Do we control HOW WE FEEL or just HOW WE REACT?
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
December 16, 2009 9:36pm CST
Question of the day.... and give me your honest opinion. Do you actually believe that we control how we feel, or do we just feel? Did you CHOOSE who you fell in love with? Do you CHOOSE who you DON'T click with purposely?
My take is that we just feel. I don't believe we have any control over feelings. Now we DO have control over how we react to things, situations, people, etc. For example, if you meet somebody and you like them - but it's inappropriate or inconvenient - what do you do..... obviously you don't start an inappropriate or inconvenient relationship, correct? If you do, you figure out a way to make it NOT inappropriate or NOT inconvenient, or you justify it somehow.
The problem is that we don't seem to be able to control our reactions to things because we can't handle how we feel.... What do you think?
3 people like this
19 responses
@abhikmjmdr (779)
• India
17 Dec 09
Some emotions are impossible to control like intense grief or joy.But generally people tend to keep their emotions under control and only show those emotions which would give them maximum advantage in a given situation.To be an open book and show how one feels is not the cleverest thing to do as people tend to take advantage of such a person.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 Dec 09
Depends on the people you choose to surround yourself with though, doesn't it? As long as you trust your friends and family and don't purposely surround yourself with people who take advantage of you, it is easier to be who you are without having to be so cynical. I don't believe I should HAVE to be suspicious of people or always worry about people taking advantage. Then again, if someone DOES try to take advantage, i don't take that. I usually smack that down before they get a chance to try again.
@kaylachan (69824)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
17 Dec 09
In a way I think they both go hand in hand. Sometimes our emotions control how we react. Or we can take control when the need to do so comes up. Our reactions are often influanced by our emotions. So we have to chose how to react especially if it's something that bothers us in general. Because people can react differently to varying situations based on how things go in general. So we learn to supress our emotions, then our reactions to such emotions will fallow suit. Knowing when, where, and how to release emotion or express emotion is the real key and trick.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 Dec 09
Suppressing your emotions can be unhealthy though, and acting in a way directly opposite of how you feel is pretty much lying to yourself and others. I do not stand behind doing either of those things excessively, although once in awhile if there is a good reason, perhaps. I have seen too much that people who suppress emotion and hide or stuff down all their feelings become unhappy, and they become unhappy because they are not honest with themselves or others. As a result, they are not really who they are - who other people see is not the real person. That.... is sad. It can also lead to situations where when that person gets fed up enough, they explode, and often hurt other people who had no idea the person was a ticking time bomb because they always acted as if things were okay.
I've even been guilty of that before. That is one reason why for the most part, I am who I am. People like it or they don't, but I don't give excuses or apologize for it.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 09
I do not believe that we can control how we feel, but yes it is possible to control how we react
Like you say also it is hard to control most feelings as we can not control to feel what we want to feel so basically you follow your instinct as to how to react to a feeling but even that when it comes to the heart is not possible
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 09
I'm completely with you on this one. I think that we have no control at all whatsoever as to how we feel. However, I know that we do have a lot of control over how we choose to react to the way that we feel. I am able to make an immediate judgement about people and it is often my immediate judgement that controls the way that I react for that person for some time to follow. Then there are other things that happen that make us very happy or very sad, but it is not always appropriate to show the complete reaction at the given time. It is very important in that moment to control the way that we are reacting to the situation.
@good2go2001 (915)
• United States
18 Dec 09
Controling how to react i feel is always a will of choice. I control how i react not that i always react in a way thats positive but i am the one in control so no one else to blame but me. Now for the controling our feelings part hmmmmmmm i think it depends on the situations really....i have been in situations that have been very stressful and i used techneques to help control my emotions and feelings so i think that is picking how you feel. On the other hand ive been in a very entense online relationship that i cant control how i feel about my partner. I dont know how this could happen because i wasnt able to touch ortalk in person to him but still i knew i was with my soul mate.I seriously tried to control my feelings because i was against any type of online relationships but the more i tried to surpress my emotions and feelings toward this man i just couldnt. So in some situations i dont think we can control our emotions.
@kashers (649)
• Jamaica
18 Dec 09
i am a control person i never liked it when anything at all had control of me so i never stop studying how to be in control until i got there and i am now in total control of my feelings,to control feelings u control the desires,to control desires u control ego to control ego is to control your energy to control your energy u must learn to relax,to learn to relax u must learn to let go,learning to let go u must have faith in truth and love,and this is how i became sucessfull in control of my feelings,but honestly though it seems one passion still as control of me and i didn't know, it is the passion of jealously,i was really shocked when i saw how i reacted,i started thinking to myself saying what is this,but i remained calmed and after i calmed down i post a dicussion asking if this passion was normal,
@balasri (26537)
• India
17 Dec 09
I think that we do not have any control over our feelings. We have been influenced by so many factors to get attracted or to hate a person or thing. They didn't say that 'Looks can be deceptive' without any reason. Emotions over take our reasoning skill and it takes a little while to realize the effect of our decisions depending on the reaction of thing we begin to like motivated by our feelings. I think this is quite natural and we cannot help it unless and otherwise we have the gift of seeing through everything, in other way becoming a god.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Dec 09
Your feelings are your feelings and you are right, you can't control them. But you can learn to control your reactions. For example, you might, as a child, clobber the person who angered you, but as an adult, you might take a deep breath and just tell the person that what they did was inappropriate and unacceptable.
Now love, who knows about that... Two guys may both treat you exactly the way that you want to be treated, but why is it that you fall for one and couldn't be at all interested in the other.
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
17 Dec 09
i definitely control how i react to things because i live with a man who likes to provoke me and upset me. so if i do not react he backs down. because if he gets a reaction out of me he will continue to taunt me. so yes i do think you can control your reactions to people and situations. it is something you have to learn how to do because to me it does not come naturally.
@kathcake (70)
•
17 Dec 09
I think you're right there we can't really control how we feel in different situations but we can control how we react in them. For example if you feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers you could either react by just standing in the corner feeling lost or you could take the brave approach and go around talking to people. This will make you feel a hundred times better then the moment you first stepped into that situation. So if you ever feel lost then just think 'how can I change this for the better'.
@bhav27 (442)
• India
17 Dec 09
i believe we don't have any control over our feeling theses are something natural and we have no control over them , take an example of a mother and a baby , the feeling of the mother is natural for her baby , he will feel and react , if her child is in trouble she will be the one who will be more tensed and if her child get hurt , she will get hurt too , and there are some feeling which we have when we saw a person or a stanger , we have no controll on this kind of feelings , these all feelings and natural and the reaction upon these feelings is also natural.
@Robinino (38)
• United States
17 Dec 09
Well mommyboo, I am not sure if I can add more to your discussion for I feel you pretty much answered it yourself. Our feelings change by each passing day as far as I am concerned. As much as how we react to things in our daily lives is also ever changing. Sometimes I find myself saying one thing one day and doing the total opposite the next. We are only human and humans are prone to make mistakes and learn from them. I think that is all I can say about this discussion as well as I hope it helped you out from my point of view.
@Turn_on (23)
• Indonesia
17 Dec 09
About that, it is 50:50 how can we control about our feeling and reaction.
We can control some part of that, and the other are out of our power. About how we feel, actually we can control it, that's like to choose to think positive or negative. And then that thought will lead how we react something. And of course, we know that thinking positive is way much better than the rest (you know what the rest.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
i agree on you. We can't control our feelings but we can control how we react to it. When we are shocked of what we saw, we are shocked inside but we decide to not to react on it or to react on it. Like just what I saw a while ago, my dreamboy was with someone. He smiled at me when he saw me, inside me my feelings is hurt,but I choose to smile back for me to be not obvious of what i really feel. So that he will not know. It depends on us how we react to certain situation, but we can't control our feelings.
@derek_a (10874)
•
17 Dec 09
As a therapist, I would say most of the way we feel is influenced by our past experiences. They act like computer programs that get triggered whenever our current situation is similar to our earlier situations. This is particularly true of past traumatic events and when we were hurt.
How we react, we can get to control, but only to a degree as reactions with most of us are programmed by our past also. We may think that we are free to choose how to react, but how are we going to know whether we are reacting or acting spontaneously? We can know if we practice some sort of meditation discipline and through this meditation we can begin to question our feelings more deeply - this way the subconscious mind will eventually give up its secrets.
I have practised and taught meditative techniques to others, and if any reader is interested, there is a link on my profile page that explains more.. 
- Derek
- Derek
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
17 Dec 09
I think we control how we feel about certain things. I know that we are attracted to certain situations that lead to other things. I chose who I wanted to fall in love with, they were the person I was looking for and when they did something I liked then I gravitated towards them. If somebody is used to an abusive way of life they will recognize that over another type of life style.
@DenverLC (1143)
• Philippines
17 Dec 09
We can not control how we feel because it is impossible to kill one natural gift of sense.We can deny it, but we can not erase it right away. However, we all have the power to control how we react on certain things or situation. How? By the use of our mind and will power. That makes the difference now between us and the animals, we have the brain to think what is right, and a heart to feel what is fair and good. We can refrain from our intended actions, we can withdraw words that may come out from our mouth as well.
@poingly (605)
• United States
17 Dec 09
It depends on the feeling and the context.
For instance, I read somewhere that when we feel angry, it is sort of uncontrollable for about 12 seconds--after that we CHOOSE to continue to feel that way.
I sort of understand this, because I never feel mad for all that long.
We can excite ourselves and make ourselves happy sometimes....sometimes things can overwhelm us too.
