Houseguests

Hi, doran. I feel your aggravation. This happened to me with my father-in-law one time. His car broke down and he ended up needing a place to stay for the night. So, he had to sleep on the same couch as we did. He was to the front end and my husband was in the middle. I was at the end. We did not have a bed in our home at the time. So, we all had to sleep on the living room chairs.. I felt uncomfortable like crazy! My husband and I wanted to be intimate that same night. But being that my fil was there we could not show any affection. Plus what I usually will wear to sleep that night, I could not wear. Then the next morning, I had to make breakfast for him. It was tiresome. I already had my kids to feed and it was just too much. So, I asked my husband how long was he going to stay. I wanted my fil gone. I did not want to share my home with anyone. I hate to be selfish, but I had gotten so used to being on my own. I lived with my in-laws for five years. It was a pain. And to have them stay with me was even more painful! You need to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. For better or for worse. Don't hide it. Remain calm and kindly explain to him that you want your home back where it was. With just you and him. You are a woman and a wife and you need all of your privacy. This friend needs to work on finding him another place. If he can't work out any problems with his wife, then he needs to divorce her and establish his life being on his own, in his own place of living. It seems to me that he has overstayed his welcome. When it gets to this point, then he should be making plans on seeking him another place to crib. Let me put it in more simpler terms, this guy that is in your home needs to go! His time is up! Give him the hard boot!

Hello dorannmwin, I could only imagine what you are dealing with. There was one time when my husband and I decided to move out of state and at a later time my mom decided that she wanted to do the same so we told her that she could stay at our our place until she was able to find a job and get her own place and needless to say it didn't work out too well and that was my own mother so I couldn't imagine a coworker stay with me. I have a friend that is dealing with the same thing right now and I have told her that she is going to have to deal with it now before it goes on much longer and then there is nothing she can do and it ends in something bad. My husband and I said a long time ago after the deal with my mom that we will never let anyone stay with us no matter how hard off they are because it never seems to end well and like you we have our "routines" and we like to be able to stick with them. It even becomes hard when the kids have their friends over for a night or weekend, one just gets used to they way they do things and when that gets changed it is understandable to get mad or upset. i am sure that people think my husband and I are rude for not wanting to help someone out when they are down and needing it but it is like this for any of the people that would probably come and ask to stay at our place these are the sames ones that seem to be in this type of situation quite often and you have to think if you were in the same boat would they do the same for you? And it is never just the few days or a week that they say it will be it always turns out to be twice as long as you want and twice as hard to get them to leave. I would say to you the same thing I said to my friend, this is your house just as much as it is his and you have the right to speak out and tell him you are no longer okay with this houseguest. Let him know that he needs to tell him that it is time for him to find another place because you no longer feel comfortable in your own house. He should understand where you are coming from and will side with you and if he doesn't you can also do what my friend did and just go stay with a family member of friend just to let him know that you mean business LOL I wish you the best....

My boyfriend and his family have house guests at their apartment for the weekend, and these people are the house guest from hell. These people leave their things all over the place, the mother snores like a Raptor and she loves to verbally abuse her child. These people are terrible. My boyfriend cannot wait for them to leave. My boyfriend is also sick right now, and there is no way that he will get better as long as they are around.

I think that what you should do is just approach your husband and tell him you don't mean to nag but that the houseguest has really ate up some of your "you" time in that you get to relax. I think I can understand what you are going through, your so used to being able to do what you want to do that when someone else stays over, it really puts a damper on your mood.

Approach him gently! You must be kidding? I would have had a machete dangling over his head by now. Welcome guests are fine but this is for too long. Let him go back home and sort out his domestic issues - far away from your home. I would ask him quite pointedly when he plans to leave as my relatives will be here for Christmas and I need that bed. Why isn't he staying with his own family - sister or brother - whatever? Rule should be that you know the date when guests arrive and know the date when they leave.

First of all after a month he is not a house guest anymore but a squatter in all rights. If he is going to stay there then there should be some rules set and personal space given for nerves are always an issue when you have someone staying with you. Been there done that many times. First when in bed with hubby ask him when he is planning on leaving either going back to his wife or moving on with his life. Then start be telling him he is starting to get on your nerves and really need a break from it. Maybe he could go and stay a couple of nights with another friend to help with the situation if there will be a continuing stay at your house till things are worked out with his wife. Just tell hubby rules need to be set and things need to be done. Maybe add a tv to your bedroom for your own personal space and maybe that can be your relax and alone zone at least. After all it is your house not his and he needs to understand what he causing staying there not that you want him to leave but just give space and help out around there. If you can talk to him just like your hubby can which some women can talk better to men try talking and explaining how he has taken over your space and you need some of it back to keep a sane head on your shoulders. He might just get out and then again he might be pushed into working things out with wife faster and make even a bad situation better.

I think that he has worn out his welcome with you. Sit down and talk with your husband. I would tell him that I didn't mind his coworker staying with you, but that it is really taking a toll on you and you would like to know how long he is planning on letting him stay. Let the conversation go where it goes.

HI, I saw an update of houseguests, so I decided to have comment on this one first. If I were you, I will talk to my husband to talk to his friend... well, I am not selfish but if he being so weird and no repeat the owner than he has to go. But if he really need my help then I have to let him stay cuz I can't watch a person has no where to go, but a friend and now a friend does this to him? we should be feel comfortable in our own home if you know how to deal with it. Do you have only one TV ? well, I have 2 so I dont mind at all. hope you find the way out...

Hi Dorann. We have houseguests at the moment, two, but only for a few days, and it's family, which is different by far than your circumstance. But...I've been where you are at the moment, and yes, it gets old quickly and becomes more of a "tense" invasion of privacy than anything else. I would approach your husband about it upfront. Perhaps he has some of the same concerns you do. Obviously, it cannot go on indefinitely. We're talking about a grown man who by now, should be able to fend for himself. This is your home, your family, and the holidays are near, after all! Two weeks is time enough for him to have patched it up with his wife or make arrangements to live on his own. If worse comes to worse, he DOES have his own home. Hard at it was, my ex-husband and I lived together three months after I filed for divorce, so I know it can be done. Karen

Oh I know how agravating this is. You can't just relax in your own home. For most people they can handle it for a couple of days, when it gets to a week it can become annoying. My brother stayed with me for 4 months. He had the TV on real loud for some reason. I told him I think you need to get your ears checked. He claimed they were find. I could hear the TV in my bedroom which is in the back of the house. The other thing was he would go to bed so early and so I had to be real quiet in my own house. The big thing was he was staying in the guest room where my computer was. So I had to deal with walking away from the computer earlier then I would have if he wasn't there. Also you have to watch that you are appropriately dressed at all times. Its a pain in the neck but if he has been there for two weeks already I would be questioning your husband already. That is staying to long for me especially since he is not family. I would be questioning your husband has to how much longer is he staying here, because you are not comfortable in your own home. He should understand that. Good luck to you.

If it is just for a few days then I would not mind. You need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about the houseguest still being in your house. Tell him that you think it is about time the houseguest fine someplace else to stay or maybe he should be getting with his wife to see if they can work things out.

The only time we (me and my family) have had house guests before is when relatives came over to visit and stayed with us for a while. The house was incredibly crowded when they were around and there was hardly enough hot water for all of us, but it wasn't so bad since these relatives were all really nice and pitched in around the house. It's expected that when having an extra person stay with you, some things are going to change. You just have to make sure this person doesn't have these terrible habits or manners and isn't being inconsiderate when staying there. For example, does he insist that he watch his tv shows because he's your guest or is he okay with watching your tv shows because it's your house? Does he make a mess? Use up all the hot water? If he does these things and other things like it, then it may be time for a talk. If not, and he's the nicest and most considerate guy in the world, then there are just certain changes you have to accept. Since your husband has allowed this person to stay at the house, I assume they are good friends. The best thing to do is approach him calmly about the situation and gently explain to him the certain actions that is making it less tolerable for you and the friend to be living together, all the while trying to make sure it sound as less negative as possible (i.e "He's a pig and makes a mess everywhere" - a better way could be, "I don't appreciate how he does not clean up after himself"). As long as you don't start with, "He's driving me crazy!!!" I think you'll be okay.

I can understand how it can be a hassle when someone was originally staying for only a few days and then they stayed longer. I can see how it can cause arguments between couples when it's ones friend and not a mutual friend.

I am positive that this is a tough situation for you that can be very frustrating. I, too, have had houseguests from time to time and it can be frustrating at times. After a long day at work, I like to come home and relax and enjoy my time alone with my wife and son. There are times that, as soon as I get home, I am met with visitors at the house. This just seems to throw everything off and my plans of relaxing change quickly to accomodate the guest. I'm the type of person that I don't like to assert my authority or power (even in my own home) because I don't want anyone to be upset with me. As to how you should handle this type of situation, I will give you this advice. sit down and talk with your husband and tell him about the stress and frustration this situation is causing you. I am sure that your husband never meant for you to have to deal with these problems so I believe he would be more than willing to fix the situation in some way.

I wouldn't let this person take over your house....just think...his wife is watching what she wants, when she wants!! Seriously, just tell him, you like to watch certain programs at certain times and if he don't mind, you would like the remote. I would make an announcement that "I'm going to take a bath, if anyone needs to use the bathroom, do it now, I might be in there for awhile" I don't think you should be edging around your house doing something by someone else's rules. Evidentally, you're finding out (maybe) some of the reasons him and his wife are having problems......let your husband know you're having issues with this person living in your house and figure out how much longer you will let him stay and then have your hubby (or you can, if he wimps out) let him know that he has to leave in X-amount of time so he has time to get another place to stay and other arrangements to get back an forth to work.

Hi dorannmwin. I just couldn't do it, I dislike having my space invaded unless it is by my invitation to stay which is extended to a couple of friends from overseas who want to come over for a holiday with me and who I delight in seeing. Otherwise I just say no. I think you should tell your husband that enough is enough and ask him to eject the houseguest.

Don't let him get to you too much. I've noticed, a lot of times, when someone annoys me, that I am inadvertently annoying them as well. Not saying you're doing anything to annoy him, but sometimes personalities clash. Try to adjust as best you can, and be cool with they guy. If you be helpful and nice to the guy, I bet you can just tell him what you're used to around the house, and he may let you watch what you want with out disturbing you, use the bath when you want, etc... Then, if you're overly nice to the guy, and he still causes problems for you, you're husband should agree when you say you want the guy gone. Personally, I wouldn't put a time limit on when he has to go, unless he's doing nothing at all to get himself out of the situation. If he's trying, and it takes a month, give him a month. On the other hand, if he's just using you guys, I wouldn't give him very long at all. Maybe a day or two, haha!

hi friend,initially my hubby also plan to share our home for financial crisis,but later on he think all our personal value will get affect and we have to sacrifice our small small happiness too,so he itself recognized and cancel that idea,hope you would speak to your hubby whatever you felt in your heart. surely he will understand you.

I HATE having house guests. I'm glad my house is too small for them. It's such an invasion of your privacy, even for a couple of days. You have to change the way you do everything. I would just tell the hubby that you miss your privacy, and ask him to tell his friend to either make up with the wife, or start looking for a place of his own (or a motel).

here in philippines we treat the guest as v.i.p,we made are best to get our comfortable in our house,even when we have no money we will have borrow money to serve a special food for our visitor,that's the tradition of the filipino.treat the guest as best as we can.