They are Going to Pull The Plug
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
January 1, 2010 1:01pm CST
A couple days ago I talked about my friend who is in the hospital in a coma after suffering from a massive heart attack followed by a stroke. She is braindead and blind. Well, her husband called me for advice a couple days ago and I told him that he was making the right decision no matter what he did. I didn't feel like it was my place to step in and say something that involved my opinion.
So, Bobby called me today and told me that Reesee made the decision for herself. She is going to let them pull the plugs because she is retaining a lot of fluid around her heart, so he said that he is going to let them do it. This is going to happen in about an hour.
I don't want to have to let my friend go. I really stink when it comes to grieving, but I also know in my heart that she wouldn't want to go on this way.
I do want to thank everyone that took or will take their time to offer their kind words and I especially want to thank those that have taken the time to pray for this wonderful woman.
3 people like this
12 responses
@Loen210 (1540)
• United States
3 Jan 10
Oh, so sorry to hear the news about your friend. I hadn't followed this story, but what a difficult time it must be, especially for the husband and family. I have not dealt with that yet, but I have told my family that if I have been in a coma, I would ask them to please pull the plug. It can be more painful for them to see you day to day in this situation.
Warm thoughts to you and your friend and her loved ones.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
3 Jan 10
I am with you as far as what I would want to do if I was in a coma. I need to see if I can find out how to go about getting a living will done because it is something that you will think about occasionally and then it will go away from your mind and then something like this happens to remind you that you really need to have it done.
@Loen210 (1540)
• United States
4 Jan 10
So so true about hte Living Will. I have been saying that (as well as my final will)important need and necessity to have. I do know what I want to do with my belongings at least generally. But it is not legal or fully written down. I think it has to be brought to the judge or lawyer with someone to sign it in their presence as witness that it is your will.
The only time I had something legally signed was right before one of my surgeries. They had me sign a paper and also write down the name of the person I would choose to be the decision maker if I get into a fatal state during/after operation.
Thanks for teh reminder.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Honestly, you've given me a gentle reminder as well. I don't have a final will and I really do need to have one not because I have anything material, because I have very little. I do, however, have two children that I would like to make the decision as to how they would be raised and not leave them at the fate of the decisions that the state would make.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I am so sorry. I wish I was closer so I can help you in person. I know it is hard, but the one thing you need to always remember is that she is in a much better place and that she is not suffering. Your friend was a wonderful person and you are also a wonderful person because you are a good friend and have a big heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
You too are a very good person with a great heart. It is so very touching to have heard you say that you wish you were closer so that you would be able to help me in person. This is not the first time that I have been through something in my life where the people that I've met online have been able to be such a great help to me.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
4 Jan 10
The memories that I have of the time that I was blessed to be able to spend with Reesee are great memories. Heck, she went on my first date with my husband and I. I honestly don't think I would have ever had the courage to meet my husband if it were not for her. So in that sense, she is definitely with me every day.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
4 Jan 10
thank you. I try to be good to everyone. I know that things are hard, but they will get better. Just remember all the good times you shared with your friend. The memories you have will stay in your heart forever. Best of luck to you.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I'm sorry to hear that but again if she makes it out of the hospital & her quality of life isn't there then what?
You said she made the decision herself? Did she do a living will? Or before she went into the coma did she express her wishes? Sorry if I'm being so nosey. Because the look on my Mom's face when I told her it was time for her to let go has really been haunting me on and off since she's passed. One only hopes the right decision is being made and that they pass in peace.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
She didn't have a living will, the decision was made herself through God's divine intervention. In the two days that the doctor said to wait, she started to retain fluid around her heart (congestive heart failure) and her husband didn't want to have to bear her going through that as well.
It really is times like this that remind us that we really need to have a living will.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
2 Jan 10
I am so very sorry. It is going to be hard for you when the shock wears off and you face the pain. Her husband will need so much support for a long time to come. The best thing you can do is just listen. Listen over and over again until he has comes to terms with it all. Many blessings
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I will be there for Bobby whenever he needs me. The day that he got married to one of my best friends was the day that he became my friend and I will continue to want to be his friend for as long as he'd like to be our friend. I know that he has always thought a lot of my husband and children as well as myself.
@suesan35 (478)
• Sri Lanka
2 Jan 10
hi dorannmwin: Its really sad to lose a friend. I'm sure you too would not want to see her suffer. I ask God to give you and her husband and her family to pull through this difficult time in their life. Have courage my friend. Its indeed good of you to take the time to write about your dear friend. I will certainly pray for you and the friend's family for strength.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I think that taking the time to write about her final struggles has been a sort of therapy for me. I always have been the kind of person that feels better about things when I am able to talk about them and that is just what doing this has done for me. Thank you.
@adelstern (3)
• France
2 Jan 10
It's a hard decision to take, but if there is no other solution is better to let her go and start the grieving proccess.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I understand this, to be left alive on machines is no life at all and really it does draw out the grief of the family for a much longer time. I know that the decision is the right one but still I don't think it is fair that they had to lose their sister, daughter, wife and I had to lose a friend.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
1 Jan 10
I am so sorry that it did not turn out better, but I agree she would not want to live that way. It will be rough for everyone involved, and I am still praying for all involved. My thoughts and prayers are with all involved.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
Your continued prayers for everyone that was involved in Reesee's life are very much appreciated. I know that I am going to miss her for a long time but there is comfort in knowing that she will have no more pain and that she will be able to live on in the hearts of everyone that knew and loved her.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
1 Jan 10
Awwwww, I'm sorry. I'm sure eventually she will come to visit you to let you know she is alright. She's at peace now.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
She is indeed at peace now. There is no more pain and suffering for her and I know that she will live on forever in our hearts.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
2 Jan 10
hi dorannmwin! i read your post regarding your friend but i was so tired that i never manage to respond and forgot about it the next day. anyway, i was about to tell you that no matter what, keep the plug going coz we really cant tell it. miracles can always happen especially with powerful prayers. i was so shocked when i read your post today. it so sad to lose someone who has become part of your life. i'll include her on my prayers.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
The reason that they decided to disconnect her from all of the cords is because in the two days that the doctor recommended to wait she went into congestive heart failure. Yes, I do realize that miracles can happen but from my own experience, I know that she would have never been the same again. It, I think, was better to let her go from the life that she would have had and to remember her as the person that we all knew and loved.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Jan 10
Hello Dorann. God bless you, and all others who've been carrying this. I know God is already holding the hand of your friend.
I was asked a few years ago to make out a "living will" before a surgery, and I did so. If someone ever has to make such a decision regarding me, my daughters each have a copy of my specific wishes, which should help them with such a decision.
I think most of us would not wish to live as your dear friend was after the heart attack and strokes.
Karen
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I've never taken the time to have a living will written. But experienceing the loss of such a dear friend at such a young age, in addition to having experienced the plight of my father fifteen years ago reminds me that this is something that I really need to do. I don't want my husband and my children to ever have to make that kind of a decision for me.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
1 Jan 10
It's hard to lose a friend, but the heart attack and the stroke took her from you, not the act of pulling the plug on the life support system. As you say, she wouldn't have wanted to go on this way, so as a friend, we can't wish that for her. I'll pray for her soul, and her family and friends, that you may all find the strength to deal with her passing.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I believe that her family is going to need a lot of prayers during this time. It was only a couple years ago that they lost their mother and I find some degree of comfort that she will be with her mother, but I know for her two sisters as well as her father and husband this is going to be a very tough time.
@jewels49 (1776)
• United States
1 Jan 10
I'm sorry dorannmwin. One should not have to start their new year grieving. I think we are supposed to stink at it, most of us do, you aren't alone. Grieving is one of those things we shouldn't be good at, hopefully because it's not something we get alot of practice with.
I believe that God will send someone to meet her, to help her begin the next part of her journey, and I also believe God will send someone to you to help you let her go to that next step.
You will be in my prayers today.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I hope that there is someone to help her into the next reality. I pray that in heaven she will be able to meet my father and tell him about my children that he never had the opportunity to meet.
