Realizing what you need, not want.
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
United States
December 8, 2009 4:59am CST
It took me a while to figure out what I needed when it comes to love. I always wanted security and someone who could take care of me, as selfish as it may sound. My first two boyfriends were completely willing to take care of me for the rest of my life and I felt a lot of security. However, the only problem was, I wasn't happy. There was so much pressure on me, because they were doing more than I was and it made me feel like less of a person. I now am with a guy who is completely perfect for me. I am finally happy. I would trade money and security for happiness any day. I am completely willing to deal with the extra stress to have this amazing guy in my life. What do you look for in a relationship? Have you always felt this way, or have your views changed. Feel free to get off topic :) lol
2 people like this
3 responses
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Your words are very wise - "Realizing what you need, not want."
I have never looked for security in my relationships, because I can take care of myself. The fact that you did look for security, however, does not make you selfish. It is what makes us each different, and those differences are a good thing. In fact, if I had been a little less self-sufficient, then I would have probably married this really nice guy that I was dating. He wanted to work and take care of me so I could stay home and take care of the house and kids and day to day things. That is not what I was looking for, so it did not work out. The really funny thing is that since I have met my husband and we had our little one, I did decide to be a stay-at-home mom, but it is what I both needed and wanted to do at the time. Life is funny like that - don't you agree?
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Finding the positive things in negative events is a wonderful gift to have, but a lot of people do not realize they have this ability, even when negative things do bring about positive outcomes. Some people only want to focus on the negative, and they are very unhappy people. Life has a lot of twists and turns, but it is always interesting, especially when we embrace events in our lives that were not planned but have the potential to bring us more joy than we could have ever hoped for or expected to have in our lives.
1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Very true, and some things are very tough to get through, but there's something good that comes out of them. For example, my grandmother passed away about 23 hours ago, and I think the reason I'm able to handle it so well is because I'm happy for her.. I hated seeing her in pain, laying in bed, unable to move or speak. She was no longer my grandma and she didn't want to be here anymore.. I know she's much happier where she is now. I think the part of me that is sad is the greedy part.. that would want to keep her forever. But, that's not possible, and I really hope she's in a great place. A little off topic... :p
RIP GRANDMA!! You are so amazing and I'm so lucky to have you!
1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
11 Dec 09
Life really is a funny thing, you're right :p It's amazing how a negative thing can later cause something positive, and things just don't turn out how you expected.
1 person likes this
@samson1967 (7414)
• India
8 Dec 09
You are not selfish. After all every girl seeks security, more than love, but very few will keep on changing their securities, making the men unsecured!!!
1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
8 Dec 09
It was a scary decision but I knew it was the best thing for me. I didn't want to be unhappy the rest of my life.
@shibham (16977)
• India
8 Dec 09
hi it depends on your preferencers and attitude. my girlfriend was too much attached with me. i thought that she loves me very much but later i came to know that her first preferences is money, i mean my earnings. i am in person is her second choice. so it is hard to sustain such a relation. so i left her. sometimes i thnk if i would be an unemployed guy then would she love me? perhaps not. but in case of u there must be a balance between securities and love, affection. take care.
1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
8 Dec 09
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened, and I think you made the right choice. You should be with someone who loves you for you, not for what you have. I'm not saying that money can't affect a relationship, but in your case, she was taking advantage of you. If I were with someone who wasn't trying to help out and I was doing all the work, I'd have to leave them. But, if they were doing what they could, even if it wasn't much, I think it's worth staying because you know they care.
