Do you ever consider how much YOUR attitude affects other people?
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
December 26, 2009 5:35pm CST
When you are happy and joyful, that affects other people in a good way, but when you are miserable, morose, depressed, sad, or EVEN WORSE - hypocritical, cynical, negative, hopeless, apathetic, and you spread THAT, where do you GET the cajones to do that without shame??
Silence truly IS golden when the choice is between someone's 'well intentioned' negative spouting and well... SILENCE.
I am steaming right now because of someone who ever so childishly decided instead of being an actual INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEING and ceasing to be negative for oh... ONE DAY... chooses instead to drop/dump/remove me because he would prefer to spout his negative depressing hopeless and cynical drama to his little cult of followers.
I am worried more about other people than me, I can see that bs for what it is, BS, but there are people out there who take every little 'perceived threat' seriously, every little 'what if' scenario, every single little thing that could cause paranoia causes them to panic. I shudder to think there may actually be people who consider ending their own lives over the negativity, the idea that life is horrible and will never get better. Yes I know the government sucks, but that is just a general reality and it has been that way for dozens of years! DOZENS! It doesn't depress me because it's a fact. It doesn't make me fear for my life because it's a fact! It was the same ridiculous drivel when I was a kid growing up.
Please, if you want to share anything with others this Christmas or holiday season, start with your own attitude. People have enough trouble in life without being brought down negatively by other people. Remember, a smile, a postive comment, or a kind word costs you NOTHING. Put aside your petty jealousy if you are one of those who is miserable. Use your energy to make your situation better instead of begrudging those of us who are happy.
Off my intermittent soap box for the year.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@allknowing (137775)
• India
27 Dec 09
I dont think anyone else's attitude should affect us. We should be like the rock of gibraltor stable and unmoved by the vibes created by others. We can have a control over ourselves and we owe ourselves something to sustain us and in that process we give out vibes that may affect others adversely only if they have not acquired immunity from such vibes.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I believe you completely missed the point. When you are exposed to people who are constantly negative, share their grievances at every turn, any time you mention anything positive, cool, fun, or GOOD, they respond with negative crap and completely ignore the fact that there are good things in life.
Of course it's easy to say we should be unmoved by the vibes created by others, but didn't you see what I stated originally - that when someone is happy and joyful, that rubs off on others? Have you ever heard the phrase 'when mommy's not happy, NOBODY'S happy'? That's true you know. Of course you could insert any title or name in there and make it just as true....
I know lots of people who are very sensitive to their outside environment. I can let a lot of crap bounce off me and it doesn't make me feel horrible PERSONALLY, (although the attitude of the other person will piss me off) but I have friends who suddenly think they are stupid or fat or a bad friend or a bad mom or any number of things just because someone ELSE said it, or because they got a vibe that someone ELSE didn't like them. My vent was that I want to protect these people against these negative people because they can't seem to control themselves!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
Well my approach is not to just tell people who are bullied to always IGNORE it or that it doesn't matter that there are negative people and bullies. MY approach is to take it out on those negative people and bullies and SHOW THEM it will not be tolerated. I wish they would LEARN but if they don't, at the very least, they will possibly be embarrassed or ridiculed and know how it feels - how they make other people feel. Sometimes ONLY something like that teaches these people because they are insecure and sensitive themselves. If they were secure and okay with themselves, they would never make it a point to make others miserable on purpose. Remember, misery loves company.
@allknowing (137775)
• India
29 Dec 09
You know mommyboo the best way to deflate anyone is to ignore their slights and insults and once that is done there is nothing left for them to get that sadistic joy which they wait for. Anyway this is my thinking and it has worked with me.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
27 Dec 09
Hi mommyboo,Yes, I do know how contagious a negative attitude is. It is every bit as contagious as a smile or a kind gesture. I know that we can't always be bubbly and happy but if someone is habitually negative I do try to avoid being around that person as much as possible. Being happy is on my priority list of thing to do each day. It takes a bit of work sometimes and sometimes we could use a little help. Other times we can help pull each other up. Then there are those people....the ones who ALWAYS seem to have a negative outlook on just about everything. Tis true...the government has always for as I can remember been a bit corrupt...not much has changed there in my lifetime and I'm pretty old. I remember being terrified as a little kid that russia was going to push some button and blow us up. We're all still here.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
28 Dec 09
Exactly mommyboo. I have been thru all sorts of stuff. I have been so so down in the dumps at times....that's when it is really a challenge. I don't let it become my life...I work at getting out of that spot because it feels horrible. The people most apt to see me at my worst of course are those that live with me...the ones that I love the most. They know. I am not above throwing a rant and then I take a breather...go for a walk....anything and everything to get out of that foul mood i'm in. I work in the public and I will not bring my problems into work. It is part of my job to smile and be friendly no matter what is going on in my life. What I've found is that even if I have to fake my smile....people do smile back and that automatically puts me in a better mood. After a while...I'm not faking that smile anymore. 
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
You hit the nail on the head sid - being happy is a choice. Just like love is sometimes a choice. Neither are based entirely on other people, our environment, and our current or past situation. Some of the most unlikely satisfied, loving, and happy people are people who have literally been through hell and back - but that's the point, they made it back. They didn't take a victim status and cry that everybody owes them. That the sky is falling. That there is no point in being happy.
I am worried too - to a point - of invasions and issues from other countries who do not like us, but I don't necessarily think they don't like ME. They don't like our government - which is corrupt, so I can't blame them totally for disliking our government.
Anyway, despite the economy concerns, terrorism concerns, etc, I don't see it as an all-encompassing black cloud that I need to stay under. I haven't had any problems whatsoever by ignoring most of it, it hasn't changed MY life at all, so anybody who sits there and tries to act like it would, that's a load of hogwash lol. I am probably older than half of the people who are running around paranoid, so I have more life experience anyway. That's why I would never want to know in advance the date I would die or what I would die of, because then knowing would ruin the time I had left and I wouldn't be able to NOT dwell on it, know what I mean?
I am not always happy either, but in almost any situation, I can point out something good even if nobody else can, and I am determined to do that.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
27 Dec 09
Hi sid: I must admit that sometimes i'm just very worried of my own problems that i can not defeat my own negativity but in those cases i try to be alone and be relaxed. It's just a disaster, in those cases i don't want to talk with anybody and I react in a very negative way. when we are feeling bad we can not do almost anything, we don't find a solution and it's ok that your priority would be, to be just happy. When I am in a negative state of mind i try to calm down and then i would ask for help. Thanks for sharing with us your feelings. Hope you are having a nice day. Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10873)
•
27 Dec 09
I have been a therapist over the last 30 years or so, and I have noticed how each of us can effect others with our moods. We don't even have to say anything sometimes, just a negative look on the face can be enough and even some sensitive people can pick up negativity by just being in the same room where there is a negative person.
As a therapist, I have noticed another fascinating aspect of this, and that there are some people, who when in a negative state of mind, can act like a vampire and draw the energy from his/her companion. I have found that after a session with me, such a person can leave feeling a lot happier and breezier, yet I am left feeling drained and exhausted. If there is time in such a circumstance, I will spend 20-30 minutes in Zen meditation and then I am often revitalised to continue my work through the rest of the day. - Derek
- Derek1 person likes this
@derek_a (10873)
•
28 Dec 09
Yes.. I know exactly what you mean. Outside of my work, I know somebody like this. The last time I asked them to be positive, all I got in return was aggression. I will associate with this person once they at least consider being more postiive, but whilst this person relishes in misery, then it doesn't do either of us any good to be associated. Many people nurse their pain as if it it something precious, for to take it away means they can no longer manipulate people around them. There is always a pay-off. And I always ask my clients what "reward" their negativity is bringing them. Discussions like this are valuable and help us to open up to what's lurking deep in our own mind. Thank you - Derek
- Derek@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I know exactly what you're describing. I am not a therapist but my husband often jokes that I am my friends' therapist - of the unpaid variety lol. I won't deny the fact. This is one reason why I try to avoid negativity in my life unless I know there is something I get to exchange for it - I mean if I am helping somebody, I will deal with the negativity on the way to the goal, and sometimes in order to show somebody I love them, I will put up with some of the drama in small doses even if it makes me uncomfortable. However, in general terms - when it is a stranger, someone who is just an acquaintance and not deemed to be worth investing in friendship with, I will not purposely choose to remain around their negative vibes if they are NOTHING but negative.
I think that's what happened to me and I just had had enough. Honestly, all I ever asked of the guy was ONE message to please be positive for ONE DAY. He couldn't even manage that. I was just boiling after that. I usually pride myself on cheering up others but I was just really shocked that instead of cheering up the guy, he acted as if I were raining on HIS parade.
1 person likes this
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
27 Dec 09
I hear ya mommy, I hear ya. I know that some people can ruin the holidays for others, I have a few choice words for some people in my family because of it. I waited until after the holiday so they could feel all big and mighty but I'm about to take them down! I try to have a positive attitude during the holidays, they only come a few times a year.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I have heard there are some places where people get fined for being a jerk.... so I would propose a fine levied upon people who NEVER ACT POSITIVE, who are gloom and doom and miserable all the time. I mean I am sorry they are miserable but when I am miserable I DO something about it! I don't make it my life's work to bring everybody around me down and cause them sadness, worry, and paranoia!
@calai618 (1773)
• Philippines
27 Dec 09
i have always been so moody and bad-tempered that even my family is afraid of me. but, that was when i was still under the pressure of school. now that i have already graduated, even I myself noticed how huge of a change I had. I used to ruin everybody's day because of my sudden mood swings but recently, my father commented how huge I have changed. he said that my aura has become more positive and I think it's because i have already been relieved of all the tensions and pressures of school. I also noticed that my family is very harmonious now. we dont fight often and we are always happy. i am glad that we are much better right now and that i changed for the better. Now I realize how much of a pain I were. :(
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I think this guy could win a million dollars and get a marriage proposal and get the job he wanted and live in the home he wanted and he would STILL be freaking negative about his future. I am sorry, I have no understanding or patience for people like that! I wish they'd fall in a hole.... where nobody could see or hear them ever again. He wouldn't deserve everything I just mentioned here. Those benefits are for people who actually appreciate them.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
27 Dec 09
Hi mommy boo: I completely agree with you. We have to always remember that our attitude affects not only our health but the mental health of other people. As you have mentioned, to smile and to have some kind words don't cost a thing and makes us all feel better. It's true that we have problems and that the world it's a mess but that not means that we have to make things worst. A good attitude really help us all and help us to find a solution. Thanks for sharing with us your feelings about this situation. I have nothing more to add, it's clear for me that a good attitude would improve our situation. Hope you are having a nice day. Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Dec 09
I try to always think about how my attitude affects other people, but that doesn't mean that I am always successful. I never think that people are able to control their attitude 100 percent of the time. This year was a good one for me based on my attitude and my ability to control my emotions, but it wasn't especially good for everyone in my family. My husband has been dealing with kidney stones for several months and that has actually made it difficult for me at times because he was in pain and his mood was off. My mother lost her job earlier in the year and because of that was depressed for a time which gave me a sense of depression as well. I know that the way that we behave is heavily impacted by the way that other people around us feel.
@abetojr (32)
• Philippines
27 Dec 09
Yes,I consider my attitude that affects other people because people are just like us but different attitude when my attitude is very bad it can affect not just people yet it can affect the world.Example if I play basketball skillfully my teammates will be affected by the great thing...Life is just affecting and affecting attitudes but sometimes people will not be affected because they refuse to be like you,if you are a drunker your family will be affected also your wife and children...Just make sure your attitude is good so the people will not be affected and also the world...
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
As long as people share good attitudes with others and keep negative things to themselves, we have a chance to pay it forward and be the reason someone else has a better day. You benefit too from thinking that way instead of being a downer....
I think I was mostly angry about the fact the person cared more about HIMSELF BEING A DOWNER than making ANY positive attempt, even for a day.
@ToughTate (143)
• United States
26 Dec 09
I do consider what how my attitude effects others but most of the time I don't really worry about it. I can't really control how other people react to things in the world, including me. I'm also an introvert so most people think I'm always depressed or mad but the fact of the matter is that I have to be alone for a good while during the day or else I'll start actually feeling negative and grumpy. Sometimes I just need my alone time and others judge that as being negative but it's actually one of the best things for me sometimes. You can never stop the ongoing judgement between human beings, but you can act so as to not judge others in the hope that they would return the act.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Dec 09
Well what upset me with THIS incident is that all I asked of that person was that they be POSITIVE for ONE DAY. Does that sound like an offensive or insurmountable request? No, of course not. It is - in my opinion - a fairly innocuous and reasonable expectation.
People who are miserable can learn to talk themselves out of misery by ACTING as if they are not miserable, CHOOSING to say POSITIVE rather than negative things, and if they try hard enough even if they do not FEEL that way, they will eventually begin to feel that way. It's the same thing as people who are afraid of speaking in public or afraid of social situations - if you tell yourself you are NOT afraid and make opportunities to get outside of your comfort zone, you will eventually learn how to deal with it. You may never really ENJOY it but you will fool people into thinking you are enjoying yourself, that you are very socially adept, and that you are fun to hang out with lol. If you can't feel like em, fool em, that's what I say.
People who cannot count their blessings or who focus only on the awful things surrounding them really have problems - everybody who is alive is ALIVE! If you're reading posts at this site - wow, you can see, you have use of your hands, you are literate - you can read - you have electricity and an internet connection, a computer, that's already more than some people have. This is what I mean about being positive.
@sweetbali4you (359)
• India
27 Dec 09
Hi mommyboo,
our attitude always effects other people what i say,i feel,i talk about any person in the world in our relationships in our friendship what thinking i keeps for our friends it is very important in our life.
