Do married couples need to separate ways because they are broke?

Hi Ravenblade. I think so, too. Money should never be the cause of any separation. There are always ways to solve the problem. I know there are people who are reluctant in seeking help from others. But I am sure their own families could not afford to ignore what the couple are going through, especially with the 5 children. I am entertaining thoughts here that there might be another great reason than money involved in this issue.

Hi Taogang, There is love still, I guess but they seem to be losing the spark because of the financial difficulty they are in. I have initially talked to the wife and told her to hold on as they explore other means to solve the problem. I know things will be worked out. I know both of their families will be there to help them. I surmise there is a greater problem than money involved if this separation is being considered. I will meet the wife on weekend and hope to know more about it.

Well, I hope it all works out for them. Separation and divorce is right up there in the top 10 stress factors. I really don't see this doing them much good unless their goal is to save and work on getting back together. Could that be the plan?

Hi Sid, I also agree with you. Matters will only worsen with the contemplated separation. The children will be the ones who suffer most. Initially, the wife told me that she plans to go home to her parents and the husband to his own parents. I do not know about the children. Whatever it is, I surely hope to be of help to both of them and their family. I am meeting the wife with a common friend during the weekend.

Initially, that is what the wife told me. In the meantime that they are working things out and are both looking for work, they need to seek shelter and support from their individual families (parents, brothers/sisters). Then, when things are okay, they will get back together. I hope that really works and they won't drift apart in time. Happy New Year to you and your family!

I really appreciate your caring nature. Try your best and God will do the rest. There is an old saying that one can take a horse to a pond but can't make it drink. You can only try and pray. I am also worried about the well-being of the children more. You may be right there has to be some other reason for this. Let us all pray for the entire family.

Hi Meapas, I always admire your comments --- so well-written and wise ones. Thanks, as always. I personally don't think it will solve their problem. My main worry is about the children. The wife says that she will live with her own parents in the meantime and maybe, come back to each other when things "normalize". I don't think it is as easy as that. I now think that there are other reasons greater than money for them to think of separation. I am taking your advice to this weekend that I will see the wife. There is another common friend who is meeting us, too. We are all helping to "cure" the situation.

I agree with your statement, MMT. They have children to look after and they were supposed to think about that first instead of becoming lazy to work etc. If you don't mind me asking, who's taking care of the children now?

Hi Corrycrystal, The couple get support from their own families and relatives. They plan to seek shelter and live with their individual parents while they are both looking for work. I guess both families of the couple have arrangements for the children until they get back together when things "normalize". Happy New Year to you and your family!

Hi Corrycrystal, I was saying in past responses that I am now doubting about other underlying reasons of the imminent breakup. A strong marriage based on love, trust, concern, devotion and care for each other is never easy to break. It is expected for these couples to support each other especially in this hard time of their life. The children are their responsibility and they should not turn their backs on them. More efforts should be exerted to find work and earn money to feed themselves. The main responsibility rests on their shoulders although they would sometimes need the support of their respective families and their friends.

Hi Dorannmwin, Yes, a strong relationship based in understanding and cooperation and, more importantly, on love will withstand all types of "weather". They should discuss it between themselves and find ways to solve the problem, if only for the children. I think they need support not only from relatives but also from friends. I have met the wife yesterday and she tells me that the husband seems to get depressed having no work for almost a year. And, she added that he has grown lazy to look for work. That is why she has suggested that she leaves him to fend for himself while she goes to her parents and seek their help. It seems that the husband's pride was touched and the wife told me that the husband took the responsibility again and is now starting to look for work. I am also helping in asking some friends recommend him for work.

Hi Nan110, Separation is not the usual, that is what I think of their situation. With the 5 children that they have, they should be mainly the persons responsible for them, not anybody else. I guess they just need to exert more efforts to look for jobs and ways to solve the problem. They are looking into going back to their own families and seek support from them. That is not bad but they should think that it would be a burden to their individual families, too. The couple should really need to find ways to earn a living for their own family. It seems that there is a far greater reason for them to think of separation rather than money. I am most concerned of their 5 children.

Hi Smileonstar, Nobody would want to see couples break up. This is especially so with them having a big responsibility with their 5 children. There must be some other reasons aside from money for them to think of separation. I think there is a very cogent need for both partners to talk and discuss how to help themselves. If the relationship is anchored on love and concern for each other, this thought could not have been entertained. There is something deeper than money, I am sure. I will meet the wife this weekend and will listen and hope to be able to help.

Hi Ladym33, A good base of love, concern for one another and devotion can really make a relationship stronger. Things start to grow sour if they allow themselves to be "sipped" by problems instead of holding on to one another. Who doesn't have problems in certain times of our life? Sometimes it is easy for people outside the problem to say things for them to do. I know it is really hard if we are in that situation. I just hope and pray that the couple give this matter a very extensive thought and communication with each other. Separation does not solve this problem. It seems to me that there is another problem aside from money. I will listen to the wife this weekend when we see each other and I can only try to help with some of our common friends.

Hi Bellis, I know things should be worked out and solved and separation should be something the couple should not do. A lot of people has the same problem, yet most of them stay together. Most of them stay together and join hands in uplifting the situation. Enterprising single mothers surely can do that --- I believe some may have those reasons. I don't know though if the check they collect is worth the work and time of a mother to care for several children? A complete family is surely one better family. I would rather have enough money and pour out my love, care and devotion to a few children than collect bigger checks and not devote time and effort equally to several children. It is not easy to raise a child --- what with several children. I don't agree with the couples decision to separate because they are financially hard up. They can always find ways to earn a living.

Hi Good2go2001, I agree with you. There has to be other underlying reasons aside from money problems. To think of separation is never easy for all parties concerned. It would seem that this is their last resort to solve the problem. Us, looking at them, would easily say that it is something that can be solved TOGETHER and not individually, what with the 5 children. There must be more pressing problems aside from money in this their situation.

Hi Craicha, Fighting among couples is not uncommon. Most couples fight over some things they can't agree or because of serious or petty problems. Of course, when things get worse, they end up in their split up. Separation because of financial problems is surely one of the unlikeliest reasons. In this their situation, I can see that there are some serious underlying reasons aside from money. What couples need to do about money problems is to find ways to earn money in order to uplift the family situation. Things should be worked out instead of separating.

Hi Triplejazzm, You are right. A marriage that is strong withstands all storms of life. Couples need to talk and discuss ways to help themselves out of the situation. They should support each other and exert more efforts in looking for work or money. They should bear in mind that all marriages experience hardships and a lot of couples went through them. With love, devotion, trust and support with each other, I don't think they cannot work out a solution to this. Most importantly, they should not lose faith in God and to always pray and seek His guidance and blessings, with themselves working to attain what they want.

Hi Joseline, You may call me MMT, for brevity. If the relationship is strong and one based on love and understanding, I don't think that they would ever think to separate. With their 5 children, they have a big responsibility on their shoulders already. They should get support and energy from each other, discuss the matter seriously and think of ways on how to uplift their situation. They can always seek support from their respective families. There are other relatives and friends, too. There seems to be other underlying reasons behind it. I hope to be of help to them --- will get to see that when I meet the wife during the weekend.

Hi Gabs, Most good marriages are really affected by money problems. You are right. The couple should agree on what to cut back and how much to save. They should set aside money for the future, especially with the 5 children that they have. They should set priorities and the luxuries should be on the back seat, if only for the family's comfort and the children's welfare. Good communication is necessary in any relationship.

Hi Thebohemianheart, Such nice insights, there. Thanks. I am thinking so, too. I now also think there are other greater underlying reasons for the separation. I will get to hear more from the wife whom I am seeing this weekend. Initially, the wife told me that they agreed to accept the support that they have sought from their own families. Their own families are very willing to do that. And, she says, when things "normalize", they will again get on together. I personally think that it is just inappropriate and weird to do that. I think they need to exert more effort in finding jobs for each of them as in the present situation, I think it is just not enough. Well, if their jobs bring them outside the country, I think it is just right to leave the children in the hands of their very close relatives ... their parents or sisters/brothers. But, I am still worried about the children. I will get more details when I see the wife this weekend. I will try to help in any way I can.

Hi Becdmd, As parents, they should be responsible for their 5 children. You are right. The moment they exchanged their marital vows, they impliedly took on the responsibility for themselves and for their family and that of course, includes the future children that they will have. Splitting up will not only break each other's hearts but the hearts of their children as well. Their separation will surely affect the children's emotions. There should be ways to solve this problem as any other problem in life that one has.

Hi Nonersays, I am now thinking into that area. I think there are other underlying reasons for the separation. Or there might have been problems which caused the present financial difficulty they are in now. The couple should try to discuss and solve the situation. The support and help from their own families are always there, I am sure. But, more efforts should be exerted on their part to help themselves out of this predicament ... if only for their 5 children. They should be brave to face any responsibility that they have both taken on their shoulders at the time they exchanged their marriage vows.

Hi Ebuscat, They are both presently out of work now. I guess the effort to look for jobs is not enough. They should exert more efforts to find ways of living. Their 5 children should be more than enough reason why they need to find work in order to feed them. I am sure there are a lot of ways to solve a problem. We all have problems and it has become a part of our life. Sometimes, we are given problems as a test to our tenacity and trust in God. They should realize that God allows problems to come our way because He knows that we can handle them. I guess there is another reason for the thought of separation aside from money. I hope I can be of help to the family. I am seeing the wife on weekend.

Hi Chriszh, You are correct. With deep love and concern for each other, this should be a strong basis for keeping each other. They should never think of splitting up if they love each other. If only for money, this should not be the reason for any separation. I now think there is a deeper and greater reason why they have thought of separating. I am just worried about their 5 children. As a friend, I can only be there to try to help and listen. I don't want this thing to happen to anyone.