Would you appreciate if someone tells you his/her story in great details?
By dpk262006
@dpk262006 (58676)
Delhi, India
December 17, 2009 11:52pm CST
Hi dear friends!
In real life I have observed that if you ask some friends about their well being or any happening, they would start telling you every minute detail about them or the event they faced, blissfully forgetting in the process that others may not have so much time to hear to their long and detailed stories and their time is also precious. On the other hand, some of friends provided you details which are necessary and through which you can understand the entire scenario. My question to you is - do you also tell every minute detail about your well being, if you are asked about it or you try to narrate about you in a brief but understandable manner? And do you appreciate those, who keep telling you every minute details about themselves, if you happen to ask them about their well being etc. Please share your thoughts. Many thanks in advance. (I may make it clear here that this post has nothing to do with writing detailed responses here on myLot or any other such site, which altogether is quite a different issue).
10 people like this
42 responses
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
18 Dec 09
Hi Deepak,
I really dislike people who talk too much on anything…being an introvert myself and not really interested in jabbering all the time with all the people, I have a select set of people who I really enjoy talking with. If any of my favourites are concerned, I can listen and talk for hours…no detail is trivial enough and I put in my inputs and the meeting is really wonderful. But as for others, I don’t like it if they go on and on with their miseries and misfortunes and I curse myself as to why did I bother to stop and ask LOL Problem is that I cant be pretentious so I cant look as if I’m very bothered (when I’m actually not) so in most cases, I just have enough patience to hear out the initial ten minutes or so and then I think of some urgent work and excuse myself (much to the consternation of the other person!)
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 09
Hi Sudipta!
Your response makes an interesting reading and I am happy to note that you touched the crux of the discussion. It is true that when the other fellow is our favorite, we can listen to his/her story with all the trivial details. The types of persons, which you mentioned in the later part of your discussion are the really troublesome, as they continue to tell you their stories with their miseries and unfortunate happenings. If we happen to face such kind of persons, we always wish that s/he should sum up the conversation later than sooner and should allow us to take leave. Thanks a lot for sharing your views.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100249)
• India
18 Dec 09
Hi Deepak, I do. I have this need to be honest. Earlier I used to clam up, but it only created tremendous amount of resentment and dislike. Obviously that leads to some outbursts. So this is a new way I have found to tackle it. I also feel that it would give people I know and like an idea that such things can happen, so they should be wary and take adequate precautions. After all, forewarned is forearmed. :) I also hope people think over it, and arrive at some solutions so that the next time such things do not happen to any other person. I dont know if it right or wrong. Based on personal experience, I think clamming up was wrong. But then, one dress doesnt fill all, does it? :) In my case, I think I would have been better off with letting off the steam in time rather than stocking it and making it poisonous.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 09
Hi Vandana!
Good Morning! Do you mean to say that whomsoever you meet you tell your 'story' to him/her with great deails and you love doing it. I agree with you that it is not healthy practice to bottle up our feelings, but the finer point is - if we can make do with broad outlines, should it necessary to give every minute details (without bothering whether the person in front of us is intently listening to us or not). I hope that you narrate a story to someone, if you feel that s/he is paying attention to you and you giving all the details will help resolve your problems. I am not saying that you should keep quite and should not speak about your problems etc. Many thanks for sharing your thoughtful expressions, as always.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 09
Vandana!
I got all your points in the right earnest and you made it easier for me explaining through examples. I appreciate your advice. I may add here that you gave examples of mylot discussions, while I was talking about real life sitautions.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100249)
• India
18 Dec 09
And I would very much appreciate if people were able to disclose what is eating them. This is because there may be some solution that I or others have come across and we have to offer. There was for instance a simple discussion about a lady not being able to buy some food offered on discount in supermarkets. Her issue was her family was much too small for that much, but they really relished that food item. I suggested she join hands with a few others and buy it, because that is what I do when I go to markets! If they say buy one get one free, I get hold of another person who is struggling to find the other piece, I tell them look, if you are not interested in the second one, I have selected one for me, let us get together and take it. Most of the time ladies are glad! That is because they are not too sure they want more of such stuff, after we dont really know how it will turn out. Secondly, shopping chore gets over faster. :) And then the Canadian lady came up with some problems relating to her credits on credit card. I simply asked her to sell them! Funny, it never occurred to her! When we dont see somethings happening in our surroundings, at times our own minds switch off those possibilities. :)
1 person likes this
@balasri (26537)
• India
18 Dec 09
I never get into the trap of listening the lamentation of the people though I am a good listener. I listen tirelessly to the stories worth listening from the people who has the gift of telling it interestingly only when I am free and in the mood to listen. Or else I do not sit down and waste my time on the stories of the people who are never satisfied with anything in their life.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 Dec 09
Hi Bala!
Yes, you got it absolutely right that there are some people who keep talking you about their miseries without bothering to know whether you are actually free time to listen to their detailed stories. Many thanks for enriching the post with your to the point remarks.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 Dec 09
Hi Bala!
Yes, you got it absolutely right that there are some people who keep talking you about their miseries without bothering to know whether you are actually free time to listen to their detailed stories. Many thanks for enriching the post with your to the point remarks.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
18 Dec 09
I had to read this in two installments. I had to take a compulsive break after reading through half a way. I am not blaming you.
This is a good discussion. I have been a good listener all through my life and if time permits I could hear the world out from my friends. They also confide in me in great details for they know that I would not divulge anything. I love to listen to others. Passive listening may be. But If you ask me, I am not much of an elaborate story teller myself. I remember when we were kids , my sister used to tell about her whole day in great detail. It took her hours but when my mom asked me I would wrap up the whole experience in 5 minutes. My mom still complains about it but what to do. I am like that.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 Dec 09
Hi dear!
I know it very well that you are a very patient listener for your friends and patients. Your friends rely on you therefore they rely on you. THANKS a lot for for touching the core issue in the post. :-)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 Dec 09
Pl. Read - therefore they confide in you.
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8298)
• India
19 Dec 09
It depends upon my available time at that time. Now-a-days many want a patient hearing. At home no one cares to sit and talk to them. Each one is busy in their own way. People will have many accumulated disappointments, stresses. When they get a patient ear, they feel like pouring it out especially elders. Hence I listen to them, if I have time at my disposal, try to be of support to them if not physically or financially, atleast mentally and that is what they want also.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi Buchi!
There is nothing wrong in playing the role of a patient listenr. I also love to be a patient listner for my friends and I enjoy listening to them on most of the occasions. However, things get difficult when they start telling minute details, which appear unnecessary to me. Thanks for sharing your views.
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8298)
• India
21 Dec 09
That is true Dpk, some people, without bothering about the other person's time and interest, go on talking unnecessary, irrelevant matters, which will test our patience. I think we have to cut them short and ask them to be point specific. They may think bad but no other go.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
19 Dec 09
So by your bottom note in regards to your discussion having nothing to do with mylot, I assume that you are talking about those who you come in contact whether online or offline who talk in great detail of themselves and past experiences.
Well I try to be as brief as possible in that regard as well, and I do respect those who try to do the same.
I appreciate those who do say in such detail about their life as it interests me, I love familial history.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi SCG!
In my post, I referred to my off line or say real life friends. Mylot or for that matter interacting on social networking sites is entirely a different issue. Some of the dear friends, who otherwise are very good, start telling their stories with great details and eat up lots of your important time, specially when they can make do with brief story, which also serves the purpose. Thanks for joining and sharing your views. Wish you a very Merry Christmas!
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Dec 09
I do tend to talk a lot but I do not tell all the titbits of my story to everyone.On the other hand I am a better listener.I listen very patiently and try to give my suggestions if asked. THe person needs an outlet and I have been that silent listener many times.What are friends for after all? I had a lending library of my own earlier and there were many members.THey all became my friends and they used to feel absolutely comfortable sharing their problems with me.People at home used to wonder at that. It is a tendency in me to always look at another person's point of view with a slightly sympathetic attitude.I realised that they needed a person , an objective third party with whom they could share without any fear of gossip.So, when there was time I did not mind[I have gone out of my way too to be a sympathetic listener.]I had many friends and I do not regret the time I spent with them.It made me more patient and sympathetic.It just happened that way.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi Kala!
It is good to know that while talking your remain to the point and do not tell every minute and tiniest details of any story to the other fellow. It is great on your part that you have been a good listener throughout and you helped others in pouring out their pent up emotions to you and in the process making them feel relieved. I am also a very patient listener and love helping my near and dear ones, however, if they could be to the point or precise, that would help me a lot. Some of them telling frivolous details make me feel stressed, however, it is another matter I do not express this thing to my friends (who have such a habit), I remain patient while listening to them. Thanks for sharing your views twice.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Dec 09
Heyyyyyy---you have unwittingly conformed my assessment of the situation.Someone caught on to you over telephone and went on and on with a story--
One good thing that has come out of that is the discussion topic.
Incidentally, this is just fooling around and the answer to the discussion topic will come later.Am still in the midst of some work.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 09
Hi Kala! I wont' deny or confirm your assessment. There are some friends in real life, who otherwise are great, who will tell you each and every minute details about themselves, without bothering whether you are listening intently or not or whether you have time or not, even on telephone.
1 person likes this
@cobradene (1171)
• India
18 Dec 09
I have the bad habit of not letting others talk first. I start in a rush to talk everything I have say, and surely I do tell my story to the minutest of details to anybody I talk to. But, after I am finished, I let them talk as much they want to, and I keep silent.
But sure, I let others talk and listen to them... I listen to them thoroughly, but my concentration seems to drift most of the times and I seem to miss a few points during their narration. But still, I try my best to be a good listener, as much as I talk.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
18 Dec 09
Hi dpk, I normally don't divulge much of my personal life to people less known to me. I do tell but only a little bit of myself and let the listener do his/her own research to find out more. I can say those who talk uncontrollable about themselves at length are a sign of aging. They have nothing much to say but brag about their glorious past.. I couldn't stand people who talk nothing but about themselves as it will only agreviate my migraine.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 09
Hi Zandi!
I know a little bit about you and I know that you won't open up to everyone or for that matters to strangers easily. I agree with you that those who talk uncontrollably about themselves, may be agining. However, I feel those who keep talking about every detail want us to listen to them as they do not find suitable listeners and want to tell us that how much they are suffering........lol!
Thanks a lot for joining and revealing your view point.
Have a great day!
Deepak
3 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
19 Dec 09
Hi
I don’t have the habit of disclosing everything to a stranger. In fact, I am an introvert person and if somebody wanted to know something, they should keep on asking because I will answer only for the questions. This is the case with strangers. If the person is close then I don’t mind to explain about my problem but before starting, definitely I will ask, ‘are you busy or not’.
If somebody narrates his/her story, I will be a good listener. But it varies on situation; if I am in a hurry then I may feel irritated. If the issue is serious then I will listen even if I don’t have time (if I get a chance then I may reveal about my situation and assure the person, I will listen later).
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi Sree!
Hope you are fine. I can understand about your from your response that you are a introvert person and you would reply to the point and would go on narrating minute details about any event, till you are specifically asked for the same. It may also be correct that you may not like to listen to the entire story, when you are busy or don't feel like listening to the person. Many thanks for joining and sharing your considered views.
1 person likes this
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
18 Dec 09
Hi Deepak.. I would appreciate if the person tells the reason in short and clear way so that I get the actuall reason rather than listening to a long story.. What Ignited you to start this topic? May be some one told you a long story LOL.. Good Topic to discuss..
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi Chaitra!
It is always better if the story teller skip the unnecessary details in the story, this way listening becomes more interesting. You see few of my friends (in real life) are such that they would narrate every minute and tiniest details of their story without bothering whether I have time or not, that irritates me. On the other hand I cannot just stop and do not want to stop them so that they may not feel hurt, this realization should come in their minds automatically. Otherwise, they are great and very caring friends. Thanks for joining us.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
19 Dec 09
Hi Deepak.
It seems the standard greeting when we see anyone is: hi, how are you? ...or something along that line.
And in turn, having asked, we often expect to get the standard sponse: fine, thanks, and you?
I usually do the "fine" response, or maybe give some brief details if I know the person is asking out of genuine concern or wishes to know, rather than just asking as a matter of common courtesy, but not expecting details.
The situation also dictates how much detail should be given. Yes, people are busy, but perhaps we should find different standard greetings if we truly do not wish to hear details or do not have time for it: something, like "hi, good to see you...hope we can chat sometime when I don't have to rush off."
Karen
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi Karen!
Yes, I am impressed with your thoughts and when asking somebody about his well being, we should see whom we are asking and if he is in the habit of telling detailed stories, we should mentally prepare ourselves for it. It is also true that if we are busy, we must tell the other person that I' do not have the time and I be excused for another occasion. Thanks for sharing your wonderful views, one of the best responses so far.
2 people like this
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
Hello,my dear.:-)
Are you referring to me?LOL. Kidding aside, I'd rather not tell details as they happened to me per minute. Unless, they are VERY RELEVANT to the scenario that I want to convey.Personally, if it is not a pleasant experience I'd rather not tell anything at all for telling it makes me feel even worse.However, I must admit that when I am overly excited about a certain event or person or thing, I tend to rant every possible related thing I might find in a sec about such event, person or thing. LOL
At first, I CAN appreciate those who tell details by minute, especially if I know that it will help them alot. I feel flattered knowing that I am the one they bother to pour their hearts out. BUT, if those people do tell me details bit by bit every day, I get to feel stressed and wish silently for them to shut up and leave me alone.... Too much of everything is stressful, too. I have my limits..;-)
Have a wonderful weekend, dear.:-)
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
19 Dec 09
Hi dear! :-)
of course the post has not been started keeping you in mind. It is based on real life experiences and we have not met in person. I am happy to see that you touched the main issue in the post. I can understand yr stress when people talk too much about them. Thanks for the wonderful response.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi dear !
It is so touching to note that you always enjoy participating in my discussions, hope your unflinching support will continue.
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
19 Dec 09
I was just kidding, my dear:-) It is always a pleasure to take part in your discussions, Deepak.:-)
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
18 Dec 09
If I ask you or anyone about themselves I can't complain about how they answer. I Wanted to know so I'll take the answer anyway it comes out. I try to answer any question clearly and to the point. Some questions Do need me to tell a back story, others I can answer with a simple yes or no.It all depends. Some days even the question " How was your day?" can have a Real long answer or a real short one!I guess the best thing to do is assume it will be a long answer whenever you ask a question.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi Sarah!
Your last line did the trick........lol! If we mentally prepare ourselves for a long answer for a short question like 'how are you', then we will be able to handle the situation nicely. Thanks a lot for sharing your views. I am delighted to read it.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Dec 09
To a point and everything in moderation. One day a friend may have a lot on their mind and want somebody to listen. And that's OK. But if that person is always like that to the exclusion of anybody else and they don't listen when you need somebody to listen, then it becomes a one sided friendship. And those don't usually last very long.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi dawn!
Yes, everything in moderation looks good and make you feel happy and if you keep repeating any of your habit (which the other fellow feels is offending) then you may lost the friendship. Thanks for such a crisp, to the point and wonderful thoughts.
dpk
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
18 Dec 09
Hey dpk! I definitely understand your question~ I tend to be
a bit wordy and sometimes do tell too much about myself when
asked simple questions I do sometimes tend to go and on and
giving a bit too much details about my life! In fact, my
boyfriend gets really annoyed with me because of it! He sometimes
hears me on the phone with my friends and tells me that I talk
way too much and tell too much of my business (and his) to too
many people! I am just a very open and honest person and don't
always think before I speak and he is a very quiet and private
person and doesn't like his business told, especially by me to
my friends! We have gotten into many arguments about this and
I know he is right! We are just different when it comes to
certains things! I do know that I should learn to keep my big
mouth shut, because he is right, but I just never seem to learn!
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi dear Opal!
What impressed me about your response was your honesty and candid attitude. Atleast you are aware that you sometimes tend to narrate a story in great details and your boy friend does not like it. You see you might have developed such a habit since many years and you have become used to it. I think if you can evaluate yourself and introspect,you can modify this thing. Next time, when you are going to tell a story to your boy friend, please try to keep the story brief and to the point, consiously and look how does he reacts..........lol!
It is always great fun to read your wonderful and honest responses. I am lucky to have friends like you and thanks for everything.
Congratulations in advance for 10000 posts, which I hope you will reach soon and Merry Christmas to you.
deepak
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
19 Dec 09
I have a friend who has the habit of going into every minute details before she will get to the point of what she is wanting to say and, as much as I love my friend, I confess that I find myself listening to her stories while my brain is screaming , “Hurry up, get to the point!’ I don’t know why she does it. Some people like to listen to their own voice whereas for others like my friend, I suspect it is just a habit. It is a tad difficult to tell someone to get to the point though without offending!
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi paula!
I was extactly talking about the same 'friends' as you have mentioned in your response. Hope my friend(s) and your friend are related.........lol! Two of my friends would always tell their stories in great details and I also cream like you, please hurry up and come to the point. Yaah, it is true that we just cannot excplicitly tell these kind of persons that their long conversation is getting boring for us. Thanks for such a wonderful response.
2 people like this
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
19 Dec 09
hello deepak!
i guess i am quite late on this one...hehe but anyway here's my thought about the topic...
actually, i love hearing life stories of my relatives & friends and i appreciate it if they trust me their stories...but, there are times that i am not in the mood of listening too long...or talking too long! haha and so there are times that i also find it annoying specially if they tell it in a boring tone & way! haha and when si am not interested to the person i am talking with, i hate it when i ask a question they will give hundreds of answers! *sigh*
on my part, there are times that i also say many things about me, tell detailed stories about my life but only to those who are interested to listen to me and to those that i am already closed and i already trust them...
but when i feel that they get bored listening or not interested anymore, i stop and make everything short & change topic! haha
but most of the time, my answers are straight to the point and brief & easy to understand...except when they still ask for some elaboration...
just like my mom to;ld me before, she have observed on me that to some, i just answer what is being asked and don't go beyond the question! haha
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
20 Dec 09
Hi ck!
It is good to know that you are good listener, but I understand that frivolous details in the stories also make you feel bore and on your part you tell your stories in details to the other fellow, if s/he is really 'interested' to know and if he is not, you change the topic. It proves that you are a very good observer. Thanks for enriching the post.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17331)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
haha..i think that's the least that i can do to other people or to my friends or to my relatives...to listen to them! since i am not good in giving advices...hehe
well, i just don't like to bore other people by telling them stories about me that they are not even interested...haha
in communication, good listening & observation is needed...to understand what the other party would like to say...coz sometimes they can't tell some things straight to us coz they just don't want to offend us...
good day my friend & its my pleasure being in your discussions!
@katie4720011 (218)
• United States
19 Dec 09
I believe that there is a way to tell someone how you have been without telling every little detail. I am a firm believer in getting to the point. A few details are fine...but not word for word every detail. lol
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
21 Dec 09
Hi Katie!
Welcome to mylot family. It is good that you know how to tell a story affectively and without getting into unncessary details. Thanks for joining us.
1 person likes this