i am contemplating of cheating on my partner!!!!

I read this as TWO people with a problem, not just you. You have a problem, in that you don't feel that your partner is giving you what you need and you have tried to tell him that but he won't let go. He has a problem, perhaps, in that he can't understand that you are an individual and have needs (and rights) as a person. It is quite possible to care about someone and their feelings and still to know that they are not the right person for you and it is also quite possible for someone to need something from someone without understanding what it is they need. 'Love' in partnerships (whether it's a marriage or whatever) is rarely 'pure' and 'true'. In fact, there is usually some kind of dependency involved, whether it's the woman's need for security or her need to 'mother' or the man's need to be 'proud' in the eyes of his peers, to feel dominant over someone, to be protective ('fatherly') or simply to be 'mothered'. Most of those are feelings that very few of us admit to but they are still important. First of all, you are NOT "narrow, hopeless, bad or even the worst person you have ever been" ... for having this kind of thought. He probably deserves you more than he knows. However, that isn't going to help your relationship any (though, once you stop thinking of yourself as a bad person, it should help YOU some!) You are not a bad person. You are a sensitive and caring person (I can tell from just the way you write this) and I also know that you would really feel TERRIBLE if you really did 'cheat'. You do sound desperate, though, and that is, partly, perhaps, what has led you to these thoughts. Second, I am (perhaps cynically) a little dubious about the 'unconditional love' offered by someone else. I really hate to say this but (as a male) I have "been there, done that" and it is really nearly always an illusion which we males, at best, can totally believe in (and, at worst, can say it convincingly enough, knowing that they lie). It's a bait, sadly, that we have learned to use because it's bright and shiny and nearly always works. As I say, many of us are captivated by our own lure and may completely believe in it. Unfortunately, once the 'mermaid' is on the line, it's "life as before" ... for most of us. Don't think of 'cheating' as a way out, especially if the other guy is offering "unconditional love". YOU are what matters. If you can't stand up for yourself and make a clean break from the relationship you are in, then, for heaven's sake don't use someone else as an excuse to help you do it (however much 'unconditional love' they are offering) ... THEY don't deserve that of you and nor do you deserve that of yourself. What you DO deserve is to believe in and love yourself as a person ... and to be loved because you are WHO you are (which is a little different from 'what you are', if you understand me).

Hi dear! Are you serious or you just want to know reactions of your friends here on your course of action? Are you sure going with someone else will mitigate your sufferings? I feel that there is no surety that if you cheat and go with other person you will be happier. YOU may or you may not stand better in case of betrayal. I being your well wisher won't subscribe to your theory.

if you feel this strongley that your partner is not treating you right, why don't you just end it. what is the point of being with someone that doesn't make you happy? if this other person loves and cares for you, why don't you leave your boyfriend and be with that other person? cheating is wrong. i would just leave....

Well, it's a choice only you can make. Either leave him, or stay and be faithfull. You say you don't want to leave him because it would hurt him, cheating on him will hurt just as much, if not more so.

wow, you can make this justified, and I give you that. I don't know whether you done the right thing or not. Why not have a nice chat with your partner, and tell him how much he hurt you in feelings. If he understand, give him another chance to improve his quality. Or you declare your independence from him forever. It will be your call after all.

I was in a similar relationship. I cheated, it ended badly! It would have been so much better to just end the relationship and be honest and tell him that I wasn't happy anymore. It seems that you would be happier if you just left and you could find someone that will love you and make you happy.

Hi eurekafemme, Cheating is never a good answer to your problems. What do you hope to accomplish? I think it would bring more problems into your life than you are anticipating. If your partner is that bad then you should leave him. Bringing another man into the picture is only going to complicate things and no doubt make them worse. Why would you do that to this other man? It sounds to me as if you are hurting and not thinking clear.

Hi, eureka. Cheating will only makes issues worse. It will leave you feeling very bad. In the long run you will regret it and maybe even hate yourself for cheating. Two wrongs, don't make it right. If he is not treating you right, depart from him. Save your love for this new soon to be man in your life. He is going to need all the love that you can give him! Just be a woman about this and respect yourself better than you are doing!

why did you select good way to deal with this relationship?hurting someone could not good way.this could let someone more painful for it.everybody dont hope that unhappy thing happen with his owned,why did you can give happy way to complete your relation with him?

Why don't you just leave him? Based on what you're saying, you partner doesn't deserve you. You don't have to add guilt to your sufferings by cheating on him. If you two are married there's legal separation as an option. Cheating on him would only add insult to injury and you're only inviting more trouble than what you're into right now. Separating with your partner will set you free, while cheating on him while your still together is just like digging your own grave. You will always be the loser in the eyes of every one if you cheat on him. Cheers!

well i will suggest you to not to cheat him just be open to him and leave him . cheating will put a bad impression of yours on him and anyone else who will got to know that you cheated him , just go to him and say i am leaving you and don't want to continue relation with you as you are giving me the love i deserve and i am getting involved with some other guy who love me a lot but make sure the other actually loves you because may be the guy you think love you more is a cheater and the guy you think don't love you loves you the most may be because of some problem he is not able to pay attention towards you.

Hi there, Wooh your quite honest in public. If you think your long partner does not deserve your love by hurting you in ways you did not mention, then why do you have to pro long your agony with him?You all have the right to say Enough and start a new normal life. However if you really love him, love will understand even the most wicked act from a lover right? Never solve a problem by entering into another one without assurance of your welfare and its better result.Love until you can, but end it up formally without need of cheating him, dump him first properly. and he will respect you even the society.

Well, go on girl. But I think in the end you will be the one will be hurt... know what I mean....

Dont do that dear! That will do you no good!

How long have you been with this partner? Are you married? Do you have children? How you describe your feekings is very similar to how I felt with my ex husband. Would I have cheated on him had there been someone else? Possibly. I was fairly desperate to get some kind of love from my husband and it wasnt forthcoming. Probably though, rather than complicate your situation by having an affair while yoiu are with this partner, it may be better to rethink your future with him. Get marriage guidance couselling if possible. If you decide is is no longer good for you to stay with this person, organise a separation. Then you can go this ther person who is offering unconditional love.

Don't cheat, Ditch the first guy before you mess with the other.

I understand how you feel. It is very hard indeed. Your partner may no longer love you because he is causing you so much pain. This is my advice for you. Break up with him or if you are married file for an annulment or divorce and you can be free. The freedom to do everything will be yours. That's the right thing to do not cheating.

If you are not satisfied with your current relationship, you can end it instead of cheating after all you are not married right. Good for you, you have seen someone else who appreciates you.

Hi, you are really hurt deeply. But, I sense a lot of honesty in your words. You appear to have a lot of inner strength in you, yet confused which is natural. Your husband or long time partner may be only simply human and human beings are not known to be perfect. Just think about it -- who should be primarily responsible for YOUR feelings, YOU or someone else. YOU are hurt probably because he did not act in ways YOU wanted him to; YOU probably expected things which he did not deliver; YOU harbored an image of him which turned out to be not so real. Try being responsible for your own feelings -- why let someone else control them. So take some time off, relax and act rationally. Another thought -- why YOU or someone else be slave of your feelings; feeling are just feelings, they come and go.

Break up with your partner first then date. You may regret the cheating as the heartache is not worth it. Who knows what your partner will do. If this person is treating you badly, don't worry. He will get it all back. I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. The law of nature will take care of him. That's for sure.