So much for sharing.
By hvedra
@hvedra (1619)
December 10, 2009 9:34am CST
I was at the in-laws yesterday and the neices were there (as usual) and hubby's cousin turned up and she had a sticker book for the girls. Her exact words were "I thought it would be nice if they could complete it together". I thought that would be nice too. They didn't. They both threw tantrums because they didn't have a book each and neither wanted to share.
When I say tantrum I mean screaming and crying and starting to fight. I was quite shocked but not surprised and the poor cousin was upset because she felt the scene was her fault - when it obviously wasn't.
Is this normal these days? Kids who can't share something and co-operate. Is everything a competition that can turn into a fight at any moment.
I admit I spoke my mind and said that the cousin should take the book home and find someone else to give it to because they obviously didn't appreciate it or know how to behave when accepting a gift. She didn't but you should have seen the look I got from my mother in law for being "mean".
4 people like this
7 responses
@Downwindz (2537)
• Netherlands
10 Dec 09
It seems to be less common in this luxury world to share less with our fellow people. It seemed to have been more common to share with your siblings years ago when the money where more scarse among the middle class and lower class population...
2 people like this
@Downwindz (2537)
• Netherlands
11 Dec 09
Hvedra, that is exactly my point, back in the old days children was expected to share thier toys with each other and in most cases they did so. Only the upper class children had the luxory to get their own individual toys...
1 person likes this
@anuramn (240)
• India
11 Dec 09
You definitely was not mean as how your mother-in-law thought. These days many kids don't undersand the meaning of sharing. Do you know why? I would blame only the parents. Many parents don't say the word "No" when their child asks for something. They don't teach their child about the value or importance of the thing or item that kids possess.
@cream97 (29086)
• United States
19 Dec 09
Hi, hvedra. My kids are the same way. They fight over the smallest things. Even id something belonged tp them, the other child will come and take it from them like it is theirs. My kids seem to fight about this all of the time. I teach them to share, I don't know why they stay fighting over toys. I guess that is something that they will have to grow out of. The only thing that adults can do is to teach kids that sharing is a principle to getting along with others. I am sorry that the sticker book did not work out for your kids.
1 person likes this
@mac6304 (76)
• United States
10 Dec 09
If they couldn't share, neither one deserved to have the book. My mom would have taken it away and given it to someone else. Then both girls would have been in trouble for being brats. Your poor cousin was trying to do something nice and the parents or grand mother should have taken both girls to task over their behavior. They owe the adults an apology for their bad behavior.
@hvedra (1619)
•
11 Dec 09
Really, I think my MIL is scared to be firm with them because they are quite nasty little goobs when they are upset. I know grandma doesn't like the words "I hate you" and that if they weren't free baby sitters they'd hardly see the girls at all. Me, on the other hand, I don't care whether they like me or not 'cause I don't need friends that age!
I don't know what the final outcome is yet. Going on past incidents their mother probably went out and got another book so they could have one each. I can't wait until this pair hit their teens...
@sleepylittlerose (1648)
• United States
10 Dec 09
You weren't being "mean". And their grandmother, your mother in law should have been the first to step in and take the book away from the girls for acting like spoiled brats. But maybe this is why they act the way they do, because they are not forced to show any cooperation by the adults that are around them on a regular basis. I know that it is hard for you to do it being the aunt but mom and dad and grandma and grandpa need to take charge of the situation. As for it being normal behavior, I think that all kids tend to be somewhat selfish but if forced to share they will learn that they really get more than if they don't.
@hvedra (1619)
•
11 Dec 09
Oh I know I wasn't being mean. If it were up to me not only would they have not got the book they'd have had some kind of punishment - doing chores, something else confiscated for a week - and I don't even consider THAT mean.
A lot of it is to do with their parents trying to be their friends and never wanting to upset them by saying "no" and also because they are thrown every material thing when their parents spend very little face-to-face time with them. However, that isn't anyone elses fault but when anyone tries to deal with their resultant behaviour it doesn't go down well. I think the Gramps are too scared to do anything because they don't like hearing "I Hate You!" from the kids and they know they only see so much of them because they are free babysitters.
Argh! Families!
@MJay101 (710)
•
10 Dec 09
This is why I don't ever want to have kids - I'd be petrified that they'd end up as bratty, prissy and selfish as this...
Wee blighters! I'd have said exactly the same as you.
I'd probably then have launched into a tirade about the distribution of wealth in the world, with reference to the availability of sticker books in places like Zaire, cancelled Christmas and given all the money to charity.
The kids can have bread and water, and a lump of coal.
@hvedra (1619)
•
11 Dec 09
I think the trouble is that kids have grown up wrapped in (pink and branded) cotton wool and don't know what it is like to go without something, let alone to go without some of the basics.
I grew up in what was, at the time, a poor household, but my mother always said "be grateful, there's babbies starving and people with no homes" she grew up in the 1930's, lived through WWII and the Austerity Years in the Back to Backs in Birmingham so our 1970s life that looks meagre now was luxury to her.
1 person likes this
@MJay101 (710)
•
11 Dec 09
I think that's exactly the trouble: kids are disconnected from the real world. They don't know where shiny new iPods come from, just that they want one. They don't know what critter is slaughtered to provide meat for the Happy Meal, or how vegetables are grown, or how others are suffering - dying - from lack of bread and water.
It's frankly sickening.
I have very little hope for the next generation (I have little hope for mine).
Facebook can't cure all of our problems! 
1 person likes this
@dmrone (746)
• United States
18 Dec 09
Hi, hvedra! I have seen more and more of this out of children these days. It seems to be commonplace now for children to behave like this. As far as your mother in law and her look for you being "mean", i would have ignored her, and kept going. I think you had the right idea with the cousin taking it back and giving it to some other child who would have been happy to have a gift to share.
