I feel guilty...Am I a bad cousin to her?
By pentagan12
@pentagan12 (757)
Philippines
January 4, 2010 10:23am CST
Its been quite long time since the last time I posted my own discussion here in mylot. When I was still very new here, I used to post a lot of discussions a day but then I found it a little difficult for I needed to think of what interesting topic I would like to share. But now, I have something to share about what happened today. It was about 4pm in the Philippines when my cousin sent a text message to me asking me to see her. I was of two minds that time because I just woke up from an afternoon nap. She really wanted me to come to her because she needed someone to talk to. She had some problems with her boyfriend. So, I immediately went to the bathroom and took a bath. I quickly went out of the house to go to where she was waiting for me. We met at the mall and I found her having an argument with her boyfriend in front of many people. When I approached her, she asked me to take her somewhere far from her guy. We left her boyfriend somewhere in the mall. She was really badly hurt since her boyfriend did something very bad and painful to her. She realized that the guy was seeing another girl. She was hurt and I saw it from her face. She wanted to cry but she couldn't maybe because she wanted to show that she's strong. But I know and i can feel it that deep inside her, her heart was already about to explode. We talked until it was almost 7 in the evening and I needed to go back home since I had to work but she kept on asking me to stay. I wanted to stay but I also needed to do my job. I was confused awhile ago about what to do but I really made up my mind. I asked for an apology for I couldn't stay with her for so long because I still have some other responsibilities rather than being a cousin and a friend to her. I saw her very sad face when I was about to go home and it really hurt my feelings too but I didn't have any other choice. I now feel guilty about it. Am I that bad? Am I not a good cousin and a friend to her? Please tell me. I need some enlightenment. Thanks
1 person likes this
12 responses
@JAYMAR777 (840)
• Philippines
4 Jan 10
I know how you feel. but there is a difference between guilt feeling and feeling of condemnation.What you are feeling now is not guilt but condemnation. and condemnation is not good.
Don't play God. sometimes you need to leave her for her to live and learn. what you have done is what should be done. Pray for her, be with her at times but not all the time, just trust that God will answer your prayers.
Happy new year pent
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
Thanks for that response. I feel a little better now. I know that I should also give her time to be with herself but I couldn't help but feel bad. Long time ago, when I was in the same situation with her now, I also called her and she stayed by my side until I got better. That I guess is the reason why I feel so guilty. If she did it for me before, why can't I do it for her now?
@lynkshadow (299)
• Canada
6 Jan 10
Your a good cousin because you were there for her. Unfortunatly she needs more than that right now but not something that you can provide. She sould understand that you can't risk your job to stay. Then you would be crying alot. lol. It's a breakup so it's going to hurt for her for awhile but when that is over I am sure she will remember that you were there for her when it happend so please try not to feel guilty. Cheers.
@powerbrokenape (399)
• United States
5 Jan 10
You sound like a really good cousin to me. I'm sure that what you did that day was very helpful and kind to her. Choosing to spend that much time helping her shows that you're a great cousin. You obviously couldn't stay with her longer, because you have other obligations that you need to attend to. Missing a day of work isn't very good for your work history if it's done to often, and I'm sure you know that. On top of that, if your job knew the real reason why you would have missed work, it wouldn't have been an acceptable excuse; so you did what you needed to do.
Everything that you posted here shows that you are obviously a great cousin and you shouldn't worry about leaving her to go to work. I think you just started to feel bad about it because you saw how bad she felt, but that doesn't make you bad at all. You really helped her and you needed to leave eventually to do things that are basically required by you. Don't feel bad about it. I know that you still want to give her sympathy because what happened to her is terrible, but you couldn't do anything about it. You needed to leave.
I hope she gets over it soon, because I know how devastating that must be for her. I imagine if my girlfriend cheated on me it would be the worst day of my entire life, but people do get over things eventually. This is something I'm sure she can get past. It will just be hard for her to for awhile. My best wishes to your cousin finding someone who is 1,000,000 times better than her cheating ex who DOES NOT deserve her at all and being euphoric with the person who will treat her right and never even think about spitting on their relationship by cheating.
@vivianchen (2646)
• China
5 Jan 10
Hi Pentagan,
Don't worry, you are a good cousin, you've done what you can. After all, she is the only one can save herself. If she want to be happy, she has to be happy from her deep inside, not someone there to comfort her. You've done whatever you can, i think she will appreciate what you done for her when she gets better.
And i think she needs some alone space to think about what she really wants!Call her after you get back from work, let her know that you still care of her as a cousin.
@bingchen (1119)
• China
5 Jan 10
i think that your cousin can understand what you do,certainly your cousin need your accompany and comfort,but sometimes you have no choice to do banlance between work and affection.at the same time i think that your cousin is resonable people,you can understand you.when you finish your work,you can visit her quickly and comfort and help her,i believe that she can be happy to see your coming.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Jan 10
hi pentagan12 you are a good cousin to her and a good friend
too. of course you had to go back to your job. In this horrid'
economy people must take care of their jobs because if you
lose your job you may face months of unemployment. surely'
your cousin know that and forgives you for going to work. surely
she is not that selfish to want you to jeopardize your job
for her. she must take a tad of responsibility for her own
problems.
@angelsmummy (1696)
•
4 Jan 10
The simple fact that you went to meet her shows that you are a good cousin and a good friend to her. You need to work to keep a roof over you head! Work is very important especially in this climate. Could you not meet with her after work?
It may take her a while to realise that you needed to go to work and it wasnt just you being ignorant or whatever but make sure you tell her that and make sure she knows that you are there whenever she needs you but you have to work too!
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
5 Jan 10
Hi, Pentagan! Please don't feel bad about yourself. What you did in the first place was already proven that you were there for her. I am sorry to hear about her situation as she really needed for someone to be there with her, but I am sure she will understand and wouldn't put you in a situation to choose between her and your job, that would be too much as you have your own responsibility and you can still be there for her when you are not at work. I hope she is doing a bit okay now.
@indocorner (546)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 10
No, u r not bad. On the contrary, u r very very kind. u r a good cousin n friend. When ur cousin needs u, u r ready to help her although when u've already woken up. ur made the right decision that u preferred ur job. After finishing ur job u can meet her again. U have responsibility on ur job, otherwise u have no responsibility to accompany her all the time. It's about ur priority. which one is more prior to do. making the priority list is good to help u organize lots of ur activity well. therefore u do the best decision.
@Angle2010 (30)
• China
5 Jan 10
For life, we have many responsibility, sometimes we help others, sometimes we need help. What we can decide for the present one is upon to the importance for us. For my idea, I think you should accompany her for a little more time if you can ask for one day or a half day for leave as she really need your help at that time. But you are right if you can not ask for leave or you need to deal with a very important thing for your company.
You are rally a good cousin as you still think of this matter.
Nice day!
@xXnnyXjackXx (1)
• United States
5 Jan 10
You didn't do anything wrong, nor should you feel guilty. You stayed as long as you could and helped the best you could. You cannot help the fact that you had a job and needed to get to it, im sure she understood. You were a fine cousin.
