You ever sit back and wonder why me?
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
December 13, 2009 7:57pm CST
I know its customary to count our blessings or to be thankful. What if you dont have much to be thankful about. At this point in my life I am unemployed, depressed, in financial ruins, and overall barely keeping my head above water. Not to mention that I am not happy in my relationship at this point and time. This economy has all but killed me. All the people I have helped in the past and not a kind word from any of them much less a hand. I am at rock bottom friends and I just needed to say it. I often wonder if my children arent embarassed to have me for a parent. As far as my love life goes, well everyone knows he is my prince charming with defects. He just doesnt get it. His children are all grown up. They arent the picture perfect children that he would like to think he created but I dont bother telling him. That would give him something else to Bi**h about. Sometimes he can be the most difficult issue in my life. THen all of a sudden he's back to prince charming again. Hence the defects. I am in the process of contacting a psychiatrist. I think it may be depression. I dont understand how I am there for him in every possible way. As for me he thinks I complain too much. He doesnt get it. I have no finances to do any type of xmas. His take on it is oh well you can only do what you can do and your daughter will have to live with it. WHAT! SHE'S 14 YEARS OLD YOU IDIOT!. How do you tell a 14 year old they'll be no Xmas? You dont. You do the best you can. The only problem isnt I havent any income and have to rely on him. If he decides he cant give me any I dont want to make him sound like the bad guy because he really does so much. I just feel like I am not getting any appreciation of any kind. I dont understand why this is happening to me in such a horrific manner. Why must I suffer so? I am a good, honest and helpful person. I cant understand why I cant catch a break. Do you ever get this way? How do you handle it? dl
1 person likes this
16 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
14 Dec 09
I am often in this space and when it finally dawns on me that here I am again, I get out the paper and pen and start with the pro and con lists. Of course the con list is always much longer so the next list is the control or no control, after that comes the realization that a great many of the con list I have no control over
so the next list is only what I can control and what I might be able to do, don't skimp, think outside the box. By now you should be getting a glimmer of just where you need to go from here. Blessings and PM me if you want to talk about this more.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Savy you always have the answers I need. I am going to make a list for myself. I am going to use you as a therapist. LOL. I am thinking this is just what I need to put things into perspective. Thanks for the advice. Pretty soon you'll have to start charging.dl
@savypat (20216)
• United States
15 Dec 09
There does seem to be a lot of stuff that comes out of my mind. I have always read a great deal and most of what I say I'm sure I have read or heard before. There has to be some good things that come from having a long life. So I just sit back and continue to be amazed at what comes out when I write. Glad it helped you.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Im afraid I have sucking it up for some time now. Its not about my daughter getting ALL she wants for christmas. As a matter of fact, she hasnt asked for anything. I hate it when all we have is myLot to vent. Sometimes people just dont get it. Thanks for trying dl
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
14 Dec 09
Oh dear, you are really going thru a lot of mental stress…as for myself, well its not exactly that I am floating on air but my situation is not as worse as yours mainly coz I’ve managed to hold on to my job otherwise we too would have to forego all festivities this year.
Overall 2009 has been very very bad for most people I know or have come across but if you really cant fulfil little desires of your children, its all the more bad and Christmas is such a major festival. I really hope you come across some money from somewhere just for your daughter’s sake.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
14 Dec 09
First off thanks for understanding. I didnt want it to be like I was complaining or crying the "poor mes" You are right 2009 was terrible for most. I have heard people tell me that my daughter will have to understand and maybe it would do her a little good. Come on she has been doing her best just so that she can be sure that christmas rewards will be deserved. She is 14. She may not believe in Santa but she believes in me. I never said she needed to get a hundred gifts but not even one? How would you feel? Im not sure if you have kids or not but Im sure you know what it feels like to be let down. I think as kids we all experienced wanting something and then finding out we cant afford it. I did and I remember how I acted brave so my parents wouldnt see how let down I was. I dont want my baby girl to experience this. She has been thru two episodes with leukemia and survived. Hasnt she been thru enough? I think so. I am praying for a xmas miracle. This child has had enough heartache. I feel so bad my friend. You shouldnt feel like this. You need to focus on making your dreams become reality. If you need any help, let me know. You are only young for a minute or so it seems. Dont waste it being let down. You are clearly in search of something to fill the void that makes you feel hopeless. I would do some soul searching and figure out what it is I want out of life. Once you figure out what your dream is, fulfilling it is easy. If you need any advice or help, Send me a private message and we'll go from there. Happy Holidays my friend. dl
@Louc74 (620)
•
19 Dec 09
Awww, Dloveli! They say the darkest hour's before dawn. I hit rock bottom about two years ago, when I had to make the decision to sell the house I'd spend a fortune on, for very little return. Well, basically no return except to pay all of my debts off, but at least that was something!
It's only really in the last few months that it's started coming together, so it can take a while, but the first part, I feel, is making yourself feel better - you can't help anyone else if you don't look after you first.
Can I recommend the Sedona Method? Don't pay for it online - you'll get it in a file sharing community - it costs a fortune otherwise. But it's about taking control over your emotions, which helps you take care of all areas of your life. The very first time I tried it, it was like a complete revelation, and a complete turnaround for the way I was feeling.
I hope some good luck comes your way soon. You'll be in my thoughts.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
20 Dec 09
Thanks Louc! I made a note of your recommendation. I am going to look into it. Things are beginning to feel a little better. I dont know clearly what this means. But I am hoping its only the beginning. I have a few interviews coming up finally. Well take it from there. thanks for your helping. dl
@ahkkiihs (29)
• Philippines
14 Dec 09
There's a lot to be thankful for really. One is be thankful you're still alive and you have a daughter. The latter is I guess even better than life. Well, I have not experienced yet how to be a parent because I'm still young but I did experienced how to be a daughter. And believe me, all my life I never really had a very good Christmas. Most of the times, I experience with my Mom and Dad arguing. And that's too bad for a child to witness. And I have many experiences celebrating Christmas in tears. But still, you could make Christmas happen for your daughter, just be there for her.
And may I add, Christmas is for us to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. So the best way to celebrate Christmas is to remember His birth and all that He did for us. His sacrifice is one great thing to be thankful for.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Listening to you talk about your christmas'brings back memories. My parents would do the same thing. It would end up with a big fight. Mom and dad arguing because dad, once again,drank too much. It was worse when they got divorced. Then my dad would stop by to give us gifts and get everyone going on how he loves us but my mom doesnt want him to be there. ON and ON and ON.... When I had my first daughter I made a promise that she will never have those types of holidays. Until this very day she hasnt. She is now grown up so holidays arent the same to her as they are to my younger daughter. I wll be happy when these holidays are over.
@catie84 (7)
•
14 Dec 09
I know the feeling. I seem to be forever down on my luck and trying to make a better life for my family. I dont enjoy being in the surviving catagory and would just love to be able to live, and feel like I am giving my children everything they need and deserve in life. My husband works so that means that we are not entitled to any benefits, yet we get to watch his ex wife breeze along unemployed recieving every benefit she can enjoying a better quality of life than we are, yet whenever his daughter needs new shoes its us that fork out for it! My life is far from perfect and they are days when I could just scream. Everyday I continue my search for bigger better things, cause if I stopped I would risk getting to the 'crushed' place your in now. Things will get better, and anything worth having doesnt come easy. Keep your nose to the grind stone, your day will shine through. Dont give up or you'll have no chance. In it to win it :D Most important of all, smile! Your daughter will feed off your mood, and even if you dont feel too great a smile will reassure her things are fine. At 14 you would find she would choose your happiness everytime, and would be devastated to find you making yourself ill for the sake of something you dont have the means to provide. Remember christmas is about family, and loving one and other. Its all she will ever need x
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Catie thank you soo much for your response. It was nice to know that you kind of understood where I was coming from. I see you dont have it so great either. It is the same here my friend. All the people that really need assistance dont get it. Yet they give to the people who either dont need it or are being lazy and using the system to pay for it. Life is definitely not fair. This I know for sure! The funny thing about my daughter is that she has told me that it doesnt matter. She just want us to be together. Its me that is feeling less than worthy. I wish you could meet her. She is a unique and beautiful individual. She has been thru alot health wise so I think that makes her and old soul. Thank you for taking the time to share with me. Happy Holidays to you and yours. Maybe your husbands ex will get what she deserves this year from santa. A stocking full of SH*T! lol never mind the coal. dl
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
14 Dec 09
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It really stinks to be in the situation that you are in. Although if he is supporting you and really cares, he knows that your daughter will not understand. She may understand, but will be very upset. I hope he comes around.
@wildcat48 (779)
• United States
14 Dec 09
honey,i am in the same spot you are in but my little girl is 8 years old
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 09
dloveli I feel so badly for you, and somehow I feel you are painting a too good picture of you prince charming,if he was there for you and your daughter he would be giving you money for'christmas at least for your daughter. no hes not prince charming , he is more of a Prince Uncharming and I am beginning
to think if I were you i would get a job, get some help from relatives or friends, and kick Prince Charming to the curb. maybe then he would get it. If he does so d amned much dloveli then why the hell is he not doing this now? do not keep making excuses for him,you know what he is, tell him either he helps make Christmas for you and your child or he can go kiss your a@@ and leave at once. You deserve much better and you know it. I wish to God I had some extra money I would send it to you. You are a good person it rings through in your discussions. give him the boot.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Thanks Hat! I am always painting pictures of people to make them look good. Its a character flaw of mine. I have been actively looking for employment since I got laid off. I have filled out 312 applications and nothing. I have skills thats whats so puzzling. As far as he goes, He pays all the bills plus he pays and extra $150 a month for rent so I can keep my two dogs and cat. He really does help. Not as much as he could. He thinks my daughter is spoiled. With my income I dont see how that is possible. He thinks I do whatever she asks. I do. My parents didnt take me seriously as a child. I take my daughter very seriously. I spend time with her.I think that bothers him. Honestly I have been thinking that when I get my taxes back that I would maybe get a place. He is so moody. I just dont need it right now.I do everything for him and no matter what its always something. Idont know Hatley I dont want to leave but if it doesnt get better, I see no choice. Thanks for listening. Happy Holidays. and thanks for being a friend. Dont have many of those lately. dl
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Hey sis~ I hate to hear that things are so bad for you right
now! I wish I could help or at least say some worthwhile words
of encouragement, but honestly I am in a similar situation
myself, minus the kids. I know how awful it must feel to have
to rely on someone, who you really don't want to rely on and
it makes you unhappy and upset at the same time! That part I
really can understand. I wish I could think of an easy way out
of this for you, but sadly I can't really come up with anything
except to tell you to stay strong, hand in there and pray and
maybe the answer will come! I will be praying for you! Hugs, your
twin sister, Opal
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Dec 09
Opal I dont really know her husband but could you not put a bug in his ear and get him to help her make Christmas for her little
girl.God, I wish I had a lot of money I would send it to her, she sounds so sad.
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
16 Dec 09
It sounds like you are having a bad time ,everything is going wrong at once no wonder you are getting ill.I happen to agree with your partner as we have had to tell my son there will not be a lot this year.He took it very well and has even started turning off the lights and helping to save money by not asking for anything extra.Do not underestimate your daughter she has probably guessed your financial situation anyway.Explain to her how hard things are and you will be surprised by how well she takes it.It is the parents that feel bad and guilty not the kids.I know loads of people who are in the same boat as you.it is not ideal,but you will survive this.There are many people in bed and breakfast that won't even get a christmas dinner.I think we should count our blessing and adjust to not having much.To be honest I feel the same as you.I have spoken to my friends and told them I cannot buy for them this year,my family will only get a little bit each.They know if I have it I will give it,but no one has stopped talking to me.They are bringing stuff over on boxing day,ones bringing ham anothers bringing bread and milk and so on.Stop feeling embarrased ,you don't need medical help you need to accept your situation just like your partner has.You will be alright,you will cope just like the rest of the world.Please take care and give your partner a break he is doing his best.love sue.
@liuzhi (265)
• China
14 Dec 09
I'm still a college student in grade two.But I also feel the great pleasure due to the gloomy employment situation in our country.I'm the only one child in my family. The price for house is rising higher that most of us ,the 80s' generation,cant afford it.we still need our parents’ fanancial aid .This really makes me feel sorry for my parents.Sometimes i will also sit back and ask me why should our genenration bear such big burden?What i could see ahead is just a black wall of night.Hope things will be smooth in the future~
1 person likes this
@yatkowitz09 (7)
• United States
14 Dec 09
I have been in this same situation. I was homeless and my friends let
me sleep in there home in the bronx. I got some money from friends selling
bootleg movies, dvd's and cleaning my friends house. I had to watch kids
to live at my friends house, type a history term paper for $20.00-
at the last minute when her niece didn't do the assignment correctly.
I started do witchcraft and my life changed. I sent away for spells
and did chants from the book chant-o-matics. This book help my mother
win big money. It has helped me too. I will continue to do witchcraft
to help keep me out of the homeless shelter. I also, help people other
than myself. I try to stay blessed.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
14 Dec 09
You do understand where Im coming from. I am not feeling sorry for myself. Its just that I want to be happy. I have been trying so hard to make myself happy. I knew when I started this discussion that I would have people that would tell me to get over it. I am so glad that you have shared your story with me. I hope you cant say a spell for me and my daughter. I would like to hear more about your spells and chants. dl
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
14 Dec 09
Yes I am in kinda of same situation as you not all the way but I have not found a job since they closed my last one down. That's been since the end of September. Sometimes I just feel like giving up but I know I got to keep going. I have applied to over 100 places and nothing! What is it? I have drained my bank just in gas going around looking and not having any luck! I don't understand it I have 4 years plus in customer service and these stupid stupid temp agencies say o yes we have jobs then when you go in fill out the application and take all of their stupid tests they say O.K. we'll put you on the list we don't have anything right now LIARS! And my husband doesn't make hardly any money we are barely making it and I feel for you and your daughter I'm sorry to hear you are down and hope it all works out for you and family! As for me I will not be able to have a Christmas this year either.
And as for your husband if you are not happy the best thing to do is move on. Like my mother always told me there are plenty of fish in the sea
I will say a prayer for you Have a good day and try not to stess too much because it can make you physically sick I know from experience.
And as for your husband if you are not happy the best thing to do is move on. Like my mother always told me there are plenty of fish in the seaI will say a prayer for you Have a good day and try not to stess too much because it can make you physically sick I know from experience.
@zahidz (311)
•
14 Dec 09
yeah this is the stage in life which i think every normal people get passed to. I also felt this along ago but when i think now i really Thanks God that with those things experience, i start recognizing the people around me and getting strength that its me who were believing every one and in this time,no one is believing or trusting me.After looking all these,i give my life a new look and stand against the problem i was in and at that time it was only God who help me and make my things get to normal :)
