Your 18-year old daughter's new boyfriend has a 9 month old child of his own..
By michelyn
@michelyn (717)
United States
December 3, 2009 3:56pm CST
Okay, so that was intended to be the grabber. I couldn't put all the details in the subject line. He's not her new boyfriend YET. My 18-year old daughter is in her senior year in high school and, of course, still living at home. Yesterday, at school, a guy that she doesn't even know came up and asked her for her phone number. Her friends were all freaking out because "he's so hot", "so muscular", etc. He called her last night and asked her out. My daughter quickly told him that she doesn't date people that she doesn't know. She needs to get to know someone first. He started telling her everything about himself, like he's filling out an application and she laughed at him and said that she meant actually having face time, hanging out, getting to be friends first. I was so proud! They talk for a few more minutes and then she gets off the phone saying that she will talk to him later. She tells me that he has a 9 month old child that he adores. My heart just stopped for what seemed like a whole two minutes. I started to talk to her about the issues that can arise from dating someone that already has a child at this point in her life and she claims that she is just looking to be friends and doesn't believe that it will go any further than that.
If this was your daughter, what would you do if she was being pursued by another high school student that has a 9 month old child of his own?
12 responses
@soledadclickz (1106)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi. I come from a country where parents are extra protective and very conservative. I'm sure that your experience will rattle most parents from here. They would definitely prohibit any interaction, what more friendship or possible romantic relationship, of their 18-year old daughter with a high school student having a 9-month old child. They would freak out by the possibility of becoming the talk of the town.
For me, however, parents are in this world to guide their children for the better. The most that we could do is to present to our children the pros and cons of a particular decision or action. But at the end of the day, it would be our children who will have the final say on almost everything affecting their lives. Their personal lives will be their own responsibilities.
@soledadclickz (1106)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi again. I forgot to add that as parents, I believe we have the right to "propose" the best decision or course of action that our children should take in a particular situation. Life is our best teacher, so parents may have already been in a similar situation/experience when they were younger. But we have to be open-minded that our "proposed decision or course of action" may NOT be followed by our children.
@will_win (222)
• India
28 Jul 10
Though i am not a mother,i would suggest my daughter not to get to close with this guy and advise her nicely ...................this is what i think...............anyway best of luck
@jb78000 (15139)
•
4 Dec 09
your daughter sounds sensible and i think can handle this, as you have more experience then certainly be there with advice if she needs it. incidently i was slightly surprised when you said 'of course' an 18 year old was still living with you - i left home when i was 17 (i'd got the necessary qualifications to do the course i wanted at uni at 16) - but i think this is perhaps a cultural thing.
@kafueenu (1073)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Men like that has requirement from their girlfriends, I mean the ultimate intimacy, if you know what I mean. I would advise her to let him off nicely, be his friend, but not his girlfriend. If he has been able to make another girl pregnant, and it seems he doesn't take it as a lesson learned, because it has only been 9 months, and he is pursuing another girl! See, there is something wrong with that guy. Even if he is the hottest thing on Earth, I wouldn't risk my future for a hot boyfriend. I am only 20 years old, and I think I have chosen my boyfriend rightly, a respecful and caring man, without an extra baggage hehe.
@evaleighna (16)
• United States
4 Dec 09
If you are sure you raised her well, just advise her what you would do in this situation and let her make her own choices. I'm sure she's a smart girl. If she can inforce her own bounderis, then she can make smart desicions. But don't back off to the point that you have no idea what's going on in her life.
@chase717 (65)
• United States
17 Jan 10
I probably wouldn't like it, but your daughter is old enough to make her own choices. As parents we often try to control what our children do. My son dated a girl that I could not stand. We were always arguing about it. This went on for a year and half. Finally, I told him if he wanted to date her that was fine with me. Three weeks later he broke up with the girl. If I had known that would happen, I would told him that he could date her long before that.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
4 Dec 09
I would have fainted…out of shock for both my daughter and this guy!
You’ve every right to be proud since your daughter handed it so well…just hope she’s able to keep her head when she actually meets him! These hot guys really know how to work around girls and he thinks maybe having a child is another bonus for him LOL…not blaming him really, most girls would be head over heels in trying to be a mother both to him and his child…you know, how stupidly sympathetic we can be at times.
@sincere4frdship (2228)
• India
4 Dec 09
Well, I read yours story ...but can't think in this way in India ...that some body with 9 month's his own child can have courage to approach a school girl ...
Before that ...I am not married and don't see me as father on any girl for a long time in future ...
Thanks 
@magentavalentine (51)
• United States
4 Dec 09
I would encourage her to be his friend, and pay close attention to his life responsibilities. He is expected to work and pay child support. If he is not currently doing this, he will be soon. This may not be the carefree life your daughter wants.
I would advise my daughter to not entertain his romantic pursuits.
@jewels49 (1776)
• United States
4 Dec 09
Sounds like your daughter has a pretty good head on her shoulders. I would probably advise her to get to know him for quite awhile before she involved herself in his baby's life..just to protect them all. Kids can become very attached and it would be hard on baby if things didn't work out. He was upfront with her and didn't try to hide it. About all you can do is what you're doing.
I have an 18 year old senor too, it's a fne line isn't it, letting them figure out the adult stuff while still parenting them?
@badfish (208)
• United States
4 Dec 09
This guy may be a great guy and Just because a Guy has a baby does not make him a bad Guy.
Things Happen this guy has a hard road ahead of him and shouldn't be banished from finding a companion due to his Child.. would it matter if it was a Girl with a child and you had a son?
Times are changing.
this Guy should be judged my the Merit of His Character. I would tell my Daughter (and I have 4 daughters) to get to know him and his situation and see where it goes. But to be careful as always I would say the same if he did not have a child.
This guy may just be more responsible and a good influence. with that experience he would might be a bit more mature.
