Dating Rules - What A Girlfriend's Parent Wants

Singapore
December 19, 2009 6:04am CST
In a recent local newspaper article, it was reported by the boyfriend where he felt the rules laid for him by his girlfriend's mother to date his girlfriend, is being unreasonable. I do not know what your country is practicing with your dating children and/or your parents' rules are when you are dating. I think the rules below will be an eyeopener here. Rule 1 You have to dine at your girlfriend's family every week. Rule 2 You must live near your in-laws after marriage. Rule 3 You must celebrate the girl's family members' birthdays. Rule 4 The girl cannot visit the boy's parents within the first 2 years of their relationship. Rule 5 Once married the couple must have their own house and must not live with his parents. Rule 6 The girl cannot celebrate her boyfriend's family members' birthdays. Alright, here are the 6 rules before you consider dating and having her daughter's hand. I know some of the rules are being ambiguous or foreign to you, so feel free to ask for elaboration. For the guys here: Can you agree that the rules here are unreasonable? Why? Is there a better rule or compromise to ask here? For the girls here: Would you allow such a rule be imposed for your boyfriend? Why? What do you think the rules should further have? Or better still abolish it? For all the parents out here: Would you subject your children to be in these rules? Or, change certain rules? Or, better still not impose such a rules at all? So take it away and have your say.
2 people like this
6 responses
kamal1888
@kamal1888 (76)
• India
20 Dec 09
i agree with most of the rules given by you but some are not affordable for me and i may opt to some other options also.....
2 people like this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
24 Dec 09
kamal1888, Honestly, I think all of us would love to hear your other options. Thanks for dropping by and Merry Christmas.
1 person likes this
Rocketj1
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
19 Dec 09
First of all, if a daughter is not an adult yet, the parents can legally have whatever rules they want for her to date. BUT... once they are married, they no longer have a say anymore. She is an adult and legally able to make all her own decisions. As a Christian, I have been taught that as two become one, they are to "leave and cleave". This means they become a family of their own now, leaving their parents and cleaving to one another. Owing respect to parents is still the right thing to do, but parents are no longer in charge of their children's lives after they marry. In my culture (US), the rules here after marriage would be completely ridiculous. The rules about her not celebrating or visiting with his family while dating and after marriage seem really strange. Why is the boy being asked to leave his family out of everything? Are they diseased or something? This is a foreign concept to me.
2 people like this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Feb 10
rocketj1, Another side of cultural shock here, but let me assure you that they are (both the parents and their rules) are not rigid and some parents just wants to see their prospective son-in-law knows how to stand firm when it matters most. I remember those "tests" I underwent with my in-laws and there are always hidden meanings when they express their thoughts and wishes. I suppose our culture is one where it can cause one a lot of hair loss experiences. Take care and have a nice weekend.
1 person likes this
SomeCowgirl
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
19 Dec 09
I think that some of the rules are just crazy, some are odd and one is funny... RULE NUMBER FIVE states that once married the couple must have their own home (which is fine) and not live with his parents... My husband and I live with his parents, so that is why I find it to be funny... let me go rule by rule if I may... RULE 1: I can see where it'd be nice to dine with the family every week, but to impose such a rule? Maybe it'd be better to ask that the bf do this, or maybe better yet agree to a one a month dining, at the very least. RULE 2 : This rule is also funny in that we will be living near his inlaws once we get our own place. I don't see where this would be a problem except in the case that say the ladies parents live farther away then the gentleman's parents... though I suppose these rules are for the men, so lol... in that case I feel bad for the man! Ha! Kidding! RULE 3 : Okay, That's good and all, I mean why not? BUT why not the same for RULE 6? I mean why must the men celebrate the women's familial birthdays, but not vice versa? RULE 4: Well then I broke that rule about a week or two after my husband and I started dating. I don't get it, why not? RULE 5: Well you know what I have to say about that one already RULE 6: SAME AS RULE THREE... I don't think I'd of let any of these rules be imposed whilst dating my now hubbers.
2 people like this
my_name_is_coco
@my_name_is_coco (4333)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
I totally agree with number 5.I wouldn't want it if my son/daughter gets married and they live at our house.I would prefer that my son/daughter have his own properties (house,car,business) and job before settling down.I don't want my grandchildren to live in a family full of financial troubles.other than that,I find the other rules a bit weird,especially number 6.why wouldn't the gf celebrate the bf's fmaily member's birthdays?
1 person likes this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Feb 10
coco, This is what cultural shock means when expats who enters into a relationship with an Asian half. However, having said that, I am sure there can be certain compromises when there is discomfort at the receiving end. All families are not that unreasonable or strong, just like a good roast where it is crisp hard on the outside but tender and juicy on the inside. Have a nice weekend.
Chalea Hutchinson
@zoey7879 (3092)
• Quincy, Illinois
25 Feb 10
I would NEVER subject my daughter to such crap... I might say it jokingly but I would NEVER mean it... Nor would I want to date anyone who's parents made such demands, setting up a standard for the life of myself and my future spouse.
1 person likes this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Feb 10
zoey7879, It is not for your daughter but for her boyfriend or rather your prospective son-in-law. It's for her well being and supposedly improve the relationship between the both you. (her boyfriend and you) It is also a common Asian custom on how elders expresses their stance of authority and seniority. Anyway, I am trying to share the culture and customs at your other side of the globe. In case you think it is outdated, then don't be shocked - a cultural one, of course. Have a nice weekend.
l33tgirl
@l33tgirl (288)
• New Zealand
20 Dec 09
These rules are ridiculous. You cannot dictate to someone where they must dine every week and where they live. Also the one about celebrating one family members birthdays and not the others will no doubt cause trouble. The only rule I agree with is number 5. If you are responsible enough to get married it means you are responsible enough not to take advantage of your parents. I can't say what I'd do if my parents tried to impose these rules on me because they would never even think of doing these things. It's interesting to see how other people live and how much they let their parents influence their lives even though they are grown up.
1 person likes this
skysuccess
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Feb 10
l33tgirl, I am aware of your sentiments here but just don't be shocked. I am glad for your astute understanding and keen interest. Most of all your invaluable post here. Thank you once again.