Mom got the hate, can you tell me why?
By smileonstar
@smileonstar (4007)
United States
December 28, 2009 1:19pm CST
HI
well, may be I am not a good kid after all cuz I talked about my mom to all of you here... but this is something I can't understand why, so I turned to you for some advices.
This Christmas, I took my parents to Las Vegas. Of course, we had a great time on Christmas day but the day after everything changed. We were having fun talking about this and that and my 21 months old daughter(names TYRA) always answer No to every questions we asked her. so my 5 years old daughter (names Michelle) asked her whether she likes my MOM or my DAD? and Tyra said NO to both of her questions. Then my MOM asked Michelle(1st daughter) if she likes my DAD? she said YES. And when my mom asked again, if she likes her? she said NO.
Then my Mom started to change, got mad at me and my daughter. She denied not to eat dinner with us, she denied not to go out of the hotel with us. When we got back to the hotel around 10pm... she was so mad at my husband,my dad, my kids and myself cuz we came to the hotel late. The next day, she didn't talk to us at all... not a word. she kept walking alone, even sat down to eat breakfast together she was way over the end of the table alone. I tried to talk to her and asked her what she wanted for breakfast... she didn't even talk to me back.
I felt so bad and didn't want to go with her again. well, I love my parents so much but when she did this to me... I felt like she never think I am her daughter at all. Plus, my daughter is just a kid(she is 5years old) so she doesn't know everything completely yet. My mom, once she feels mad at someone then she will be mad the whole family. I dont know why but that's the way she is now. Last time, when I got married, she never kept my video wedding and when she came to visit us and she asked for it. after that she got mad at my daughter again of some reason, I didn't remember... so she didn't take my video wedding with her.
I dont know why she is full of hate in between me, my daughter so bad. most of the time, she would remind me how much I owe her about gave life to me...
Could you please tell me why she does that? or cuz she doesn't like my daughter or me? well, no matter what... I still love her as my Mother(someone that I always respect in my whole life) But please help answer me to this situation
2 people like this
7 responses
@yhyp0205 (12)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 10
hi smileonstar, I believe that everyone has basic needs for acceptance, to feel needed and loved. So it is with your mother, but sometimes the way we loved her does not fit with what she wanted, so trying to find out the way she want. Trust me love never fail *_*
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
3 Jan 10
well, thanks for responding to my discussion. I am trying my best by keep talking to her but the way she did just blow me off. I dont really know what she really wants but most of the time she just complain too much
@yhyp0205 (12)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 10
If the approach uses the physical and emotional way is not possible, use a spiritual approach. For more details I recommend you read books like "Power in Praise written by Merlin R Carother" or "The Purpose Driven Life written by Rick Warren". These books will answer your question, I also experienced the problems of life and through these books answered many of my problems. I pray that you can practice and get the best result. After you read I hope you also can give the books to your mother.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Thanks for the comments and I will check the book out for sure. thanks again
1 person likes this
@SharonJohnson (459)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I do hope she gets a handle on her anger. It's not good to show the kids that at all. I can't figure out why she is this way. I only read this one post. I do hope you get some better responses from her real soon.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
28 Dec 09
HI,
It is hard for me to say anything to her but I will try. thank you for responding to my discussion
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163773)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jan 10
hi smileonstar I am just guessing but from the way she is acting I would bet a nickle that she is starting menopause and her hormones are jumping all over the place. I was like that at times when I was menopausal and it was hard on my family as I was grumpy and out of sorts, and I honestly did not understand myself why I was acting like that.so went to the doctor who clued me in and put me on medication to calm my nerves and slow down the horrid hot flashes. He joked saying you are probably acting like your son did when he was in his teens. it was funny after the fact but not to me nor my family who thought I no longer loved them. Ask her if she has had a checkup lately and tellher you love here and want to know if shes not well. it could be just hormones gone awry. and can be helped. If nothing else go talk to her doctor and tellhim or her what you just told us, there may be a medical reason for her behavior. find out.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
13 Jan 10
HI, I know what you mean... but she will think I am crazy or something if I ask her to go to see doctor. lolz.
this is good for now, cuz she went back home.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Jan 10
my mom was the very same way. my grandma told me once it was because she was jealous of me and had always been the one got all the attention before i was born from the family. i dont know. i tried my whole life to please her and never did. now shes passed away and i just have to except it. she was the only one in her family just to have one child (me) and her sisters always said they dont know why she couldnt be a mother and love me. i think some are just not meant to be a mother. its made me closer to my kids i think because i never want them to think i dont love them..EVER! its a bad feeling but you will eventually except it.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
8 Jan 10
HI, im sorry for your lost. see at last you what I really mean here... sometimes I just want to run away but sometimes I want to be close to her. there is nothing more than family so I have to deal and comfort her as always. thx for responding
@eileenleyva (27560)
• Philippines
28 Dec 09
You have a very unusual problem there because grandmothers tend to enjoy the company of their grandchildren. Your mother might be undergoing some kind of body changes, like hot flashes. Or she might be having depression realizing how you could adapt to family life without her help. Try to talk to her again and don't give up. She needs you.
@ramos7881 (344)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I have to agree with eileenleyva. There may be some underlying process going on with your mom that doesn't have anything to do with you or your daughter, it just affects the way she responds to these kinds of situations.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
28 Dec 09
HI,
I am trying my best to say or talk to her but sometimes is no luck at all. She just ignoring me. she could stop talking to me for a day or two. I dont know about that... when I asked, she said she is not feeling happy to talk to me and that's it
@kprofgames (3089)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Well, if she says she's not happy to talk to you about it, then all you can do is tell her "well then we can't fix it can we". That puts the ball back in her court and is telling her that she is the one that chooses to be mad.
@sarinahahmad (119)
• Singapore
6 Jan 10
Maybe she feel insecure or missing out on something. Try to talk to her and try to understand her. I don't think your mother dislike you or your daughter. Just show her that you care and will be there for her.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
8 Jan 10
HI, I always be there for her. Of course, sometimes she show all the love to everyone but then sometimes she just something else that I can't imagine. but any way, I dont have to deal with this everyday. And it is a good thing
@kprofgames (3089)
• United States
4 Jan 10
I don't know if this is it or now, but it sounds like she is jealous of you and your new life. Maybe she needs to be the icon of the family and now that you have a family of your own she doesn't think she is getting all the attention.
It can be a hard call there. I don't think anyone 'owes' their parent anything just because they were born. Seriously? I'm sorry to say but I think your mom needs to grow up. It sounds like you've done everything you can to keep the peace, but she is unpredictable when she's going to get mad or not.
In all honesty, talk to her about it. She can do one of two things. She's either going to tell you what she is thinking or she'll get mad and shut off again. You can't constantly try to please a person what wants to be misserable. She is choosing to be angry because she isn't talking to anyone about what she's getting so mad about.
I think you are a good daughter, you are trying. But you know the old saying too..you can lead a mule to water, but you can't make it drink. All you can do is tell her that it bothers you when she gets this way, then ask her what happened so you to can work it out so it doesn't keep happening.
That's what I would do. You can't feel bad just because her choice is to be mad. She decided to be mad, you didn't do anything purposely to make her that way.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
5 Jan 10
Hello,
I have been waiting for the answer like weeks... and finally I got some friends got their attention on me and I am so happy about that. You are right, my mom always want my attention, very close and I mean VERY CLOSE.
well, I am the only daughter in the family and she was the one decided to send me over sea(America) alone... I fought, my brothers fought not to send me here but she just refused. When I came, she felt of loosing me and everytime she gets mad then she just ignoring me and doesn't talk to me. Not even that, she would make her face just like want to eat me alive... look like a lot of hate inside her. As I remember, when I was here and in college... she mad at me of some reason and then I had my diary and I wrote what happened to me on daily basic. guess what? she found my Diary and asked me to burn it out cuz I was writing about her in there... I cried and bang her to forgive me on this one(actually, I didn't write anything bad about her but she just didn't like I talk about her in my diary) and I had no choice of burning my diary... Not even that,she told my brothers how I treated her... such and such.
well, I dont know why she has to jealous about me? I am her daughter, right? why does she think that way. Whenever I try to sit down and talk to her then she starts to say... "you are my daughter and you have no right to talk to me this way, I feel not happy to talk to you right now and I dont have to be happy for someone either."
I forgot, when she mad at Las Vegas and my 5 year old daughter asked her "why she didn't talk to her?" she said, "because you said you dont like me and I will not talk to you again." when I heard that, I felt like this is so funny.
I always love and respect them as always... always talk and always call her but sometimes she just try to kick me out or something. If she promises with me something then I don't expect that to happen cuz she would change her mind in just second.
She is going back to home now and I miss her so much but whenever I remember that day... it is just something that I can't understand why. Thank you for your words and you got 50% right about her and my dad always told me to ignore... I am trying my best to do that now... but I dont know how long I can handle this. Thanks again and happy new year to you
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