Until when can you stick it out with your husband?
By atebuds
@atebuds (187)
Philippines
December 21, 2009 8:23pm CST
I know everyone dreams of a perfect and successful marriage. How some couples love and take care of each other until the end. But what do you do if you just can't take it anymore? You feel that the love is gone, and you cannot tolerate anymore the attitude and behavior of your spouse. Especially in countries where divorce is not allowed. What do we do? Do we have to suffer continuously? What about getting back our life? It is so depressing. Would you like to share your insights?
10 responses
@fsll518 (304)
• China
22 Dec 09
The social system means good for people to keep stable life and family pattern. I think love is not one moment passion, it is actually life-long devotion. When you decide to serious love someone, you should have be ready to tolerate his defects. Otherwise, you shouldn't have married at all.
If you feel you are suffering, then it must be sad. It is still possible to regain the loving feeling if you really try to make it happen. Love is not just rights, there is also the "duty" part.
(If he started to treat you very bad, because of his own reason, then you can try to claim to your local women's rights protection organization.)
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
That's right. Sometimes, in married life, you just wake up one day with someone you thought is your husband, but you didn't realize that everything has changed. You can never know when you married the right person until you have been living together for several years and then the unexpected happens. Either one of you may change attitude and behaviour. And, the real thing shows up. The bad habits and all.
1 person likes this
@scifigiirl (1)
• United States
22 Dec 09
Hi atebuds. I empathize completely with your situation and understand how you feel since my married life is not very different from yours so much so that I wonder if your husband is BPD(Borderline personality disordered)(like my husband is). You might want to check out this website www.BPDCentral.com. They have a great support group for those who are not BPD but are married to someone who is. If you are not sure if your spouse is BPD you can also go to www.tearsandhealing.com to find out if your spouse is BPD and how you can save yourself from the BPD's abusive behaviors and attitudes that you must experience. I know that this site made me realize that I wasn't alone and that if I ever did want to leave my husband these people would surely be emotionally available for any kind of support or advice I would need or want. I hope this helps and I hope the new year not only brings on a decade but also a pathway to a better future.
@jilshi (271)
• Malaysia
22 Dec 09
i trust my husband very much and he takes cares of me although i fell life threatening illness. he did not complaint when i am sick and i am glad that he had fully supported me when i need him. i think you should appreciate your marriage especially your husband and children.
@nskhan1983 (92)
• Pakistan
22 Dec 09
AWWW...what a depressing situation..I cant even imagine of being trapped in such a mess..coz i love my husband and he loves me..we are not perfect, we at times hurt each other by our attitude or behavior..but then, we always try to change those things in our behavior that hurt the other..I know most of the people might say that love someone without changing him/her. but change is the key..if the husband is stubborn,the wife should be a bit flexible to cope with the situation..if the wife is rigid,the husband should bend a little..but one of them has to change..coz no two persons in this world are alike..no two persons can spend a PERFECT life with no worries n problems at all...everyone has good and bad times...just look at the ones who are in far worse condition than you are...patience is the key...and also CHANGE...
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
You're very lucky because your husband knows how to compromise with you. It's really just normal for a couple to have their little fights and misunderstandings. But it is really up to them to know how to accept their mistakes and try to change for the better. It's very hard if the relationship is a one-way traffic, like in my case. But I'm still trying to be calm, so that I can keep control of myself. Thank you..
@snafushe (791)
• Canada
22 Dec 09
I wouldn't be able to take it anymore after the guy either cheats, which is the ultimate disrespect to me. I hate cheaters, no matter how much they apologize and vow to never do it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. The other offense made my a husband I would never be able to forigve is if he abused me in anyway, even if it's verbally. If he disrespects me with words it's pretty much bad as him disrespecting me with fists, I demand respect from a relationship. I give it so why shouldn't I get it?
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
yes everyone dreams of a perfect and successful marriage, actually we're almost similar. but im not yet sure of it, i just have this feeling that we're both fading, maybe it's because we're just apart, my hubby work out of the country...I just don't feel the attachment this time, he's been too cold recently..I hate to mind negative thoughts now, especially christmas is coming. I hope things will turn out well for us.well for you atebuds if you think you can't tolerate it anymore then let it go..just be ready to face the consequence.. but some times God allow us trials to see how strong we are,test couples...how about give yourselves a chance??? goodluck and merry christmas!
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
Thank you. As of now, since I have no choice yet, I just have to live my life as it is, continuously hoping for the best. But I tell you, it's hard. :) Sometimes I cry inside the bathroom just to release the stress and tension. I'll be waiting for that opportunity when I can have my life back. Prayer has been my only shield. And acquaintances like you. Merry Christmas!
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
yes, i always cry to lessen the pain. but don't lose hope, prayer is powerful, let's depend everything to God,he knows exactly whats best for us:)
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
22 Dec 09
Hi,
Of course everyone dream of perfect wedding but it is hard to find the best one for you. sometimes you have to get along with what you have and learn how to deal with your partner. sometimes it might turns out to be something that you wishing for. well, each one of us need to learn about someone that we think we will spend the rest of our life with. so good luck with that
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 09
Maybe it's so hard to live with those situation, but this will help you to find your way out, Remember when you are still in dating with him, and when you decided to accept his propose, and all other things that make you both happy before ... and don't forget to pray, that's one that might help alot 
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
22 Dec 09
i'm sorry to hear that divorce is not allowed in your country so you have missed the last choice aobut this marriage and you'd better know whether your husband still love you or not. if love still then you can help him to change and you may not only focuse on your husband's weakness and try to work hard on your job and you may success on that way.good luck.
