What do I do about my daughter?

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I am a single mom, and she will be thirteen in about two weeks. Her father hasn't been in her life since she was four. He actually went to my lawyer and signed his rights away without me knowing about it.....and then moved to Florida. Anyway, he has now come back into town, has remarried and is stepfather to her twelve year old daughter who is friends with mine. That is fine. They can be friends if they want to. Here is the problem. He now wants for her to go over and spend the weekends with him. He hasn't said anything about wanting to see her nine year old brother, who has no idea that he once had a father. I have told him no, but he won't let the matter drop. My daughter and this other girl are going around school telling everyone that they are sisters. I don't like this one bit, because he isn't the best person in the world, and I don't want him to be associated with my children. Also, I divorced him because I found out that he has a shady past with a few female CHILDREN. He is a sick man. And now that she has hit puberty, he wants for her to be alone with him in his house?? I don't think so. But I can't tell my daughter why I am fighting this so hard. I try to talk to her and I actually ask her what her feelings are. She tells me that she doesn't want him in her life, and then gets mad at me, runs away, and slams her bedroom door in my face. But then she goes to her friend and tells her that she wants for them to be sisters. Ok, so that is one problem. The other problem is that she hates me. I know that all teenage girls hate their mothers, but this seems different somehow. I bend over backwards for her, and nothing matters. I work every minute I can so that I can buy her the things that she wants and so that I can do things with her like go to the movies. I try to be her friend as well as her mother. But every time I say anything to her, even good morning, she bites my head off, and slams her door in my face. I don't know what to do. I have three other children who are all younger than her. I can't spend every minute of my time worrying about this. I can't let the other three grow up thinking that it is ok for them to talk to me like she does. I can't do this anymore. If I wasn't so scared that my ex-husband would hurt her, I would send her to him. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't control her. I can't do anything with her. She is my first born and my life. Why does she hate me so much? How do I keep her safe from my ex? What do I have to do to make sure that she doesn't end up in jail because she has no respect for authority?