What do you think of co-sleeping? do you engage in this practice?
By fruitcakeliz
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
United States
December 11, 2009 8:50pm CST
Co-sleeping, or parents letting their children sleep in their beds, what do yout hink of this practice? From what i understand, in many other countries (other than the US) this is a fairly common occurance. I am not just refering to when a child is a small baby, but even as a child gets older, do you/would you let them sleep in the same bed as you?
Some people beleive that this creates much stronger parent/child bond. I have at least one co-worker whose family (mother, father, son, daughter) all sleep in the same bed everynight, even though the children are 5 and 8 years old. It is just the way they have always done it, and they don't find anything weird about it. In many cultures, the bed and bedroom is not "sexualized" as it is generally thought of in the USA, and is considered more os a family, social bonding place used solely for sleeping and comfort.
Many parents just find it easier, particularly when the child is young, to have the child in their bed as they then don't have to get up everytime the child awakens during the night. But at the same time, this can also lead to the child not being able to "self soothe" and put itself back to sleep each and everytime it wakes during the night. Then after a while it just falls into a routine, everyone piling into bed at night for a good nights sleep. Many times the child will start out in his or hers own bed, but by morning, there they are, curled up in bed with mom and dad.
So how about you parents out there, do you let your children sleep in bed with you?do you prefer it? If so, does it interfere with your own sleep, causing you to wake up frequently throughout the night? and the all important question, how does it affect the marital relationship between husband and wife?
2 people like this
12 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
12 Dec 09
My kids slept in thier own bed.
But now that we have extra people in the house my grand daughter gave up bed to the other grandma.
BUt to we havean air mattress she sleeps on most of the time in her mom and dads room and once in a great while she will sleep with me.
and I am up all thro the night as she is all over the bed lolololol
and really this isnt a problem as her daddy works the 3 night shift.
and he isnt home till the afternoon adn she is with us watching tv or outside if its nice,
I really dont see anythng wrong with it as long as it doesnt lead to incest!
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
Differnt set-ups for differnt familes, that is what it is all about i guess! Sorry to hear she keeps you up when she chooses to crawl into bed with you! Amazing how a person so small can take up so much of the bed!
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
12 Dec 09
Our children on occasion crawled into bed with us during the nite but it wasn't a regular thing. The marriage ended but it had nothing to do with that. I guess there is no harm in it. It doesn't have to affect the marriage...the couple just has to put a little more thought into it which isn't a bad thing really.
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 09
I am not keen on co-sleeping. My baby is five months old. When she was newborn she slept in a moses basket. Then at three months old she moved onto her cot. My toddler son did the same as her. Now he sleeps in his cot but he should move into a bed. He is disabled and can't walk so I worry that he might fall out of bed. A newborn baby could be in danger if the parents do co-sleeping. He or she could suffocate, get rolled on or fall out of bed. In my home country it is cold and I need to have a duvet.
My sister always had her babies co-sleeping with her and her husband. She found that it was convenient with feeding in the natural way. She liked boning with her babies emotionally and she enjoyed the closeness. Not one of her babies got hurt. However a few weeks ago I heard a young baby sleeping on a sofa on someone's chest was suffocated. If the wife wants to do co-sleeping but the husband doesn't there will be tension.
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
That is sad to hear about the baby that suffocated when sleeping on a couch with its parents, but doctors STRONGLY reccomend that if child is to sleep with a parent is should be in a large sized bed, and definately not on a couch, where a child can get caught in the cushions, and not between the parents, but to one side or the other, preferable the mothers side.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
12 Dec 09
As far as I know about my country, India, it is commonplace to find individuals sharing bed with their family members, and of course as you have mentioned it happens chastely. But I don't believe it is for the purpose of bonding or anything along those lines, it is more of an adjustment due to the lack of space or individual cots for each. That's how it happened with our family too at one time, and now we have separate cots for all. I don't see any serious problems with it, even w.r.t the marital life because it isn't normally something unforeseen, so people would be subconsciously ready for it.
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
Exactly. In many cultures there is not room enough, or even money enough for each person to have their own bed. And in other areas, due to extreme cold it is prudent for families to sleep in the same bed and share their body heat to keep everyone warm @ night.
@allen0187 (58582)
• Philippines
12 Dec 09
hi fruitcakeliz!
before i share my thoughts,let me just say that your name is sooo in season!!! lol! furitcakes... december... christmas... you get my drift.
going back, i don't see any problem with co-sleeping. me and the wife sleep on different beds in the bedroom and my 3 year old daughter gets to choose whom she wants to sleep with. sometimes, she sleeps with me, other times she sleeps with her mom. i've never had a problem with waking up at night to change my daughter's diapers or prepare her milk. i think this is a good practice but only up to a certain age. i'm planning to train my daughter to sleep by herself by next year. i'll start by providing her, her own bed but i'll definitely place it in the same bedroom. just too many dangers out there leaving your child sleeping alone (or this is just a scared parent talking. lol!). anyway, my daughter will definitely get her own room eventually, i just want to make sure that she knows her dada and mama will always be there by her side regardless if she sleeps with them or not in the same bed.
cheers!!!
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
Thanks so much for your input! As long as it is something that both you and your wife are comfotable with and it works for you, then good! Good luck with the transition when you decide to start putting her in her own bed! i hope it goes smoothly.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
12 Dec 09
For me I was a single parent when my girls were little. So I would put them to bed in my bed laying down with them till they fell asleep. Then I would get up and get things ready for the next day such as clothes and lunches. Then I would sneak into bed hours later. That lasted maybe a two years only. Then I brought them bunk beds and for the most part they slept in their own beds with no problem at all. Now my granddaughter and her parents live with me. She starts out in her own bed in her own room but usually ends up by 4 in the morning in her parents bed. If I'm away on a trip my granddaughter sleeps with her parents because my daughter and her husband are afraid something is going to happen to their daughter in the middle of the night and they won't hear her even though they have a monitor in their room. I think they worry because of the kids that have been take from their own beds in the middle of the night. I seriously think there should be a cut off age and they really shouldn't be still sleeping with their parents when they start school.
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
I can totally see how it would be a comfort thing, not only for the child, but for the parent as well. I can see how many people would think that it would be awkward for the child to continue sleeping in the same bed with their parents past a certain age, and i am sure many people upon hearing this would immediately think of child abuse and other such atrocities. But i think that if the "family bed" is a safe, happy place, there probably isn't much wrong with it, other than the possibility of being judged by others when they find out about this some what odd living choice.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
12 Dec 09
My Children would only now and again sleep with me not all the time
My Son stopped it himself when he was 5 lol as he said he was a big Boy now and Big Boys do not sleep with Mummy any more he is now 25
My Daughter would till she was about 12 but her Dad would not be there as he rarely was, so she would snuggle up to me
But it was not a regular thing, the time they would want to sleep with me is when they where not well or something had frightened them
I used to find comforting having them sleep with me
@GardenGerty (160933)
• United States
12 Dec 09
My first child spent some time in bed with us, but not all the time, not every night. Especially when I was still nursing him. His room was actually a little cubby room off our bedroom and very close. It was more like a suite and there was hardly ten feet between us. It was a small, old house. By the time my daughter came along, the two kids had the two adjacent rooms and Mom and Dad had moved down to the foot of the stairs. I tried, when I was tired to have my daughter sleep with us for a bit, but she did not like it at all. I could take her to bed to nurse her, but she would not go to sleep except in her own bed. She was a better self soother, as well. When she was older she never would share a bed at a sleepover or family gathering, either, and when she had children she was very afraid of rolling over on them and would not sleep in bed with them and is able to let them go to sleep on their own. My son had step children, and is now separated. The littlest one was not very little when he was first in the relationship, but did like to sleep with them.
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
Many mother, like your daughter, have a great fear of rolling over on them and smothering them in their sleep. And i can't say i blame them! lord knows i leep like a log some nights and wind up in very weird positions in bed and don't remember moving at all! But many doctors beleive that a mother's instincts kick in if their child is in the bed, and this doens't happen often at all. In fact, they often reccomend that if a small infant IS to sleep in the parents bed, that the best way to go about it is to put a bumper ledge on one side of the bed, and have the child sleep on that said between the bumper and the mother, and NOT between the mother and father.
Anywho...sounds as though you were lucky with your daughter, to have such an independant spirit that prefered to sleep on her own, at least in my opinion. I do not have children of my own, but if i did/were to i would prefer to have the bed to myself, well, myself and my partner anyways! LoL.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
12 Dec 09
I would have to say that I really do not condone children sleeping in the same bed with their parent. they will never sleep in their own bed on their own if you allow it to happen. It does take a toll on your relationship also. There is no time for one another.
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
12 Dec 09
this is how i see it as well. But many people in the world look at it as a way of actually bringing their whole family closer!
@aguas_aj (498)
• Philippines
14 Dec 09
I don't see anything wrong when child sleeps with his/her parents' bed but it must be up to certain age only. I guess when the child reaches the age when she/he can go to school. they must have their own bed. Making them more responsible into his wake up time, and fixing the beddings. Though crawling to the parents' bed once in a while is not that bad. It's their way of being sweet
@grajesh29 (99)
• India
12 Dec 09
when children are small (age group-5-6 yrs old) they should be allowed to sleep with there parents in there beds...as they start to grow they should given an separate room.....
@xizhilang (106)
• China
12 Dec 09
I don't think this is a good practice.Though in many countries ,it is common.I think it will make a lose to the dependence of children .In society,we know ,the dependence is rather important.
