I am Inlove with my husband but i don't like his 2 kids.
By happynin
@happynin (87)
United States
December 21, 2009 12:17pm CST
i love my husband and i know he has 2 children before we got married, i tried my best to be their mom in a way, but his kids are pushing me to my limits and my patience is running out. they are so LAZY, dis respectful and dumb in a way that both of them are in special ed.. i don't want to be mean but they are making a monster out of me.
we moved out last year and tried to live as adults. married couple and be a family, but his children always make us miserable. they don't respect my husband neither do i. they don't follow rules and both have dirty mouth all the time. whenever i came from work, the house is filthy and they always fight like cats and dogs.
3years, always been there for them, their mother has her own family and she only call and visit them once in a blue moon. i know, im here 3 years she never call them nor visit them, all i want is a little respect at least. they are 15 and 14yo and my mom-in law asking me to give them a bath.. i am fed up and done with in, really as hell, so i confronted my husband, i want to move out and not live with them..
does this mean.. i don't love my husband? if i cant get along with his children? or am i like being childish? i need advice.
2 people like this
5 responses
@srganesh (6340)
• India
22 Dec 09
They are passing on their adolescent age and their mentality can be understood.You re not their mother and they won't like you at all if they have some soft corner for their own mother.Well,if your husband and their mother had been quarreling a lot before their separation,that could be a reason for their behavior.What they need is attention and parental love.Even if you are ready,they will not accept it quickly.Their father has to look into this seriously,take them outings,spend more time and they will become soft eventually.Motivate your husband to do this.
@happynin (87)
• United States
22 Dec 09
both of my step daughters are raised by their grand parents, over spoiled i may say that they don't even know what is the meaning of respect. we all been to adolescence but i never disrespect my parents like what they do.. you can imagine worst words or dirty language you can possibly imagine. they are young adults, how much more can you imagine if they become adults. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant stand living with them or seeing and hearing the things they do every single day. i love my husband so much, and moving out without his kids will make my husband lonely. their mother doesnt even bother, nor call them nor visit them. my only option is to move out and leave my step daughters with their grand parents, and just support them financially.
1 person likes this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
23 Dec 09
That is really sad and shocking to hear.I thought they are boys and now learning that they are girls talking filthy language and growing up without respecting seniors...my god!they surely need counseling the most.And is your husband ready to move out with you?What is his stand towards his daughters way of growing?
@happynin (87)
• United States
24 Dec 09
he was always busy at work so since their mother left them coz she met another man. my husband has the full custody for his daughter. the mother is now married and has her own kids. so most of the time my his mom is the one who helped him raised his daughter. he does'nt wanna move out, he want to send his daughters to their mother. but i heard, officially, that their mothers husband does'nt want them to stay there because he knows what kind of daughters she has. so i dont really now as of now. my option is to leave them with my in-laws and just support them financially. since my inlaws actually spoiled them. i just feel hurt whenever my step daughter dis respect my husband in front of me. my husband is a nice person and a good father to them, he don't deserve to be treated that way.
both girls are very lazy as bad as you can imagine. 15-and 14yo and my mother inlaw is still giving them a bath. thats insane. they both have their period, they dont know anything, i mean anything. thanks for the response srganesh.
@mhaibless (210)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Hi.. if you are truly in love with your husband, you must also love to those around him. Love is not focusing only to him. You must love his children the most because for him his children are his world.
@TickleMeBreathless (590)
• United States
23 Dec 09
First of all, I'm sorry you feel upset about this. =[ I know this can be a stressful situation. I don't have much experience in this area, seeing as I'm only 18, but I know that my father was never there for me, which resulted in me naturally being bitter at him, and quarreling with my mom over things that weren't her fault.
I would encourage your husband to talk with them, and tell them that they need to shape up or ship out. Basically, stop treating you and your husband like crap. You provide for them, and try your best, and they need to give the same. If they can't do that, they need to find another place to stay. If they are treating you with disrespect and ignoring you, their hormones could be kicking in, and they still may be adjusting and upset at the previous situation.
Talk to a professional, a therapist or such. They will be able to give you better advice. There are books you could possibly get advice from as well. Good luck!
@happynin (87)
• United States
24 Dec 09
thanks tickle, we all went to adolescence but there are things that most teenagers dont do, like giving their grandparents a "Middle finger" or an F word, and B word and bad words you can imagine, my husband provides anything they need, and me supports them at school, homework and chores. I tried my best to be a good mom, step mom to them. but they are really out of normal. compare to normal teenagers. all i know theres only one black ship in the family, not two. both of them are really obnoxious. i tried helping them at schoolwork, teaching them how to read at least. at their age they dont know how to read and spell, they are in special ed. they dont know anything and life is not simple when they grow up like adults it would be hard for them to face all obstacles in life. they dont follow rules, obey and respect. as of we are trying to resolve the problem.
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I think it does not mean you do not love your husband. It is such a way that you are forced to do things beyond what you can be. You are pressured by the responsibilities that though you tried your best for that problem in 2 kids, you are still upset because of the realization that, why your life has to be a mess for the reason that you love your husband.
I cannot blame you if you confronted your partner.But, I guess since he knows how you feel. He must do something about your claims and be considerate enough that you tried your best for him and that is what far you can do. Ask him if you really have to do that and till when?" what is his solution for the problem? Ask him what will you expect in your relationship? and most importantly, what is the life he wanted to bring with you? there you can have clear opted solutions if you will continue or ask for some space to think clearly.
A relationship that is one way only or mean always take without giving in return is not a healthy relationship. Time will come to be tired and restless.
A relationship must be give and take. Respect for oneself is a must and good understanding for an effective communication and solution for the problem.
@maria1081 (1251)
• Philippines
21 Dec 09
Do you live in a country where divorce is allowed? Its an option but i dont advice you. What if the kids just stay at their mother's house? I have seen kids like them in reality shows aired in canada and I was shocked how those kids treated their real parents. Cant you get them to participate to counseling?
@happynin (87)
• United States
22 Dec 09
yes i live in the US, but we got married in the only Asian country which doesn't agree with divorce. but dont get me wrong, i love my husband so much, it only bothers me and hurts me a lot whenever his daughters treating him like a jackass. it really pist me off like hell. thank you for your time and advice i do appreciate it maria.
