem to come and go like revolving doors, they have moreexes than I have fingers and why? doesn't anyone ever stay committed to anyone for more than a month or two? I think if you really love her and she really loved you then you should propose and if she is not in love with you then she will just refuse,you have not lost anything that you had anyway if she is not in love with you. I do understand what you mean, you can love someone as Ihave but not be in love with them. to have a real relationship both must be in love with each other. thats the way I see it anyhow.
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
I'm glad that someone can relate with what I am feeling. It's quite hard actually. I'm also quite old fashioned, and when I get into a relationship, I consider it with a potential to last til the end. That's probably why I'm also not ready for a commitment. We've talked, and so we've decided that we are going to take things slowly, respect each other and maintain this friendship--a special kind of friendship. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Hey Selece! It's so great to have you back, even with another
"love delema"! And I'm not really sure about this one! I think
you have pretty much figured it out yourself! If you can't make
up your mind, I don't think any of us are going to be of much
help. You already know that you have feelings for her, but not
quite what you want in a relationship. Being comfortable with
someone is a great place to start, and sometimes feelings change
and grow over time. But, on the other hand, someone could get
hurt if things go wrong and you are living in the same house
which right there could be a big bunch of trouble! You are
admittedly homesick, and rightly so! I would suggest that you
just concentrate on this job, do the best you can and see what
happens! Make the job the main focus! Take this "friendship"
as just that, a friendship! You need to really think things
through because you need to live in this house and you don't
want things to become too awkward so tred lightly my friend...
Hugs, Opal
1 person likes this
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Very well said my friend, that was what I was thinking, although of course, emotions are trying to make their way through. The heart and mind are mortal enemies. Ha ha. Thank you for reminding me and thank you for the concern. I do take this job as the main focus, this was just like a bonus. Actually I got to talk to her yesterday, I think it went out well, we understood each other. It's a good start, it's like a special friendship. Right now, I'll just take care of her in every way I can. And as for this job, failure is not an option. He he. Thanks again!
