I'm not sure how I feel..
By amberlyn20
@amberlyn20 (2)
United States
December 19, 2009 11:04pm CST
I'm 16 right now. Last Christmas I had a miscarriage, I was at least 2 months a long. Obviously I had no idea I had been pregnant until after the fact. I was sad obviously, relieved at the same time given my age. But both my boyfriend and I were sad about, especially not even knowing.
I have been having some issues with my disibility, which I don't want to get into right now, so I went so go go see a specialist at Mayo, for those of you that don't know, it's a really big research clinic in Minnesota. I asked him what the effects of me being pregnant would have on me given my disibility. He said he would not reccomend it and it would be a very bad idea because it would put to big a strain on my heart. I immediately started crying, that's not something any women wants to hear, rather you're 15 or 30. It was a huge slap in the face.
My mind has been wandering all over the place ever since that day. What if I never get to be a mom? What if last year, at age 15 was my only shot? Just please give me your opinion, help me through this.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@sachii315 (488)
• Japan
20 Dec 09
Hi amberlyn20! I think most of us wonders how or sons or daughters would look like. It's really sad knowing you are not able to conceive. Don't be sad. There are still options about raising a child, like adoption. But at your tender age of 16, do you really want that? I think you are still young, there are more things to happen in the coming years. Life is full of surprises. Maybe you can have one at the right time. When I was at your age, all I did was to study hard, hanging out with friends, shopping and even playing. I got a boyfriend after I graduated college, at 21. haha.. LOL! Don't be depressed. I think God has a better plan for you. Cheer up!
1 person likes this
@nemrac12 (388)
• Philippines
20 Dec 09
hello darling, you should not be thingking of raising a baby or having a baby. you're still young to do that. what you must be concern of is your studies, finish it, get a stable job, marry your man and, that's the time you will concentrate on having a baby. raising a child at young age is not easy, you have to mold yourself first before you go to a more serious life.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31046)
• United Kingdom
11 Jan 10
Some health professionals can say some harsh things sometimes. My toddler son is disabled. He has got spina bifida and hydrocephalus. I am sorry that you suffered a miscarriage. It shows that you have fertility. I think if you get pregnant again then your pregnancy would be monitored. You would have to give birth in hospital and have medical checks to see all is going well. Later pregnancy strains some parts of the body like the heart. In labor the body has it quite tough in most cases. You might be able to have a baby naturally or you could perhaps adopt. I hope that one day you will become a mom. You are 16 so you have many years ahead of you which I hope will be really happy. I know that people mature at different ages and some 16 year olds are really responsible.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Dec 09
amberlyn perhaps if you take really excellent care of yourself and get a second opinion on your disability by the time you are 18 or 20 which is an ideal age to bear children you might find your health is good enough to allow you to bear your own children.you are plenty young and have enought time to get an education and also see about improving your disability so you might just be able to bear children. if not you could adopt or get a surrogate mom to bear it for you. do not give up hope yet.
@PSDirectory (116)
• United States
20 Dec 09
sweety, you are 16 years old. You shouldnt be thinking about having kids anyways. You need to find yourself a hobby, instead of making babies.
And I have heard alot of stories of women who were told that they could never have kids, but they always seem to get pregnant anywayz.
When you get older, worry about this situation. But if I were you, I would focus my attention on something else, besides child bearing
@Bambi09 (227)
• United States
20 Dec 09
I got pregnant at 16. I had a disability like her. I have cervical cancer. Doctors told me now or never and by the time i was 20 i would not be able to concieve.I'm 18 now and me and my husband are on baby #2, and we couldn't be happier. So i understand where she's coming from and her situation.
@PSDirectory (116)
• United States
20 Dec 09
Im not saying that its not okay for her not to want to have a child. But at 16, how can you possibly raise a child when you are still being raised yourself? thats the point I was trying to make.
@nskhan1983 (92)
• Pakistan
20 Dec 09
nice point PSDirectory...actually Some people dont grow mentally even when they are old enough. So i think the age doesn't matter..u can want a baby even at 13,14,15 or 16..and you can stay away from parent hood even when u r 40:) its upto u..depends on the kind of nature u have..
@Bambi09 (227)
• United States
20 Dec 09
Even if you can not concieve, imagine the children here in America who already need loving homes. They not not have to be from your uterus to be your baby. All a child needs is love. Anyone can be a mother honey. It can take one drunken night to accomplish that. But it takes a true loving woman to be a Mommy. And a mommy knows no limits on the love of her child. Whether it is her birth child or not. I will be praying for you. And you never know, disabilities can get better, and you may be able to concieve again. But, if it isnt possible, don't forget that a child somewhere near you would probably love you as their mommy. I hope this helps darling.
Caite
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
20 Dec 09
All hope is not lost so don't continue to be sad or to give up on the idea of someday being a mom. When you and your future husband are ready to have a child, perhaps your condition will allow you to carry it if you're under a doctor's care or you could use a surrogate to carry the baby for you. Adoption is also an option. Being a mom is more than carrying a baby in your womb. My suggestion to you is that you take the best care of yourself that you can, get an education and let the future take care of itself.
