Feeling Weird
By charblaize
@charblaize (1026)
United States
December 12, 2009 7:01pm CST
Today, I have done alot of christmas stuff with my son and we went and spent the day at his grandparents. I was really disappointed because his father wasn't there and then after awhile he wanted to call him. My son (6) did call and asked when he was coming home, his dad told him in a little bit. That upset my son because he knows his little bits....hours later. My son's uncle got a new dog and my son played with him for some time, watched a movie, then he laid down for awhile, got up and played with the dog and his new toys. I was getting ready to come home and asked if he still wanted to stay, he said yes. 6 hours laters his dad still isn't there. I get ready to leave and his dad finally comes home. All day I haven't been feeling well, stomach upset, chest hurting, stuffy, head hurts. With all of this and holiday time, no part time job, bills piling up, son hurting due to his father, all I feel like doing is crying. I feel my fibromyalgia building up due to the pain in my back and neck, depressed because of everything happening, school getting ready to start in January, trying to find a descent babysitter at my house, wanting to make sure son is watched, homework done, getting tested through the school, keeping housework up, no one knows how i feel.
I know there are MANY out there worse off than me and I should be thankful, I am tough and do alot myself as a single mother since husband is a jerk, don't live with us, and don't work. I have been making it this far, but things are starting to stack up and just don't know what direction to go. Maybe I am thinking this way because I don't feel good, holiday time is coming, and nerves with going to school next semester.
Sorry if this sounds stupid, just wanted to talk, vent, rant, whatever.
Thanks for stopping by.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
13 Dec 09
Cheer up ,as u know and u mentioned,,Many are worse off than u,,keep up the good work,,what u can't finish today,,u will be able to ,tomorrow,,
@charblaize (1026)
• United States
14 Dec 09
I am trying, just don't seem to have the energy or determination right now. I have been so busy with Blaize and all the festivities going on and keeping him busy and having fun. I am also having issues with his SSI, the school testing him, his behavioral therapist meetings, doing his homework, getting my class schedule together and things I need and not getting, finding someone to watch him during my night class two nights a week, making sure I can get my books which the bookstore isn't willing to work with right now...I could go on more but thats enough for now. ^chin up^ *deep breath*
@kaylachan (69673)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Dec 09
Sometimes venting and ranting are the best things you can do for yourself. This time of year is hard on a lot of people, especiall y those with families to look after and children who don't always understand why their 'parents are so tired or stressed. To them mom and dad can do anything, never get sick, and always know what to do to make the situation better. So having that shoulder to turn to, virtual or otherwise is all you need.
Add me if you need someone to talk to. I'm a good listener.
@charblaize (1026)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Thank you and I appreciate it. I don't have many I can turn to right now and I know I am not alone that they are others out there worse than myself, but everyday I feel like I am one step closer to being among them. Holidays are worst and it really hurts many, I just wish I could do something for them but I can barely help myself right now.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I think you're expecting too much of yourself! Anything you do is more than your son's father does, think of it that way. Cut back on some things! If you feel like you have to bake cookies--don't. Buy some or do without, it won't hurt a thing. Your nerves are probably shot, too. Your son is old enough to know what to expect from his dad, he knows a little while is hours, he knows the game. I think you're bending over backwards to be sure he sees his dad and you're sacrificing your health doing it.
Make set times for visits and if the dad doesn't show up, tough. Your son knows the score by now. Don't make yourself suffer because of your husband's lack of responsibility, your son probably understands more than you think. When there is an appropriate opening or your son mentions it, talk honestly with him. You'll probably be surprised by how much he understands. Then adjust your lives so you both have less stress because of that jerk.
@charblaize (1026)
• United States
14 Dec 09
oh I know my nerves are shot and I feel there are times I expect too much from my son, he is only 6 and times I feel he should be or act 9 or 10. I know he knows how his father is but he still says his dad does things with him and it hurts because i see he don't; even his parents know he isn't around his son enough but what can you do? You can't force a grown -boy to spend time with his son. I am holding up alittle bit but each day I will continuly see what happens. thank you for your words.
