Trying to explain about death to a child
By jugsjugs
@jugsjugs (12967)
December 8, 2009 6:38pm CST
There has been alot of people die in our family in a short space of time,most of them went into hospital and never came out anymore.The thing is that my dad passed away over a year and a half ago,all the children knew that my dad was porly and that the drs could not do anymore to help him.My son has had problems with seeing things as in a person in our house that is not there{a ghost,maybe a shadow}he said it was a person and described this person to me after that he was too scared to go upstairs to the loo as well as go to bed without someone sitting in his room.He would wake up during the night and scream as well as panic.So i decided to have a word with a woman that i knew went to church and she gave me a reverent/vicars number and said to phone him and ask for help.Two reverents came to my house and walked in every room as well as spoke to my son.They said to take him to the grave where my dads ashes had been scattered,which was where my great nan had been buried as that would be closure to the passing of my dad for my son.My son now go to bed on his own and sometimes upstairs to the loo on his own,but he still wakes up scared in the night,so the reverent did help abit and he has not seen the person {ghost,or shadow}anymore.I think everything else like sleeping through the night like he used to will come again but it will take time.He now talks about his grandad where as he never could for some reason.
9 people like this
11 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
9 Dec 09
good, you son is working through his feelings about his granddad passing now, that is always a healthy sign. How old is your son?
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (161006)
• United States
9 Dec 09
No wonder he is scared, poor thing identifies very strongly with his grand dad.
1 person likes this
@abeja_reina_1989 (347)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Oh wow! 7 years old. Poor guy! My heart goes out to him. I wish luck to both of you.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
9 Dec 09
It happens and I know it does
As an Adult you guess after a little While what is going on, as a Child it is very scary as a child does not understand
I am so glad though that some closure has been put on it and I am wondering if you take your Son a few more times to the Grave if that would help even more
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
9 Dec 09
We think my hubby visits my grand daughter from the time she was little and would smile and taslk to the wall in baby sounds .
and AS I talk to him myself s=and she is there sometimes she asks cant she se ton his lap and I say yes.
and then sometimes she tells me he is close to us in the yard or drive way.
With yourson maybe you can tell ihm his grandpa came to visit him to sort of say good by but also to look out over him like a gaurdian angel and that he shouldnt be afraid as he meant no harm!
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Hi, jugsjugs, This is very scary, I agree. I am relieved that you seeked a way of getting help for your son. Just continue to pray. You may need to get a cross with Jesus on it and put it on his wall. Pray together before you both go to sleep at night. My son is very scared to lay down in the bed at night too. He thinks that he sees a ghost. But, I tell him that nothing is in the room. So, I just started letting my two year stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. She acts as his guardian angel. I told him that if there is a ghost it will not come in the room just as long as his sister is in the room with him. My kids say they see a monster all of the time. My daughter would even cry out in her sleep. It was like she was having a bad nightmare.. As a mom, it is very scary to even know about this. Maybe you can start letting your son sleep in the same room as you and your husband do. Just until he is able to be strong. Stick by him and show him that you will be there for him. He needs your understanding and support. I really do hope that he can overcome what it is he is really seeing. I have seen and heard many things that were abnormal, your son is not the only one. My son has seen things too. Also try to keep his room door open so that he won't be scared and keep an eye on him. Pray always.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
9 Dec 09
When my son wakes up he always wakes up screaming as he is scared in case he see the person in his room again,so we put him in our bed.I tell him that we all need our sleep to grow as well as we love the nice dreams we have.I have now been told that my husbands mum has a few weeks to live even though they gave her a year to live a few weeks ago as she has progressive cancer.I have told the children about their nan as that way they are a little bit more prepared for it rather than no warning.I do not go to church but i have prayed quite alot.Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
10 Dec 09
When I was a child it was explained to me that if my loved ones came back to visit they would not hurt me any more than they would have hurt me in life. Does your son feel it is his Grandfather that is visiting? If so this might help. Another thing is to have him tell the visitor to go away, this will put the power back in your son's hands, I am sure nothing evil has entered your house, people who are sensitive usually feel those strongly and the two reverends probably would have felt that energy. The main thing is to make your son comfortable and not scared.
Especially children are often sensitive to energy that adults may not even sense, it's perfectly normal.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
10 Dec 09
I did tell my son that if someone was in his room it would be someone that he knows as well as the person was nice as the only people we know are nice people,i feel in myself that it was my dad and the reverents said that it was not here to hurt me and to talk to my son as well when he feels uneasy as there may be things that he can see yet he can not understand and never tells anyone.They do like you say,say the children are more sensitive to seeing things than us adults.
@kellyjeanne (1576)
• United States
13 Dec 09
That was very insightful of you to do that to help your son gain some closure with the passing of his grandfather. How old is he? I have a feeling that it will pass, but, if it persists you might want to consider some kind of therapy to get him to talk about his fears. That could help to alleviate them.
Purrs,
Catwoman=^..^= & Mija
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
20 Dec 09
My son is 7.We went to my dads grave todo and my sons were all relaxed and there was only us in the grave yard,which was nice as then the children were relaxed as well.I think they have all come to terms with my dads passing now and things are getting better,but just like anything else i think it will take a while as yet as he still has problems during the night as he panics when he wakes up as he thinks he will see something,or the someone again.
@GardenGerty (161006)
• United States
9 Dec 09
We should maybe all remember to pray for him. Sometimes when kids do not understand something they process it in their sleep, trying to get a handle on it. Adults do the same. It sometimes turns into scary dreams, though. I can see where it may make kids scared if people keep going to the hospital and then dying.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
9 Dec 09
My son is under the hospital for life as he has heart disease and has had open heart surgery so i am dreading going to the hospital with him as i am sure he will ask the dr why they did not make his grandad better.We have just had somemore bad news that my husbands mother has cancer and they first told her that she had about a year to live and they have now told her she only has a few weeks.I have been honest and told the children that their nan is very ill and that there is nothing the drs can do to make her better so they are prepared for this to happen as that way it is not too much of a shock.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
10 Dec 09
I hope that he is not going to look at hospitals in a bad way as he may have to have more surgery on his heart as yet and i am due for an op in the new year and i do not want him to worry.I think i did the right thing,but at the time i was unsure what todo as well.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Kids have different ways of coping. My mother passed in Sept and my kids talk about her fairly often and have accepted her passing. As they were able to say their goodbyes in the hospital and I have also taken them to the cemetary to say "Hi" and give them a moment on their own to talk to her/grave. They seem ok and the sweet poem I had on her prayer card keeps them thinking of her that she's thinking of them & they are not forgotten. And I think it has helped them as I had hoped to get thru this.
I'm glad your son is doing better with things since talking to the minister.
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Thank you for sharing that story. Its terrible for a child to have to face such things. I believe children till certain ages are angelical and grow in this world protected by God, but as time goes by evil prays on too. Still one should have faith in God and help our children stay close to God, teach them love and strength for the love of God. I think your child would embrace the grace of God just find if you would help him get close and lead by example too.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
9 Dec 09
I do tell my children that when people die they go up to heaven and that is where god is and that heaven is a nice place and that the people who go to heaven look after all our pets and all of out friends and family that die.My mother in law also has a few weeks to live as she has progressive cancer so that will be another upset,but this time the children have been told as then they will be a little more ready.
@DenverLC (1143)
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
It would be better if you will let your son know that his grand dad is no longer alive. Explain the reason why in a most simple way as not to scare him. Just like saying,be calm your grandpa is already in heaven, we will see him at the right time, but for now pray always.. Try to bring him into a real world of reality while he is still young. Never say ghost or the like for him to grow strong unafraid with anything not normal.
