stressin

That really hard, my friend. Because he is not a reasonable man. In my assessment with this case. Please don't think that I push you stay away with him but this is an advice. Because the things you tried to fix the problems is didn't work...So I suggest to cool off with him to avoid any more consequences and difficulties. I think he didn't want to face the problem and he is weak. Don't be regret when you left him. That's the best for you and him. Because you can be at peace dealing your own life for not thinking of him... Your a beautiful lady, my friend. And I think there are many guys out there better than him. Let your heart free from pain...I hope this simple advice will give you a little idea on what to do. I wish your happiness, my friend and I don't want you to suffer more. Have a nice day!

the thing is, he is the one who keeps going when he is mad.. there is no way to advoid it. We have talked plenty of times and many tears have been shed but no problems have been fixed. It is hard being where i am because i do love him and i have trie but im not to blame for us working, and to me thats hard because i couldnt fix it..

We have talke bout him taking anger management and he tells me he doesnt need it. but since he can tell this time im serious, he'll agree. He does this to pull me back in but it will never happen. And he tells me he loves me so much but treats me like crap, but he will bend over backwards for his mother. So to me that shows me that he doest have a problem with anger towards women but maybe just towards me...

Well, stop answering his calls. Don't answer the door if he knocks, if he persists in knocking, call the police, get a restraining order. Reconnect with your friends and family(very important), especialy reconnect with your more rigged male friends, I am sure they would gladly stand in your deffense. DO you still live at home? Tell your parents what's going on. But how ever you do it, you absolutely must get out of this relationship hon, your life may well depend on it one day.

Xfahctor, I just have to say thank you for what you said. There are so many people who have responded to this post telling Baker that she needs to try hard enough. This is in NO WAY her fault and it's good to hear someone other than me tell her that. Thank you.

He has already pulled me away from all my friends. If i wanna go out and hang out with my friends he accuses me of cheating on him and crazy stuff. He is very controlling and i am a very independednt girl and i really dont know how i let him have thi control over me. Its like oneday i woke up and seemed to not be able to get out. Its so funny the way you said everything i think abut us, i just never put my thooughts in to action because i think i love him but if he loved me he wuldnt want to harm me. Its really hard to pull out of the relatinship because hes crazy, i mean like if i dont answer his phone he will come over to my house or to my job. He always has to be in control and i need to get out but he just makes it so hard to get away from!!

Well we ALL get lonely...every one of us at some time does....and that is the most horrible feeling in the world! And when you are comming out of an abusive relationship you tend to have very very low self esteem and so that makes the loneliness even worse and it is wasy to start thinking well it wasnt that bad maybe i should go back, i cant do any better anyway....but PLEASE RESIT that urge with everything you have!!! Yeah the loneliness is tough but think of it like this....If you are alone and lonely there is hope that eventually you will meet someone and not be lonely any more....if you are in that relationship and lonely (and it is just as lonely) then there is no hope of meeting anyone good because you are tied to that relationship.....so would you rather have hope or no hope? Stick it out and do not go back to him no matter how much he begs and promises things... A better life for you is just around the corner!! Get that book and read it...you'll be so glad you did!

@ baker i am happy that you are getting better now...;) i know that you still feel the pain but eventually if you focus on things that will make you happy everyday, may it be as simple as listening to happy music or watching movies, i know and i believe you will live a happy life you really deserve, just don't give up,ok.. and like you have said, you are not in a hurry to meet the man that would really treat you like a queen.. ;) life is indeed beautiful, we just have to realize it... and another thing i have learned " don't say to God how big your problem is rather tell your problem how BIG is your GOD is.." God bless and stay happy!

thank you so much for your positive words.. since ive posted this, i havent talked to him much. in the last 2 days i havent talked to him at all. i try to stay busy and work as much as i can. That way i dont have time to miss him. It was hard at first i didnt sleep good at all but its gettin better every day!! Im not worried bout what he does or who he sees, Im just enjoying it all right now. Hopefully oneday ill find someone special but im in no hurry. haha

really BAD advice scandinavian!!! REALLY REALLY BAD advice!!!! Hon what do you mean by physical? Does he push you away? Grab your arm too hard? Or Beat you up? Physical is physical and it is never ok but I also know that sometimes in a really bad argument that goes on and on i get sooooo frustrated and enraged that i myself will push my husband or grab him......and he has done so to me as well......and though that is truely NOT acceptable it is a far cry from being punched or worse or being beaten black and blue.....so what is the situation with you? If it is a simple push on a rare occassion AND you TRUELY love and WANT to stay in this relationship then talk to him about going to counseling.... IF there are sever bruses or marks left on you afterwards or you are beaten black and blue etc...LEAVE....lEAVE THIS MINUTE and do not look back.....he will not change and will only get worse the longer you are together and if you ever get married he will feel even more secure in his behavior because after all you married him and you knew what he was like.... Only you know the situation.... and honestly even if the abuse is only very minor....if you dont love him and are just making excuses because you dont want to be mean and hurt his feelings you should still leave.....because the not loving him will only get worse as time goes by and you will be miserable!! Why waste a lot of time with mr wrong when mr right is out there waiting to be found?? Every day spent with the wrong person is another day of your life (and theirs) wasted!! Good luck and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me...I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years when i was in my 20s.

Okay, I just have to say this to all of you are saying that Baker needs to try harder. You can't change a person. No one can change a person. A person has to decide for him/her self whether or not they want to change. The fact that this has been going on for 2 years has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the fact that Baker's not trying hard enough. In my opinion, you shouldn't respond to posts like this. You're not helping at all...

ivbeen trying and if i wanna make us work i guess ill just have to try harder..

Sweetie...he DOES mean it when he apologises!!!! But he will still do it over and over again...and apologise for it every time...and mean it...and keep doing it.. Feeling sorry afterwards...though comforting to you....does NOT fix his issues!!! He can be sorry all he wants but he still has mental issues he has NOT dealt with and therefore he will continue to be an abuser.... You dont have to hate him....but YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! LEAVE ...go live a spectacular life with a man that treats you like gold...and let him deal with his issue...you cant fix him no matter how hard you try and it is NOT your responsibility to do so....YOUR OWN health and well being and that of your future children is what is your responsibility!!!

What you're saying makes perfect sense, so please don't think there's anything wrong with YOU, because there's not. Of course it's going to be hard just to leave something that you've put this much time into. Judging by the fact that you're still with him after all of his apologies I would say you're a forgiver/people pleaser (just like me). But often people pleasers/forgivers can be easily turned into a doormat, and that's what you've become. You know, he probably DOES mean what he says when he cries to you about being sorry. And when he tells you he loves you, he probably means that too. However, you can't wait for him to get his act together. It is NEVER okay for him to hit you. EVER. PERIOD. I also need to stress that staying in this relationship is giving the impression that you don't respect yourself and that you consider yourself to be worthless and undeserving of a good and healthy relationship. If that's the message you're giving off then how can you expect your boyfriend to ever feel the need to change. He knows you're never going to do anything about the way he treats you, so why change it. You'll stick around no matter what. You need to have pride in yourself. I know I'm repeating myself, but you don't deserve this. You are worth more than you realize. Who knows, you leaving may be the kick in the a$$ he needs to get his act together. Please take care of you, regardless of whether or not you decide to stay with him. If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to message me. I'm a fantastic listener. Good luck, GBaker.

that is exactly how i feel.. but then again im like tired of giving him chances but then i feel lke maybe thistime when he promises and cries that maybe he'll mean it. I honestly think he means what he promises but in the moment he loses control. Still there is no excuses for him to hurt me but like you said i feel like im just giving up on something i put so much time and effort in to!I know the decision i need to make but for me saying and doing it is two different things. I know it will be difficult but im so tired of him.. i dont know.

yea thats what i was thinking.. it sucks becaus i do care about him but if we were to get married, i wouldnt want to have children because i woulnd not want him around them when he got to actin like that. I never thought i would be in a relationship like this but i am and i need to fix it..

well since i posted that i havent had much communication with him.. Im doing what i need to do no matter how much i think i hurt. It hasnt been too bad other than some sleep loss but its gettin better all the time. i just dont want to relapse and all my hard work was for nothing. but im being strong trying to stay busy and not think of him or anything to do with him

yea im the type to wanna go to bedand talk in the mornin but he wants to go on and on... i dk i just keep stressin on what need to do, bt i just cant figure it out

then it's really time for you to really stop it, don't worry about the years you have been together,coz it won't change anything he would still beat you for the coming years, don't waste your time ,life and relationships tend to be happy if your not happy then it's time to move on...move on,surrender everything to God....please decide immediately,for many people would still love you and give you the respect and care you deserve...after all,you are strong enough even now with such bravery to ask for advise is a big step for you to take,and gurl,you deserve all the happiness,ok? smile..and let go of him,he won't help you,and you can no longer help him to change his ways...it would take time but don't wait for it,step out and expand your horizons....

we are together all the time other when were workin. I think that our last little fight is really bothering me because i dont feel for him like i did when he first hit me. Here lately i just dont feel the love, where all the others i did, so i would forgive him. I dont know if im getting bored with our relationship or just dont love him. Who knows...

thank you for your positive words. THey will help me alot. I have been doig ok since i posted this, and i havent had much communication with him. That makes me really happy and feel strong! Im looking at things in a whole new way. I know i dont need him but when we were together i just wouldnt let myself believe that.

That's great! Good luck!

Yes i know, and i have had a lot of guys wanna hang out with me when they find ut that me and him are not together.. I know there are outher guys out there but i guess he just makes me feel so low sometimes i dont have the confidence to leave. I konw our relationship isnt healty but he makes me feel like i couldnt gt anyone else, but ive opened my eyes and im not letting him run over me any mre

yea that is true and most of the time we do get along, but as time progresses i think it might be my nature to agree with him to avoid a fight. Im not happy but i think that i have been advoiding th whole sitation.

I know but its just so hard when he cries.. what i dont get is why i feel for him when im the one thats gettin hurt!! i dont know. Ive been trew alot and at the tme i was having alot of stuff in my life he was there so i guess its just hard to leave because hes like my best friend... i dk. i just dont know why he would hurt me if he loved me!