Drinking with an old friend (and his childish friends)
By android
@android (895)
December 1, 2009 6:08am CST
The other night I went out for a drink with a friend who I haven't seen for nearly ten years. We're both 31 years of age and when I got there, he was drinking with a load of very young people, mostly girls aged between about 19 and 23.
Basically they were young, full of life and very playful and just wanted to have a good time, which is how I was at that age. However, these were the only other people he was drinking with (apart from me).
Given the fact that I have three children (so does he) and major responsibilities I felt really out of place and in all honesty I found them to be quite immature and childish. It's amazing how small-minded and immature they seemed when trying to make conversation with me and the questions they were asking me were very assuming.
Basically they were kids and I still can't quite comprehend how he can regularly hang out with people like this. These are people with no responsibilities who haven't yet been through the stress and weight of life that starts to crush your soul as you grow older.
Ironically they seemed to be under the impression that I was one of them and just wanted to go out on the town, drinking and going wild, etc. I find it amazing how they could't understand my maturity, self control and self discipline and I get the impression that they thought I was a boring miserable old sod.
Of course, my friend now wants me to meet up with him regularly, but I really can't bear going out drinking with what I can only describe as silly, immature little girls who haven't got a clue about life yet.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@MJay101 (710)
•
1 Dec 09
"These are people with no responsibilities who haven't yet been through the stress and weight of life that starts to crush your soul as you grow older."
Well, you really are a cheery auld f*cker, eh? 
(Don't worry; I'm also a sour-faced, miserable b*stard...)
I think it's clear to see that you've grown up and seen a little of the real world, whilst your friend is self-delusional and unwilling to grow up, or mature - hence he surrounds himself with young, beautiful things.
Presumably, you both have stress in your lives; you just choose different methods of dealing with it. You go for world-weary martyrdom, whilst he pretends it isn't happening and giggles his way to hysterics.
The optimum solution is probably somewhere in the middle.
Is it likely that you'll remain friends, with such a different outlook on life?
(Don't worry; I'm also a sour-faced, miserable b*stard...)
I think it's clear to see that you've grown up and seen a little of the real world, whilst your friend is self-delusional and unwilling to grow up, or mature - hence he surrounds himself with young, beautiful things.
Presumably, you both have stress in your lives; you just choose different methods of dealing with it. You go for world-weary martyrdom, whilst he pretends it isn't happening and giggles his way to hysterics.
The optimum solution is probably somewhere in the middle.
Is it likely that you'll remain friends, with such a different outlook on life?@android (895)
•
1 Dec 09
Well, not that miserable at the moment really, but I worded it like that to get my point across. I'm happy now, but I was abused every single day for ten years and now I take life a lot more seriously. I did lose my sense of humour for quite a while. When I knew him before I was a bit of a free spirit with no responsbilities and was a fun-lover but obviously times change. Everyone has to go through stress in their lives as my friend obviously has too, but not many people go through it to the extent that I did and I think people find it difficult to understand how I could have had my psyche worn down so much. He didn't seem that immature himself and we had a good conversation, it was just more the people that he was hanging about with - at one time that would have been my thing and he seems to be under the impression that it still is, which it isn't.
@monkeylong (3139)
• Guangzhou, China
1 Dec 09
As far as I am concerned, I like to drink with my friends ,which can be a lot of fun. I am just happy you can enjoy the happiness with your friends.
For me, I usually drink with my friends, whne the spring festival comes,when we will have a toghter and celebrate the very day. I think we can have a good a time,too.
1 person likes this
@momokoichiko (52)
• Philippines
1 Dec 09
well to start with, you better tell your friend you are not comfortable going out drinking with his "immature" friends. Just tell him you just want to spend time with him and catch up with old times. Maybe your friend is going through a rough time and is just using the hanging out with younger kids to escape something. You say he's a married guy with three kids? try to talk to him...maybe he's having family trouble. Im sure he is mature enough for a serious talk. good luck
@android (895)
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5 Dec 09
Yes, I think you may be right. He did seem to avoid talking about his family and work and personal things like that, so maybe there could well be problems that he's trying to avoid - which would explain why he wasn't talking about them. When I went out with him, I was actually expecting it to just be him, one of his friends and myself and I was expecting us all to be male. I think having a drink just the two of us could be beneficial, I've been through a lot of stress myself and may be able to offer him some advice from personal experience.
@CaliGirl5 (3)
• United States
1 Dec 09
I agree, I think he enjoys hanging out with these young people for a reason. He knows he has responsiblities but still doesn't want to forget how it feels to be young and care free. Maybe next time you hang out you should try another activity.
@echomonster (2226)
• Greenwood, Mississippi
2 Dec 09
To be honest, I'm not sure that plays all that much much of a role here. It sounds like your friend really is similar to how he was when he was younger and can still relate to his younger friends despite his 31 years and multiple kids. You're in a different place now and I expect that means you'll have a hard time maintaining your friendship, especially if you're not honest about how you really feel. Unlike you, your friend may want more than anything else to escape his life and responsibilities...it doesn't sound like he's quite embraced "maturity, self control and self discipline" just yet. You should just let your friend know just what you told us and suggest you meet up in another setting to drink and talk about old man stuff without the immature friends tagging along. If he's not interested in that, I expect you'll come to find it just as hard to relate to him as to his drinking buddies.
@android (895)
•
5 Dec 09
Yes, you're definitely right. I need to meet up, just him and me, and have a good drink and chat with him. We've got quite a strong past together, we've been in bands together, I taught him to play guitar and we used to have a great laugh. What's strange though, is the fact that he met up with someone and had a family several years before I did, so it seemed that he grew up and became a mature father and husband in life way before me. Yet now that I've moved on to that stage, he seems to be completely different, I don't know, maybe he just misses the freedom or something.
@natnickeep (2336)
• United States
2 Dec 09
Yes like Mjay said people have different ways of dealing with stresses. Hanging out with these younger people might make him feel younger. And if you saw how immature they were then don't run. Always take up every chance you can get on teaching people from your mistakes. Especially while drinking it is always nice to let of a little steam and talk about things, open up. It's even easier to strangers or people less mature then you. Have a little fun with it next time. Don't get upset that you are more mature be happy about it.
@android (895)
•
5 Dec 09
To be honest I think they saw me as more of a boring old f*rt whereas my friend was more up for fun and a laugh. It seems to me that they weren't really interested in the more serious things in life, they just wanted to get drunk and have a laugh and I think my outlook on life may have made them feel a bit bored.
@Norah0804 (165)
• China
1 Dec 09
hi, android
Thank you for your experience shared with us, i think drinking is a good way to keep relations with your friends, especially the old friends you haven't seen for many years. The atmosphere of drinking will remind you that the happy past you have had together, perhaps the childhood or the schoolmate, i think it's wonderful.
Along with the time goes by, you will be more mature. 10 years later, when we look back, we will see how silly we were in the past.
Life is just a process like this, forgive others' immature, since they are young and everyone has this stage.
Have a nice day.
@android (895)
•
1 Dec 09
Yes, everyone does go through that stage in life. I was young and full of energy once too and I remember those days well, I was exactly the same as the people I'm talking about. But I just feel that I've grown up and moved on and now have a lot more responsibilities. I used to be a heavy and regular drinker but I gave all that up a long time ago to focus on getting my life on track and working towards building a future for my family.
