my husband disrespected me ... am i wrong here??
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
United States
December 28, 2009 9:49pm CST
OK so i caved and agreed with my husband to take the out of state drive to his parents house for Christmas weekend. I caved and agreed that not getting a hotel this time to save money would be good and that we could stay at his parents place for the weekend. after all we see them once maybe twice a year and us staying at there place would give them more time with the grandkids.. i caved when i said fine the kids can stay up until midnight to play with grammie and grampie instead of there normal 830 bedtime.. so what was i to do when his mother mentioned to me that my husbands ex really wants to see him and his kids while they are up.. His mother usually praises me and says how good i am for her son and that the only flaw was that he moved out to state to be with me and that she wished that i would move up there... NOW she spent all christmas day talking about "bobbie" his ex... she did nothing but praise her, say how they have become best friends over the last few months and that she is like a daughter to her. Ok no big, but then she looked at my husband and said " i promised bobbie that i would take you and the little ones over to her house so she could see you, shes been looking for you on myspace and cant find you, she wanted to call you, shes been excited to hear you will be here for christmas and made me promise to take you over there... Okay first NO WHERE in her words did she say "meet your family or your wife " it was always " you and your kids". So then my husband says to me " do you mind if we stop in and say hi?" i said " how would you feel if it were the same situation but with jeff ( my ex)?" he said " thats different jeff was a d**khead".... so i ignored the question and went about taking care of the kids and what not.. well at 730pm, 815pm and 845pm saturday night bobbie called wondering when my mother in law was taking them over... its now 915pm im getting the kids ready for bed, she calls again my husband says tell her well be right over.. i looked at him and said the kdis need to go to bed our son has an ear ache and they were up late last night.. so mymother in law starts in on my husband i promised her she will be so mad at me you have to do it just to say hi and so she can meet the lil ones i talk about them all the time she considers them family.. so he told his mother yes! so i say fine WE will go over then there was no way i was letting him wander over there with my kids by himself.. Ok so we get there, his mother introduces the kids after bobbies mother introduces her self to me then my mother in law introduced me fully.. the kids ran off down to the kids bedroom and were in there glory playing with the other little kids that were there, while i spent a half hour talking with bobbies mother, then she went to bed and i was ready to go.. my husband and his father sat in a circle with bobbie talking an chatting about the "good ol days" my mother in law fell asleep at the table and i sat by meyself on the oppisite side of the kitchen.. he did not pay any attention to me, finally after about 2 hours i got up and got the kids dressed win there coats and took off back to the inlaws.. after about 5 mintues he came out behind me, he asked why i was upset and i just bit my tounge... later on n bed he turns to me and says i knew something bad was going to come out of this.. rolled over and fell asleep!! we have beent ogether 10 years!! i am his wife!!! he didnt speak to me the whole time we were there, she was excited to see him and i think he was just as excited, not once did he even acknowledege me while we were there an now hes upset with me for being angry with him! I feel so disrespected! hes saying i am blowing it way out of the water... what do you think?? am i wrong here?
2 people like this
11 responses
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
29 Dec 09
Hello there,
I really don't know how to react on this matter,it's hard to conclude unless experienced the real situation.
But one thing i can say is...you are too good to be true.
I know you just did the right civil way of respecting your in-laws,your husband and his ex.
But,they doesn't care at all about you...they have no right(esp your husband)to ask you questions for whatever things you've done.
Ok,your mother in-law treated his ex as her daughter...and how about you?
I don't think it's bad to see and talk with your husband's ex,but,ignoring you in front of his ex is another story.
The mere fact that you agree to met his ex,shows your sportsmanship,he(your husband)should have treated you especial in front of her(the ex)...and show them how much he loves you.
I think i can throw him out of the house for questioning me...the guts!!!
Cheer up girl...you are good as an angel for all the patience you've shown.
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Thank you so much for your response.. i was just headin off to bed and still feeling down, but then i logged on to mylot for a quick review of responses an i found your reply. THANK YOU for cheering me up..
as far as throwing him outta the house nah my 8 year old would never let me hear the end of it, but he has been on the couch the last two nights LOL.. well that is until i head to bed and fall asleep then he sneaks back in.. oh well cant win em all can we?
2 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
29 Dec 09
yup,we can never please everybody.
we can always give our 101% and still it's not enough...that is why they eat you up as whole(ugh!!!,i was once like you my dear...always saying bow to my husband)
But,circumstances teach me where to place myself in every situation,and teach how to play my cards.
Sleep well...Have a sweet dreams too
2 people like this
@mariaf324 (96)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Girl, you are good because I cannot keep my mouth shut.. I would have told the inlaw and my husband a piece of my mind... And probably the ex for harrasing... But, I would have also thrown myself on him flirtatiously and show her that he's with me now... But definitely, I would have approached the matter then and there!!!
3 people like this
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
29 Dec 09
i like how you think.. lol but i didnt think that after ten years and 3 children i would have to "prove" or "show" anyone that he was mine.. i didnt expect him to just disregard me like that all together.. i am so hurt and confused at the moment.. im putting 110% into a relationship with the man i love, but really honestly what is he putting into it??
thank you so much for your response. take care and god bless!
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Dec 09
she is too good, I think I would justblow him up a bit a nd let him know just how very much this thing hurt you and you are not
playing second fiddle anymore to his ex and his mom in law. tough if he does not like it,you did stand up for yourself.
ten years you have been sweet and patient now is the time
to rebel a bit.
2 people like this
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
3 Jan 10
Thank you so much! yes that is my New years reslotion this year.. NO more door mat for people especially my husband to take adantage of. i let my sisters do it my relatives and my husband.. from now on he is going to have to deal with my needs and wants and what i feel comfortable with and what i dont!! thanks so much for your repsponse
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
29 Dec 09
I don't think you are wrong. i would be flipping the heck out. I would flip on him then I would flip on him about his mother. I probably would confront my mother in law as much as i hate confrontation. It wasn't right that she made such a fuss over the ex. It also wasn't right that your husband ignored you either. It kind of seems like he may still have a thing for her. I would have a hard time forgiving my husband if he did that to me.
2 people like this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
29 Dec 09
it is human nature to think of something and praise which is not to their reach.They tend to ignore what they have in their hands.I can understand your feelings about your husbands reaction,then.But you can also understand his emotions.he was overwhelmed to see her and a get together after a long period will make anybody forget the bad things happened in the past.So,he was living his past then and you had no room there.Even if it is bitter,we have to accept it.Everybody has his/her own personal life and we should learn to accept it.I hope you will understand this.I will blame your mother in law,who all started this.
1 person likes this
@thebohemianheart (8827)
• United States
29 Dec 09
I agree we all have our past lives that did not include our spouses but, are you telling me that the husband was not at fault in ignoring his wife while he sat around chatting with an ex girlfriend? I have always introduced and included my husband in things like this. He has done the same. She may not have been a part of her husband's and his ex's life but, she is a part of it now and he should have made that clear to his ex from the beginning. But, the first thing he should have done, though, was to discuss it with his wife first and, include her in the whole thing!
4 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Dec 09
srganesh Ithink you are so wrong,if his ex had been all that great in the first place, why the heck is she an ex now then?
and leaving his wife out is a stupid mean trick. so she was not'part of their lives and whats that got to do with anything?
He left her, he married his current wife, is he supposed to be able to keep both of them like a harem? no, not at all. wrong. I blame the hubby,he could have said no to the mother in law.
2 people like this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
30 Dec 09
This is for both the comments.I never wanted to back up that husband.But he had forgotten all the bad things about his ex and so he was excited to forget to include the wife in the chat.The mother in law is to be blamed as she developed a good picture about the ex and lead him there.I can understand how the wife felt when she was left out.The husband really lacks maturity.
@Ambitiouslyleiah (591)
• United States
29 Dec 09
wow! I dont think your wrong, but i dont think you have much to worry about. I think he was probably pressured into it And felt like he had to go. You probably know moms can do that to you. Like you said you have been married ten years and he is yours, but not making me a part of all of it would have really bothered me too, and i would let that be known. Just talk to him about it, And the key word here is talk! I think he probably does feel like your angry over nothing and you feel like you have plenty to be angry about and all you can do is talk about it and understand each other and how you both feel about the situation.
3 people like this
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
29 Dec 09
you just did the right thing, yes, sort of disrespect both your in-laws and your husband, and to think their son is already married,they shouldn't do that. In most cases,disrespect is a simply sophisticated way of getting what one spouse wants from the other. But even when there are the purest motives, it's still in a stupid and abusive strategy. It's stupid because it doesn't work, and it's abusive because it causes unhappiness. I wish you GOod luck and happy new year to you and to your family.
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Noway, girlie. I'd be incensed to high heaven & he should be kissing your behind for at least a month for being such an insensitive pig. What would have been wrong with telling his mother that she should not make promises on his behalf? If I were you I'd be giving him the cold shoulder for quite some time. Stop caving. Your kids will live by your and your husband's example. Don't teach your kids to cave. What he did to you was humiliating and disrespectful. Don't take that crap.
1 person likes this
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
3 Jan 10
thank you for your resposnse, that is my new years resolution this year.. to not be a door mat and stop letting myself be taken advantage of and to NOT put up with my mother in laws crap!! thank you! No i dont want my children to grow up and be like me in that sense i want them to be able to speak there minds and say what they feel so i am def going to start showing them how and when yo do that!
@VotreAmie (3028)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Is your mother in-law trying to do something here? Like making her son go back with his ex? Or is she just trying to hurt your feelings? I think this is all awkward, your mother in-law shouldn't have done what she did, but well she is your mother in-law and you can ignore it. But what your husband did was wrong, you are right. But what I think you should do is instead of biting your tongue, you should speak up and say how you feel. He has to know that during all that time he didn't talk to you and that was disrespect hen see what he answers.
You are not wrong at all, and you did great, and if it was me I don't know if I could agree at all about going there with the kids. That's just my two cents, and I hope all goes well with your husband. Take care.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Dec 09
I know exactly how you feel and Ithink its really damned mean of your husband to do that to you. If in ten years he has not learned that you divorce you leave the ex behind,you do not try to have a harem. if he wanted that he needed to become a mormon.
I would have been furious too. does he not understand where you
are coming from? they all sat there and left you out while they reminseced about the old time. hell if they were that good why on earth did they divorce? so now he wants to eat his cake and have it too? speak up and tell him bluntly what you have told us. No
you need to talk to him and not softly,I would be so angry if it
had been me. You were disrespected significantly.so tell him that.
1 person likes this
@koalatbs (2229)
• United States
29 Dec 09
I feel so bad for you that you are having to go through this whole thing. Your husband never ever should have put you into this situation in the first place. Then, not to pay any attention to you the whole 2 hours you guys were there! Yikes! I hope things work out for you both. I think after you calm down a bit you should definitely sit down with him alone and let him know how the whole thing made you feel. It was wrong. Try not to be too critical of his actions though because this might make him clam up and shut out everything you're trying to say. When I talk to my husband about things that upset me, I TRYYYY to phrase my words by telling him what made me upset and how it made me feel. It seems to help a little. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
29 Dec 09
I don't think you are, I would be mad too. I think it would be kinda weird to be taking my kids over to see my ex, let alone the whole family go and act like one big happy family with the EX. I would be very uncomfortable. I guess I'm lucky because my husband don't ever talk about his ex, she never calls, we don't hear anything about her, and he wouldn't ever want to go see her. Yes, I think your husband disrespected you and didn't care anything about your feelings, I don't understand why he thinks it was alright to do that.
