Can you think hard about this? Once you do, tell me what you come up with.

hi cream97 I once heard someone remark that man has a convenient memory, he only selects what he wants to remember. maybe your mother-in-law has this convenient memory. she just chooses what she wants you to think she remembers. she is really sneaky too making sure nobody is around when she is mean to you. I mean she can say something ugly but her son is not around so she can sayto him, shes just being mean I never did anything to her. this sort of behavior I do hope is not causing problems between you and your husband? I think you need to tell her to knock off the insults or she is no longer welcome in your home. You need to stick up to her and stick up for yourself. You are an intelligent woman and need not have someone putting you down all the time. I bet if she wants to see her grandchildren she will turn over a new leaf if she thinks she won't be able to see them. I really would tell her she has to stop putting you down or you will not let her visit her grandkids.

Hi cream! It seems to me that your mother-in-law is acting out the exact behavior that her brother-in-law used with her. I would be willing to bet that he would be equally clueless if confronted about the way he treated her. Of course she's not telling the truth because, if she admitted to treating you badly, she would have to address her behaviour. My suggestion, even though you didn't ask for any, is that you don't take her insults or nasty comments silently any longer. The next time she treats you badly, look her straight in the face and tell her that she's treating you the same way she said that she was treated by her brother-in-law and to stop it. Then give her a killer smile and walk away. The shock value alone will be enough to make her hesitate when tempted to go after you again.

When someone is mean and hateful to you, the first reaction is to be mean and hateful back. You are taking this personally when she is the one with the problem. The solution is to give her love and kindness no matter how mean she gets.The hardest thing to do is to be mean to someone loving you. If you give her unconditional love, a funny thing could happen, she might open up and tell you what is really wrong.

hi cream, i can not imagine there is such a mother in law. my parents in law take good care of me, although no good as my parents. but i think this is enough, the reason is that they have only one son, my husband, they have no other choice but being good to me. you are not lucky to have a good mom in law, so my suggestion is that move far away from them, just come back visit them on holidays.

Hi cream97..when my kids pull this memory thing I call it selective memory..She remembers, and the reason she does it when know one is looking is because she knows its mean and someone else would call her on it. For some reason she is making you her whipping boy, but her reasons are also her problems to deal with. You need to let her know that you are done taking it or at least quit taking it to heart. You know you don't deserve this kind of treatment, don't let her make you feel bad about yourself..Consider the source.

Yeah, it sounds like she is messing with you. Maybe trying to get rid of you. Have you talked to your hubby about it? What does he say?

Hi Cream. I would advise something that is very hard to do. Every time she is mean or says something nasty, agree with her and thank her for her kindness in pointing that out to you. Do it with a smile. Go out of your way to do something nice for her. The vast majority of people who are like this cannot take this sort of response. It will either keep her quiet or infuriate her. If she gets angry, it is essential for you to remain calm and sweet. After a few times she will give up and look for an easier prey.

pft..all i can say is she's damn lucky she has a nice daughter in law. because i know i would have been in her face a long time ago. she sounds like a total meddling pain in the *ss.

I'm sorry cream but that's BS!! She can remember every damned thing she's said to you but says she can't because that's called selective memory. She knows damned well that she's said what she said and that it was wrong of her to say it otherwise, why is she denying it? And she did it when others weren't around so you won't have any proof of it! This is what you need to do, get yourself a hand held recorder and put it in a sweater pocket so she can't see it and of course don't let her know either. When you're alone with her again, snap on the record so you can record everything she says to you! Then when you confront her with your husband, you'll have the proof you'll need and HE can put her in her place once and for all!

It sounds to me that she is a very mean spirited person and chances are very great that she is lying to you. She's also a coward to be mean to you only when you're alone and be nice to you when others are around. She doesn't want the others to see her true colors. I've never even met her and I don't like her already! Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija

I was once married to a man like that. He beat me almost daily. In front of friends & family he was always hugging & kissing me. You would have thought we were the most perfect couple. Then we'd arrive home & the door wouldn't even be closed before he was punching me across the room!!! Interestingly enough, he seldom hit me to where anybody could see the bruises. Once he did hit me in the eye. The eye didn't bruise, but he did break a blood vessel in my eye. As I was getting ready for work the next morning he came in the bedroom & held a knife to my throat daring me to tell anyone what had happened. I had to tell people that I accidentally jabbed my eye with my finger or else he would cut my throat if he heard that I had said a word to anyone. Most of the beatings came after a whole lot of drinking. I'm not sure what the two had to do with each other, but that's when he did it. Every year the beatings became worse. He always told me he'd kill me if I left him!!! In year 3 I came up with the strength to tell him that he had killed me already & I was leaving. It was the BEST decision I ever made!!! Several years later I ran into him & he invited me out to dinner. We had a very enjoyable dinner. During the course of our dinner, I made the comment that I had finally forgiven him for what he had done to me. He looked at me in shock & swore he had NEVER done anything bad to me!!! Maybe your M-I-L cannot believe she would do the things that she knows she's done so she blocks them out of her memory. If she admits to you that she is wrong, that means that she has to admit to herself that she's flawed. Maybe she's taking out on you things that have been said & done to her. She cannot do it in front of anyone or she'd not be seen as perfect in the eyes of others. You're the perfect person to abuse as you love her son & wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Anyway, if there are no witnesses, she can convince them you're crazy. Have you considered being a little more confrontational with her??? It might or might not work, but you won't know until you try!!! People only worry about what hurts them. She remembers what others did to her because it hurts her emotionally. What she does to you does not hurt her. So when she thinks of what she's done, she automatically thinks NOWAY...I wouldn't do that telling herself that it NEVER happened. If it didn't happen, then it couldn't hurt you!!! So, she's in the clear in her memory. Since it hurts you, you remember every word, look, etc. It's really hard to explain the human brain. We do things we know better than to do & then justify in our mind why we did it. Once we've justified our actions in our mind, it is NO longer a problem...unless you're the person it is being done to!!!

Your mother in lay , my simple take is ,but just guessing ya ,is probably feels her son is to good for you or feels resentful that her place in her son's eyes is replaced ,so venting it out a way she knows how.Either that or you do not measure up to her as to what a proper daughter in law should behave like..there are mom in laws who expect to be treated like a queen and have their daughter in law serve and pander to their evry beck and call, I suppose you have to reflect back earlier on,how your relationship with her has been like from the beginning, sometimes people just dont get along,as if they are from opposite polarities,i have seen mom in law and daughter in law relationships so close and loving or like sisters or like in your case can't stand the sight of each other,main reason why most couples move out to a place of their own just to avoid that awkward atmosphere..! You do have an option to do that if things get too unbearable,or DO YO?

Oh cream, I know how this feels. I wanted to marry one of my cousins (we marry like that), his mother refused, and i chose to respect her wishes. Thereafter, she started coming to my place and ridiculing that I didnt have monies to marry her son (we have dowry system) and so on. When I raised it she simply said she doesnt remember having uttered it! Well, luckily, I managed to trap her in her own words, she admitted something - like you are not married so your property will come to my children. That hurt! I made an issue out of it, in front of family, and friends. Family friends supported me, they couldnt write it off as a joke after she admitted that it was just a joke. So the ultimate outcome, she has become the bad woman in their eyes! Nothing she says or does will be taken without a pinch of salt now. All her 40 years of painstakingly establishing herself as a very soft natured person completely demolished. You will have to hang on for that long you know. There will be a moment when you can trap. And some of them, she will wriggle out. But your time will come. Hang on cream. Ultimate victory will be yours. :)

listen and this is the truth stop following someone like that if this person only does unjust things to u when no one is around then this person is in every bit of knowledge of what they are doing,be not mindfull of her she just needs someone to keep her dirty frame of mind active be no part of it,can u now see what it is doing to u her actions have now taken set within your thoughts,wondering about her if she loves u are not,why do u care if she cares'not about you,stop being mindfull of her she is just trying to make you feel not welcomed

It is obvious that she is lying…she knows inside that whatever she’s done to you is unacceptable and her own conscience is telling her that whatever she’s doing can never be condoned so she’s lying everytime you ask her about this.

cream97, You come across to me as a relatively young person, with a knack for life and certainly with modern technology. I was wondering if you have ever thought of recording your episodes with your mean and yet anemic mother in law with a digital camera or cellphone to help her recall her sudden burst of misdemeanors. But, yet, I have to ask if reproaching could solve the problem between the both of you eventually. Or worse, it could all backfire and increase the animosity and tensions within. Anyway, I think the problem at hand now would be to find out, how 2 wonderful persons have a fallout and to arrive to such a stage today. I am one for the saying that goes: "there would not be a fire, if there was no spark(s) to begin with" so, I feel that you should actually find what is the root of your relationship problem(s) with your mother in law. Everything has a beginning and this problem of yours just does not appear out of nowhere overnight. I just find this to be an over-accumulative issue, where there's just more than it meets the eye. So, I hope that the both of you could sit down, have a talk with each other and not let your husband in, as this is really between your MIL and you. Gaps of any kind even generation gaps can be bridged when both parties are willing to sit down, talk it out and give and take. Not forgetting a willingness to evolve within, starting with yourself. All the best and compliments of the season.