When you first moved out on your own, who or what did you turn to for help?
@LovingLife139 (1504)
United States
December 20, 2009 2:12pm CST
There comes the time that people move out from their parents and/or guardians and begin to live on their own. Whether or not you had chores or duties that helped you learn how to take care of a house, pay bills, etc., beforehand, there was probably something you didn't know right away and had to figure out how to get past.
After moving out of my parent's home at twenty after getting married, I moved straight into a new house with my husband. I already had a business that was our main source of income and had grown up in my parent's home with chores. But then things came along like dealing with car insurance--something I hadn't yet, although I'd dealt with property insurance through my real estate business--and other little things...how do you clean a stained sink? How do you reset a furnace if it doesn't work? How do you check your car's oil to see if you need to change it soon? From the big to the small, there were things I simply didn't think about learning before moving out by myself. For a lot of quick questions, I'd call my dad. For things I didn't need to know right away but for future reference, I'd research it on the computer or even look up how-to videos. For cleaning and laundry related questions, I'd call my mom or grandma. For the rest of it, I'd learn as I went.
What about you? When you first were on your own...or even after you just got married...who was the person or what was the resource that helped you get started? What helped you learn the things that you needed to deal with once on your own but didn't think about beforehand? What were those things?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I lived with my parents until i was 18..then i moved half way across the country and lived with my fiance and his family for a few months before we got a place on our own.
It was definately a BIG responsibility. Neither of us had ever NOT lived with out parents before (well, except for my short stay living with him and his parents, but that wasn't much differnt than living with my parents) And it was a tough adjustment. You don't think about all the little things..all the extra reponsibilities etc. Luckily his family was near by and if we needed assistance with how to handle something, we could give them a call.
The BIG change for me though actually, was after he and i split up. All i can say is THANK GOOODNESS FOR GOOD FRIENDS. I moved into an apartment with a couple firends and between the four of us we figured out and could handle just about anything LoL.
there are still times now when something comes up that i don't know how to fix...certain house repairs (ones that my land lord woudln't be expected to take care of, or ones that are just so inconsequential that it is easier to just igure out how to do it my self than to call him, as he lives a few states away)...and issues with cars. And once again, i say thank goodness for good friends. I know who to cll if need help getting the battery outta my car, i know who to call if i need a cieling fan installed...but for the most part i have learned how to become pretty self suffiient over the past few years LoL
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
23 Dec 09
You know, I'm pretty confident when it comes to house repairs...but you mentioned car repairs, and although I'm really good at figuring out mechanical things, cars scare me. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong in trying to fix or replace something and on a car--something that I drive around in--I don't want to fix it wrong!
I'm glad you figured everything out between all of you. 
Learning from others is the way to go.
Learning from others is the way to go.@fruitcakeliz (2638)
• United States
23 Dec 09
yeah...cars are definately something scary to fix on your own if you aren't 100% sure of what you are doing.
Oh..and i forgot to add in my original post that i still call my mom frequently for cooking tips. I am a pretty good cook myself already, but occasionaly when i decide to try something new, or to re-create something she used to always make, i will call her up for suggestions.
I know i could just look up on line for recipes....but sometimes the way she did things was a little different (like topping the meat loaf with a mix of sugar a ketchup for a wonderul, sweet glaze) and sometimes i do it just because i know it makes her feel good to have some imput in my life...makes her feel like i still need her, and i don't want her to think i don't, even though i live so far away and don't see her often.
@soledadclickz (1106)
• Philippines
21 Dec 09
Hi. I first moved out of house when I was 16 years old. I went to the city for college. But since my parents could not afford to support my education, I did everything to live and spend what my scholarship fund could afford. I lived in a city where I don't know of any relatives who could help me. Coming from a poor family in the province, I was able to survive easily in the city. But I could not forget my experiences of bringing myself to the hospital whenever I was sick. My family members are miles away so they could not afford to visit me. What I did during those times was to ask trusted friends to withdraw from my ATM and process/pay for my hospital bills.
After graduation, I stayed permanently and worked here in the city. I am 29 years old now and I got married a year ago. I'm happy that I now have a partner to accompany me. Life has been easier and more bearable with my husband around.
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
21 Dec 09
Wow. So you had to push through pretty much by yourself. I'm glad you had friends you could trust, as it sounds like there was a lot of weight on your shoulders at the time. Congratulations on your marriage! Best of luck to you and your husband. 
@soledadclickz (1106)
• Philippines
25 Dec 09
Hi LovingLife. Thank you so much for the kind words and best wishes.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
20 Dec 09
I have been out on my own before but my husband hasn't. I lived with friend's alone at one point and it didn't really go over well, but was a real eye opener. Now I know there is a lot my husband and I need to learn before we move out, and we're learning them as we go. Also there's things we'll just have to learn on our own, or have a sort of routine or way of doing things on our own too.
In any case, when we do move out we'll be in the back yard of his parents, so they're a mere walk away from us if we have any questions.
btw, I'm 22 and first moved out at 18.
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
20 Dec 09
You know, I'm a regular Judge Judy watcher and have to wonder if living with friends is ever a good idea. 
There's always some problems with money or who deals with what.
That's great that you'll be close to someone so if they have to show you firsthand how to do something...they can, and conveniently. We live less than ten minutes from my parents and grandparents, even though it's our own house, so if we need to see something firsthand, that's never a problem. We're also living in the same area we've both grown up, so we already know where everything is as well.
Moving out also brings extra expenses many don't think about...cleaning supplies, new appliances (small ones, like toasters, microwaves, blenders, etc.), and even things like laundry detergent and toilet paper that normally you don't buy when living with parents have to be bought new. Thankfully I made a list months before my husband and I married, and we shopped around for new things for the house before we moved in. But it's another one of those things that simply don't cross your mind when you just think of moving out.
Good luck when you move with your husband.
There's always some problems with money or who deals with what.
That's great that you'll be close to someone so if they have to show you firsthand how to do something...they can, and conveniently. We live less than ten minutes from my parents and grandparents, even though it's our own house, so if we need to see something firsthand, that's never a problem. We're also living in the same area we've both grown up, so we already know where everything is as well.
Moving out also brings extra expenses many don't think about...cleaning supplies, new appliances (small ones, like toasters, microwaves, blenders, etc.), and even things like laundry detergent and toilet paper that normally you don't buy when living with parents have to be bought new. Thankfully I made a list months before my husband and I married, and we shopped around for new things for the house before we moved in. But it's another one of those things that simply don't cross your mind when you just think of moving out.
Good luck when you move with your husband. 1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
20 Dec 09
Yes I watched Judge Judy when I was younger and other court shows but once I moved out with my friend's I didn't think about how bad those shows kept making living with friend's seem. Lol. The good thing is I got out somewhat unscathed, lol.
Oh yes, there are plenty of things I am sure we're not thinking about, but it's just the excitement of it all. My husband and I are list makers, he more then I, so we'll be sure to have a list of things we'll need regularly. Of course with it just being two of us it won't be as bad as buying for four, we'll wait a bit before we start having children so we can get used to buying etc.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
21 Dec 09
Hi Loving. I graduated from high school at age 17, continued working in the office where I had done co-op and summer work while in school and married at 18. Up until I married, I lived with my parents and siblings.
The wedding gifts and things we bought for our first modest apartment gave us our start.
36 years later, I lived alone in my current apartment. It was not scary, and I used some of what I'd had in the marriage, much of which was stolen from storage, unfortunately, but bought the odd piece of furniture and such as I could afford it. Now, 4 years later, this apartment feels like home :)
Karen1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
21 Dec 09
You mentioned wedding gifts...those are definitely helpful. Our entire bathroom set and rugs, comforters, drapes, and other decorative or household items were picked out by us but given to us as gifts at my bridal shower. I'm glad you are still able to keep and use some of the things you've had for so long. So many people replace things just to replace them, and it wastes more resources than it saves a lot of the time, unfortunately.
I'm glad you're now feeling at home. Good luck to you.
Our entire bathroom set and rugs, comforters, drapes, and other decorative or household items were picked out by us but given to us as gifts at my bridal shower. I'm glad you are still able to keep and use some of the things you've had for so long. So many people replace things just to replace them, and it wastes more resources than it saves a lot of the time, unfortunately.
I'm glad you're now feeling at home. Good luck to you. 1 person likes this
@willowgirl (188)
•
21 Dec 09
Long ago now thankfully but I didn't really have anyone to turn to for help. I was in a bad situation to start with and then I ended up in the capital at the start of a really serious economic recession and not really knowing what to do. It was a bit swim or drown really. I ended up homeless for a while and it probably quite affected my viewpoint on life into the future.
I did however learn many useful things during that time. Many of which are only just starting to become really useful now in my life.
Later after I got a new home, someone gave me a special big red book about fixing up your home. It told you how to do all kinds of basic things and even tho my DIY skills are appaling I was able to fix all kinds of problems that the insaniac builders or whatever they were, had introduced into the house. I was shocked that with the aid of the magic red book I was able to do a bit of a proper job where the other people who should have been better than me had done a shockingly awful job of things.
All long ago now thankfully!
Onwards and upwards! :)
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
23 Dec 09
Do-it-yourself skills are awesome to have when on your own. It saves you money and teaches you to build or fix things that you may very well have to do again in the future! I'm a big fan of doing things yourself to save money...for my business, even, I'll go into my real estate properties and fix them up myself rather than calling a serviceman in to save money on labor. At home, though, I've taught myself how to check a car's oil, change it myself, clean a laptop keyboard, get rid of fruit flies without buying expensive bug spray, build bookshelves, get animal body fluids out of laundry...you name it! It may be a tad bit more work but it's much less expensive and teaches you more skills.
I'm glad you had the motivation to use that book. So many people get those types of gifts and throw them to the side to "read them later", but they never do. Good luck with those types of things in the future!
I'm a big fan of doing things yourself to save money...for my business, even, I'll go into my real estate properties and fix them up myself rather than calling a serviceman in to save money on labor. At home, though, I've taught myself how to check a car's oil, change it myself, clean a laptop keyboard, get rid of fruit flies without buying expensive bug spray, build bookshelves, get animal body fluids out of laundry...you name it! It may be a tad bit more work but it's much less expensive and teaches you more skills.
I'm glad you had the motivation to use that book. So many people get those types of gifts and throw them to the side to "read them later", but they never do. Good luck with those types of things in the future! @iamakb24fan (9)
• Philippines
21 Dec 09
I first left home when I was eighteen years old. I was in third year college then. I decided to live on my own because I wanted to experience being responsible and being independent. I felt that it was the right time for me to stand on my own. I lived in a boarding house. I paid a minimal amount for a very small room. I had a small cabinet, a small bed, one pillow, and a bedside table that occupied most of the walking space. I had to be very thrifty because part of my money was spent in laundry. I realized that being independent is not easy. It takes a lot of courage and responsibility to survive. After a couple of months, I got used to it. In instances when I had to look for help, I ran to my best friend. She was also living on her own. We helped each other in so many ways. Now that we are older, we no longer have problems with being independent. Moreover, I have learned so many things while I was all by myself.
1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
21 Dec 09
That's great that you had someone to go through it with! You both could teach each other what you had learned. Plus, even though you started out in a small room, it taught you to be thrifty...to use money wisely. Not many people have that ability nowadays. 
I hope you're still putting that to good use!
Plus, even though you started out in a small room, it taught you to be thrifty...to use money wisely. Not many people have that ability nowadays. I hope you're still putting that to good use! 
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
21 Dec 09
I left home when I was nearly 18, as I had to go to university in the city.
For the first two years I lived in a lutheran hostel. This was okay, especially in the fuirst year.
Our meals were provided and we didnt need to think abnout bills We only had to do our own washing, ironing and changing sheets on our beds.
In my thrird year of uni, I moved into a flat with two friends.This meant I had more responsibility. Cooking cleaning, buying groceries and paying bills. As we only had to pay rent telephone and electricity it wasnt to hard to manage.
Now when I left uni & got a job in the country teaching, I had a rented house. There were a few more responsibilites. Eventually I bought my own home.
So I guess I was lucky, as moving out from my parents was a gradual process for me, in terms of responsibilities.
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@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
21 Dec 09
Wow, you're right...yours was an extremely gradual process. Almost as if you were allowed to get used to one area of a time, kind of like the different courses of life.
A home definitely brings a lot more responsibility. You have to take care of the inside of the house but also the outside...and yard work, fixing up things that fall apart, etc. Not to mention that not everyone has nice neighbors. 
I'm glad you could work up to that!
A home definitely brings a lot more responsibility. You have to take care of the inside of the house but also the outside...and yard work, fixing up things that fall apart, etc. Not to mention that not everyone has nice neighbors. I'm glad you could work up to that! @weasel81 (2496)
• Australia
21 Dec 09
i moved out of home when i was 18 after i finished school, i lived in a unit on the stud farm where i worked. i had not transport, so mum would come down, once a week to see me and we go shopping. i'd also get a loan of their car ocassionaly, i only had to deal with my phone bill. then i went home for a few weeks, and out again to another live in job, had to do more there. back home and then once again to another live in job, once i left that i sorta moved in with the inlaws. not a good thing at times then when i was about 8 month preg we got our own place and have been on our own since then. my mum helps out so does my mum inlaw with things.
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
21 Dec 09
It's good that they both help you out with things. It can be hard to begin focusing on a bunch of things at once!
@buping (952)
• China
21 Dec 09
hi friend, when i first moved out on my own, i would not turn fot help to my parents, for they would not help me. they are american type parents, not typical chinese. i would turn for help to my best friend, they would definitely help me anyway. but after a second thought, i have never asked for help to others, i do not used to ask for help to others.
@artistry (4151)
• United States
20 Dec 09
...Hi LovingLife, You hit the nail on the head. My sister and I moved out together to an apartment frankly devastating my mom, but I felt it a neccessary thing to grow up and to be my own person. But in the process, I had to live and learn, whatever came up, if I could I might ask someone about it, but overall, I had to find my way through the forest. I did alright. I think because I was the oldest child, I had good instincts and did not wind up with too many unsolvable problems.
I think it also helps you to work things out without people coming to your rescue, because it gives you a sense of confidence that you fixed it or you solved it and it's a bit like learning to walk, you are doing it without things to hold on to.
Sometimes you have to ask, but we all move along and grow in the process. It's a good thing. After a while I even traveled to other countries on my own, which was a big step for me. Take care.
Take care. 1 person likes this
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
20 Dec 09
You mentioned travel, and that's another big one. When you live at home and need to go somewhere far and stay for personal reasons or just go on vacation, they take care of everything in most cases. A lot of people have to learn how to budget for a vacation, how to time driving/airplane trips right, what hotels to look for and how close they will be to everything. My husband and I actually traveled together once before we were married to see my birth family for the second year in a row. My dad had gone the previous year, and my mom was going to go that year to meet my birth mom and half sisters and brother, but ended up too sick to go. At the last minute we were alone and had to go, and it was scary, but it was like one of those things where you have to do it, so you might as well not worry about it until there's a problem. We did great...got there before we had planned to, even with me driving the entire three hundred and fifty mile way (my husband doesn't drive), and got back alive. For our honeymoon, we were much less worried.
For our honeymoon, we were much less worried. 
@vjagra (147)
• India
21 Dec 09
I had to reply on my strong resolve "to succeed no-matter-what". Newer friends did become medium of support. The biggest obstacle was the fear inside. But later on after a while, you get used to the feeling that you alone have to handle everything -- no matter how small or trivial it is. But after success began to come in small lots the confidence grew. As they say "Nothing succeeds like success".
