Friendly advice needed urgently.

For me having there baby it is no count to build a strong relationship of there situation because they are not compatible if they have a baby the result is more worse because the baby get in to the trouble about what happened now.

I don't know if it makes the situation better or worse, really. But I do know that it's pretty common. Not just babies, of course. But couples who are in trouble, having problems or generally not happy with the relationship have a way of deciding that the thing they need to make things better is some major joint commitment. Some couples have babies. Some couples adopt pets. Others buy houses or vacation properties. It's all very strange to me. The only thing that's going to improve a relationship, in my opinion, is communication. When both parties begin to communicate their feelings, dreams, disappointments, etc with each other... that can lead to a more intimate and loving relationship. Or it can lead to the decision that it's not working out, and it's time for both parties to move on.

I think it can definitely go both ways. It can make matters worse or it can make them closer because they have something there to get them to work together, but if they really dont like each other its actually going to make it worse.

A child to me does throw a wrench into the whole equation,but it wud be difficult to say which side the grass wud lean,after 10 years then have a baby,lovelesss or not still says there is a physical thing between them,most couples after that amount of time together without emotions may come to a point where they cant stand the sight of each other,merely acknowledging each others presence in daily lives ,on one side ,coz of a child may help a little when focus of love n attention is diverted to the child n couple may for the sake of their offspring make an effort to try harder n who knows ,things may improve in their marriage,coz they aredy shown by producing the child that sexually they can still accept each other,so just have to concentrate on the emotional side of mutual understanding, but what you said was its even harder to live under one roof coz of the child ,i m wondering why have the child in the 1st place when knowing husband is against it,as if its a last hope gesture to improve things,only time will tell whether child can soften husbands stand.if it doesnt,my heart is will d innocent child.

Hai, In my opinion, First, your friend and her husband maintain good relationship between them. They should love each other. This is not easy, but she should try. They can share there ideas. Having baby is not correct. Because they should understand each other. Otherwise, it become most complicated problem. No body cannot solve their problem. Your friend, will help her husband work, and every thing what he wants.Only True love can solve the problem. Now, they are wife and husband. this is true. This is not a small simple matter. They can live their life with each other, either willing or unwillingly. So, they can maintain good relationship with each other. she should take care of her husband. First, it becomes uneasy, but, she should try.

Hmmm ok..being married, whether contented or not, a woman is still obligated to be with her husband, if u know what i mean hehehe..im a lousy conservative Anyway, i think all women has this mother's instinct..and having a baby is wonderful experience for them..for as women they were born to nurture. It just happens that this must be possible with a man.:0

Normally a baby is supposed to be the binding factor in any marriage.Husband and wife should develop a mutual understanding , but this becomes easy in the case of a baby because it becomes a joint property.But if the husband were to be against it then things become complicated. If he were not too against it then things may have been different.He would at least have some affection for the child and they can take it thereon.

I don't understand why her husband is against having a baby and I also can't understand 10 years without compatibility. I guess they just have to be open to each other and spend more time to work on their differences. Can your friend live without her husband? I pity her. I were her, I'll leave that husband and raise the child on my own rather than spending my lifetime unhappily. ten years i guess is enough. This isn't worth another chance. They can't bring up the baby well if they are on a loveless relationship.

I don't think a baby makes matters worse or better. The thing is people want to believe it will do something to the relationship because you are bringing in another person but the reality of it is, the marriage would work or it would fail even if they didn't have a child. Like you said before it wasn't working to begin with so its no surprise that its not working now. I just feel sorry for the baby. Both parents were stupid for having the child especially if the relationship wasn't up to it. Poor parenting bottom line.

To anyone out there listening if this is you please don't have a child. Being in a loveless marriage is hard enough and then to add misery to your life you go ahead and have a child. Why not just leave the marriage? Have a child with someone that you love. Do you really want to trap yourself in a marriage that is unhappy for the next eighteen years? What happens to the child then? Is the child loved or is it emotionally abused? Does the child grow up and marry and stay married in it's own loveless marriage?

Yep, definitely the idea of having a child would do. I just mends to build strong relationship for alteast the child. Tey would try to mingle and play with the child. Afterall the differences can be reconciled only by the 3rd party and the child, which serves as the testimony of their love will help to acheive it. I will definitely suggest to go with giving birth and remove their hatredness one another.

Hello ruchimom. Firstly ,I'm very sorry to hear about your friends problem.and also feel sorry for their little baby.as he may will face a single family.I think marriage do not is just two persons'matter especially when they have baby .Marriage means responsibility to the family .this is to all the members of the family.If they just wanna to have a baby to mediate the problem between them .i think its unfair to their children.i think ur friend need to think clearly whether she till love her husband .if not ,i recommend she to divorce as its good for she and her husband .

Wow, there are actually a lot of different issues happening with your friend. First off, if her husband was against having a child to begin with, why did they have one? That alone will make an already strained marriage even worse. My husband and I just had a baby and that is after 11 years of marriage and 8 years of being together before that - 19 years total. We definitely feel the toll on our relationship at times, but we planned our pregnancy. Second, maybe they should've thought about going to counseling, although it's not too late if they both really want the marriage to work, to see if some underlying problems in the marriage can be brought to the surface - resentment, lack of communication, etc... They could just be "stuck in a rut" so to speak. I know personally we kind of felt like we were just living our life without a purpose, just kind of blah, until our baby was born. He has given us new look on like, that's for sure. He has added to our relationship. I imagine that is what your friend was going for, but she forgot that you need to have two willing partcipants to make it happen. So to answer your questions, I think a baby can do both add to a relationship or can make things difficult, but it really depends on the emotional state of the parents-to-be. Now that their baby has already arrived, they need to decide what the best course of action is for the baby, for them to stay together or to separate. Staying together for the sake of the child doesn't always turn out well.