Birthday Parties

Hi Doran, I know you know that i have two special kids but i do the same as it relates to "reward and punishment" for some things that they have accomplished and for those not. punishment in the sense that they can't get what they want. they have to work for it. i made it clear with them that there's always a responsibility in everything we do and before we get anything that we want. and they are very cooperative too. i just have to be patient for prompting them from time to time. Happy Birthday to your daughter and i hope she already made her part! power hugs to both of you!

I still don't have kids yet. But, I think kids love birthday parties. it will help them enjoy and treasure these things for the rest of their lives. I understand that you didn't give her what she asked because she didn't follow what you've told her to do as well. But I guess, there are still other ways to punish your child. A birthday happens once in every year only. If she missed it this year then probably she will think over about it in a negative way. i hope you get my point.

I have not yet had the displeasure of taking away a birthday party, though I am sure it may come in the future. So far, my son has just enjoyed time with the family for his 2 birthdays, though, for his cousins 3rd birthday, we all hung out a "splash park" and that was quite neat. I think it depends on the age of the child, before school, I think they don't really care, but in the first few grades it could be a very important thing, probably until they are a teenager, then it would be a drag to have to hang around the family for something. Cheers.

hi dora, yeah, if we do birthday party, our kids will be very happy when they receive the gift and they like to open the gifts and see what they have got. so, i will do to my kids birthday party on 11th dec was my son's birthday.. so, we celebrate on 12th because, on 11th he will come from school very late..for that reason we did the celebration on 12th. my husband bought remote control helicofter,, wow.. it was too good, my son is very happy that day. thankyou, have a nice day.

Dear Doran - i can understand your point very well , i am not a mother but a teenager and i think whatever you did i right at some point but wrong also it's was her day and you ruined it , one thing i want to say that time to time putten restriction and punishment given are ok but at a certain point or at a certain day can ruin your image in you daughter heart , i may be sounding imature or fool but this is the reality and this is human nature , i will suggest you always teach your daughter to clean up her room daily.i hope you got my point , pardon me if i said something wrong and b'day parties are not necessary but they are just for fun and enjoyment.Take care and bbye

I think you did the right thing but..... the real question is: Did she clean her room? If it has been 2 weeks then I guess not! I think if my daugher did not clean her room for 2 weeks after I asked her then she would have alot more to worry about than a canceled party. She would be grounded and could not come out of the disaster area ontil it was clean. Period!

I'm wondering if your daughter knows what she needs to do. I know with my kids, especially my 11 year old and 7 year old if I say clean up your room they look lost. But if I say clearly put your clean clothes in the drawes, books on the book shelves etc it gets done. I have to finish/supervise a lot but they are learning. My oldest boys (15 and 17) let their rooms go but every couple of weeks they clean up without asking. I also know for myself when things get out of hand I don't know where to start, so I think for a 7 year old and a disaster of a room maybe that is the problem. Actually I am writing here because my kitchen/dinning room is a disaster from making Christmas cookies and I don't know where to start to get cleaned up and dinner made. Better go and start otherwise.........

I can so relate to the cleaning up part! Just as I write, we are having our little one take her "babies" into her room. She has to play with ALL her stuffed animals - and I'm talking over 20 of them. They have taken over our couch! Anyway, we are having cleaning issues with her too. We've actually never had a friends birthday party for my daughter. We just had close family ones thus far - and she's been happy with that. But all year she has expressed that she wanted a birthday party with friends . . . so we're trying to scrape up whatever we can to make it happen for her 5th birthday. I think it's important for a child to have a friends party when "they" think it's important. We have on occasion said that we would NOT have this party for other reasons, as a threat, like if she wasn't listening about one thing or another. Lately, it seems to be more effective for me to take things away from her room (or the mess) to make her listen!

A birth is important to every child, but the celebration and birthday party may depends on the time and situation. But we've to give them a word of congratulation and happy birth day with a beautiful flower!

So I don't have kids yet...but I already have some idea about how I would like to discipline them. I agree that if she didn't do what you asked, she shouldn't get rewarded. Cleaning her room wouldn't take very long, it needs to be done any ways, and then she can hang out with friends. If you give her a party after telling her she can't have one unless she (insert task here)...then I feel like you would be rewarding her and sending her the wrong message - who knows where she might take that in the future. Again I'm not a mom and probably won't be for several more years, but I am getting married and shaping ways I would work with my children in the future. Hope my inexperience helps you a little :) p.s. I would have probably tried the same thing your daughter did, I was always one to test the "waters" as it were...

I think what you did was right.It is very important to discipline your child,No matter how much we love we must never forget that everything has a limit.If we ignore these things we are not helping them but spoiling them.From my personal experience,I have seen people spoiling their children by giving into their wishes everytime and now the kids have turned out to be Goons.I am sure your daughter will remember that she didn't have the Birthday party because of her behaviour.