Right Time to Talk to Ex...

If I talk to any of my exes it would definitly cause problems in my current relationship. My husband would be really mad. I think that staying friends after a break up can be ok depending on how the feelings are. I have absolutely no feelings left for any of my exes and no matter how much I chat with them that would not change. I would chat with them just to catch up and be friendly but I would never flirt with them. I dont want them to get the wrong idea and think that I am still hung up on them because thats not true at all.

I personally like to try to keep a friendship with all my ex's and thinking back on it, i believe there is only 1 ex that i can talk to sensible lol. My most recent ex, f**ked any friendship we could of had. He got really jealous when i started dating my current boyfriend, then one night while i was at my boyfriend's my ex calls me 2:30 in the morning, drunk, looking for a ride home, and when i said no, call a cab, he keeping bugging and calling me back when i would hang up, waking both of us up, since then i want nothing to do with him. He has not caused a fuss with my boyfriend now, we just brush him off and not let him bother our relationship. but since i have been with my bf now, my brother and friends have seen my ex around, and he tries to act like a tough guy, but it's not working for him lol

Hi anotherxidentity! I'd like to answer this point by point, whichever points caught my attention: 1) Right to stay friends with an ex: I think it's not a matter of right or wrong, rather, it's a matter of personal choice. On my part, I would prefer to NOT stay friends with an ex; I prefer to keep temptation as FAAAAAAAAR away from me as possible. Also, for me, even if the breakup wasn't bad, there are still very intimate memories between the two of you, and anyone walking away from that, in my opinion, would still need to process the breakup and heal from the wound: changing the relationship from partners to just friends still creates an emotional rift or tearing apart, so there would still be some healing needed. In my opinion, it helps the healing process to never communicate with the other person either temporarily or indefinitely. For those who feel ready to communicate once more, I guess it would be fine to remain friends, as long as it's perfectly fine with your current partner. 2) Who is it really bothering: If I were the one in the shoes of the dilemma, it would bother both me and my current partner. It would bother me because I know I would be tempted to be more than friends, or be haunted by the memories of the relationship, time and again. It would also bother my current partner, for obvious reasons: there is a HUGE possibility of him being offended by the friendship, and jealousy won't be far behind. 3) If it's fine, what circumstances does it need to be under: If and only if you have TOTALLY ZERO FEELINGS for the ex, and you are 200% sure of that. Also, your partner has to be 200% secure with your relationship, as well as 200% ok with the friendship. Anything less than that..... Maybe it's not such a good idea to be friends. I'm saying "200%" because security is needed in any relationship. If normal challenges already shake the relationship bad enough, matters of the exes really add extra duress and shaking to the relationship, so better be 200% sure that no one will be hurt, confused or tempted. 4) Time rules: Healing isn't clear-cut, say, 2 years and anyone would be fully healed from a breakup, like 1000%. No, for each individual, he or she has his or her time frame to follow. Some get over things in 2 months, others get over it in 5. For good measure, when you can hear of news about the person, and not break into cold sweat, tremble, or feel disoriented, sad, confused, angry; if you can react with a genuinely (not forced) calm, even a hint of happiness or empathy for the person, THEN and only then could you assure yourself that you've already fully healed from your breakup and could start considering being friends again. 5) Argument? Yes. In the early stages of our relationship, because security wasn't clear-cut yet, then. Nowadays, no longer. :) Great discussion, anotherxidentity! :D Happy New Year!

oh so many times its rediculous. partners can be so pety and jealous at times. all my first 4 husbands and boyfriends were like that. no one is confident any more it seems. except me and my late hubby he used to say he didnt mind at all and if i could find someone better then him then have at it also hed say if someones going to cheat or leave you for someone else, nothing you can do about it. and i think he was right. plus i couldnt find anyone else as good as him and sadly, now that hes gone still cant.

In my opinion, it may be right to be friends again with your ex but in a more responsible obligations. No matter if you have existing relationship there will always an attachment of past that may lead to offend someone and argues in case. This happens especially if one of you have been successful in relationship right now. The feeling of regret will be seen and emotion wise is very intense at all. Argues are always present in any relationship especially when your existing partner do feel insecure and doubtful of your friendship with you ex. Unless he or she is secured with your love with trust and communication will never be a war or argument at all but only a discussion for both of you. Besides, you can tell your love one now that what made you a better person now is because someone like your past had part of your life. Be thankful because without that past relationship. There can never be both of you now sharing love together.

I have never understood why current relationships look back on the past ones and get mad etc. Honestly what does it matter? Its obviously in the past, and they have moved on, so why must they dwell on the past? I think that people can be friends with an ex no problem. I mean why do there have to be boundaries. I think that friendship is only achievable when both partners have moved on and are comfortable to be around the other person. But once they have achieved friendship I think that there are no boundaries. A new love is possible, and it is possible they may just stay friends. It is not like exes have to stay in the past, they can be friends or maybe even future lovers...