You all helped me regain my composure when a friend hurt me badly...

Sane as usual. :) Thanks thea. Really appreciate it. :) I was debating, whether as an elder I should be forgiving. But it could mean my mental balance. I generally get confused when confronted with such simple things. :)

Such a shame you closed off your discussion so early.

Hi thea, the matter was already resolved! Three right thinking people say no, so it is no. :) Why hang on? :)

Makes sense. And since you have known it first hand, you can understand how it feels. I was only abused verbally, but still it was very painful. I can understand how your sister must have felt. I perfectly agree with your choice for me, as well as you and your sister. All the best. :)

I don't believe it's you. This so called friend is pushing your buttons. Please don't let her get the best of you. In my situation, I just slowly faded away. Didn't return her calls, didn't answer emails. I hated to be that way to another person but it was my only salvation. She really annoyed me, my husband and our kids with her selfish, childish behavior. I did all I could to be a good friend. Maybe that's where I went wrong. I was TOO nice. I think she finally got the message.

Hi carolbee, thanks for making me feel better. I told her of course that I dont have any inclination to continue this relationship. Yes, I'd be forced to consider taking her in, had she been apologetic for her rash behavior. As things stand, she was only testing waters to check whether I cared or not, so that she can come in once again. I have to agree to those things you said. And I am also single. And may be I do cry a bit, like I did in this post. :) But I am normally a very happy person. :) I get up singing, I feel blessed to see day break, to watch the birds as I sip my tea, I feel blessed to get my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and to have a maid around to help me out. :) You see, I never had many of these things for most of my life. :) So, I cant really be crying, can I? Not every single person is a cry baby. :) I actually taught this friend to beat stress through singing. It is all those moments that make me feel, where did I go wrong. :)

Exactly. Being TOO nice is not always the best thing. :( We think that the world will be a better and happy place if we are nice. But instead, there are people who start taking advantage of us! Even if we ignore it to certain extent, they start expecting more, and cannot understand when we draw lines. I do understand your situation carolbee. :) But because I am single, it was easier for me to be more patient. But the reward I got was definitely not what I deserved. She said she thought of me like a mother, and may be I felt flattered. :(

If your mind advised you to severe your relations with her, it was right to go by your mind and you did the right thing, there is no question of not feeling happy about it.

Where were you yesterday when I needed you? :( That is why I chose to come here and seek help. I already followed their advice as I was not able to sleep without resolving the issue. I've been pretty upset about it for quite a while, so a greeting from her was like scratching a healed wound. I was not sure what should be done. Whether I would be very mean and unforgiving. I dared to take the step to cut her off for good. I add it didn't give me any pleasure, but I did it.

I might not have read you right in your discussion or you did not elaborate at length that there were broken episodes prior to her flare up with the outpouring of her anger towards you. Her used of vulgar words is unacceptable and she needs that whipping rod as punishment. Looks like this woman is a fickle minded person and do not deserve to be called a friend. Her unbecoming behavior has broken the chain of friendship and for that I will just fly away and let her taste her own bitter pills with my 'forget it' approach to this issue. You have other friends so it is your right to write her off.

Thanks for the support zandi, and Reeyan. I was truly innocent in this friendship. It led me to mylot though, as if god wanted to compensate me amply. :) And I also got another friend. :) On the whole, in 2009, I lost one friend but gained many. Not a bad year. But I wish things would have been different. I hate losing friends. :(

Suppose there were accusations as well. :) Like I was angling for her guy, when I was not. :) Would I feel comfortable enough in that relationship. I forgave her once before, please note that, only to be hurt again. Would she not read it as sign of weakness? Would she not read it as sign of it is ok to be like that? And suppose I fear being hurt again, which my hurt my sanity. Would you still advise it?

I am glad I could help. I have a feeling that she will try to get back in your good graces. Please stand firm and if she calls be polite but firm. Just say you were on your way out. Do you have a phone that gives you the callers number? If not it may be something you should look into. You sound like a nice person so don't let her stop you from making new friends. Just be careful of what you say until you know the person better.

Oh, thank you patms. You are also very kind person. I didn't think of it like that. But yes, we do have some common friend circle. However, I shared them with her, it is not as if they were originally her friends. So, if I am no longer there to back her, this set of friends would understand that something has happened. Yes, she might try to contact me. I thought of that possibility. Whenever she came down to this town, she put up with me. Now, since that is not possible, the friends will obviously ask. So she will definitely avoid meeting me, so that truth is not out, and they can continue to presume that she is staying with me. All this occured to me after you wrote. :) So I guess, everything will be ok for me. I will keep your advise in mind. Thanks once again. :)

I did exactly what you mentioned here, thanks to the advise of mylotters. :) I sent her a note saying that our friendship was not working as my heart is not in it after those abusive words. Those were my words. I hope the next time she decides to unleash her abusive vocabulary, she remembers the sad note on which this friendship ended, and checks herself. Possibility of meeting her will never arise I suppose. She stays in another town. So it is truly shutters for this relationship for life. May be I am a bit sentimental, may be silly, but that realization makes me very sad.

Well, honestly - she was my colleague. At that time I was the oldest of the lot, and I treated her like a kid just like I used to treat the rest. She was good in her work, and therefore, there were moments when others would be envious of her, and I did stand up for her a few times. But then, somebody ridiculed me for not having children, and so I hit right back, saying it is better not to have one than to have one that nobody wants around. I am also not a very good person sid. I don't know what she was going through at that point of time, but she stood up for that girl, and I suppose it was right - that was indeed very nasty on my part. Subsequently, I learnt that her marriage was on rocks. So I understood that there must be some turmoil in her mind. She used to say that I am quite like her mother in law, so I presumed that her anger was not exactly directed at me. During her divorce, she turned completely towards me, and I actually saw her in her most vulnerable stage, which is not something you get to see of every friend. Her husband had found himself another girl, and was openly ridiculing her, which is something I didn't like. So I suggested she too start looking for a match before it is too late. She said relatives will not come forward. So I suggested go to net. She said it can get me into a problem, if the person identifies me at outset. So I allowed her to use my name. There was this guy who started corresponding. I categorically told him several times I am not the person but I am doing it for a friend. He thought I was lying and continued to correspond with me. I finally got him to talk to her and meet her. At that point of time I dont know what the guy told her, but she came and started scolding me. I am old enough to be her mother. She told me I was an a**, I didn't know how to handle things (which I suppose I didn't). She asked me did I send my picture to the guy. I had not done anything so stupid. I sent all the correspondence that I had with that boy to her, to show that I had conducted myself with as much dignity as possible. She did not relent, and said the guy had called me childish, and somebody who'd been chasing him. What??? Actually, it was he who'd been following up with me. Couldn't she make out from the emails? So I gave him a piece of my mind. At this the match really fizzled out, and she squarely blamed me - saying for your age you don't know anything and all that. She'd been trying for another match on her own as this was taking much too long. She'd sent her photographs to that guy, and that guy had not reverted back after that. And as I told you before, I am myself a nasty person, I reminded her that there are things people dont like in arranged marriages, may be the guy I'd looked for her didn't like something about her, after all, even the other match that she was looking for on herself was not materializing. That prompted her to say, "my, you are a real b****". And she immediately disconnected chat. That was in June 2009. I was depressed, and disgusted with the entire issue. I'd been searching for a suitable match for her for almost 4 months by then! Finding out about them. I really dont know where I went wrong. I unnecessarily got my sentiments involved. :( Hope you understood the content. Sorry it is such a lengthy post. I think I am doing the right thing by keeping her out of my life.

Thank you for advice Hatley. :) Really appreciate it. :) Been torn between being forgiving, and losing my mental balance, and being firm and throwing her out of my life. I will now do the needful immediately, as I am unable to sleep with the issue ringing in my mind.

No Yugasini, she is not my daughter, but I treated her like one till this happened. Now the chapter is closed. We broke up before I joined mylot, that is 5 months ago. Suddenly she sent me a greeting. So I was in a dilemma, should I forgive or should I cut off? It was a bit late in the night to call any friends, and because the matter was fresh in my mind, I was unable to sleep. That is the reason I came here to ask some advise. Almost everybody had the same answer.

I dont think she will contact me, or expect any explanations from me, after her behavior. She obviously knew she crossed her limit, and that what she uttered uncontrollably was not going to be easy to pardon. She is possibly testing waters. If there is any hope, she would like to re-enter. May be this time she will be cautious, but I might end up with paranoid feelings towards her. Yes, I think almost all of you have advised the same thing.

Yes, that is very wise Karen. :) I just get these bouts of guilt, not having been around for a friend when she was in dumps, kind of thing. She was probably upset at the way things turned out in her life, frustrated. And I just happened to be around to take a shovel load. :( Choice is mine, of course, but so many people cannot be wrong. Can they?

Hi bingchen, I am a bit on sensitive side. There are things that dont go down too well with me. And I think her behavior is one such thing. I am not afraid of her as much as I am afraid of myself. It is not as if my vocabulary is not good enough to retaliate with such words. Problem is I dont have to. I can just inflict unbearable pain with simple words. I feel this time if ever such things do happen, I would end up hurting her more than I should be. Alternately, I would become nasty with one and all because of bottling my feelings. I dont want to do either. As things stand, I am a happy person.

No warvial, actually, I did contemplate that. For a moment she might accept the condition, but there might be something that I do, wittingly or unwittingly, that might once again lead to such flare ups. I have decided now. I have decided to close the doors for her. :( I have a right to self preservation, and that is what I am doing. :)

Hi vandana7, yes, we should have heard of "a leopard can't change his spots". Thus, if it has reached a stage of repeating process, then I think it's time you make your final decision rather than letting such person ruin your happy day. If she insisted on breaking into your friends' list, you might want to draw a line starting from her name where your acquaintance list starts. It's good to have acquaintance as you never know when they can make it back into your friend list. Most important of all, don't make yourself upset because of an acquaintance. Cheers