Letters From An All Too Familiar World: #3

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May 12, 1999 - 2nd Hi again, Here I am again in the same old situation. I'm not sure how to do this without being repititious, but I guess it can't be done any other way. I had a short talk with Vicki today at the Longhorn and she was so understanding with what I told her. She and Dave are perfect for each other and they've both been through the same thing, and they understand where my head's at; or isn't, it's all lucrative. She looked me in the eyes and asked me if I'd ever get over you, of course she already knew the answer - no, of any possibility that it would happen - I'm just mentally ruined and everybody I'm in contact with somehow seems to know it, so I never really make any progress one way or the other. I just hate this whole situation and I don't know if I'll ever pull out of it. I miss you so much and long for your presence, but in an affectionate way. I still can't be sure you don't have someone else by now, even though you say no. Everyone I've tried to make a move on seems to know my dilemma and treats me like I'm poison.I thought that some kind of a relationship would help, but I can't seem to get any where no matter what I do. I'm just getting so distraught and so, so lonely, it's driving me crazy. Maybe that's what everybody sees, hears or both. Never - the - less - I'm still in misery and don't know what else to do - I'm hopelessly in love with you and just don't know how things can get any better for me. It hurts constantly and there just seems to be no end in sight. No guilt trip intended. My health is fading with no real end in sight but who knows after all I've been through. I should find out some more next week. I have to know for my own sanity. I just hoped I could spend the rest of my life with you. No one else even comes close to your class, beauty, and intelligence. That's probably, of course, why I'm sinking so fast. But ironically, like the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I just know I'm dying for the love you used to have for me and it's taking it's toll. Please listen to the words of this tape - give me that much - I couldn't have said it better myself