What do I do about my new daughter in law?

WEll there are a couple things I would like to say about this. One if the wedding was small she may have elected to thank the guests verbally. If the guest list was very large she may be overwhelmed by the all of the notes she would have to write, address, and send out. Perhaps she sent e-mails. Did you offer to help her or did you just berate, critcize and nag? IF all you did was talk trash about what she did wrong she is probably feeling like not only is she overwhelmed but her mother-in law doesn't like her and there is nothing she can do to make you happy. Also: MEN DON'T CARE ABOUT THANK YOU NOTES. YOUR SON HAS NO CLUE ABOUT THEM BECAUSE HE HAS A WEINER. AND HE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A GAY GUY BECAUSE HE MARRIED A WOMAN. GAY GUYS KNOW ABOUT THANK YOU NOTES. AND GAY GUYS THAT MARRY WOMEN SEND THE THANK YOU NOTES THEMSELVES. TO A STRIGHT MAN THE OPEN BAR IS A THANKYOU NOTE. BTW: your daughter in law married your son, not you. You don't have any say over what two adult people do with thier lives. If you keep being a hater you will destroy your sons' marriage, and he will resent you for it too! Are you going to give her a spanking like a kid who stole some candy? Are you going to ground her and make her go to her room until all of the thank you notes are done? Is she actually rude or is she a young bride, in love, much less concerned about thank you notes than building a life and a family with her new husband? HOw would you feel if the tables were turned?

Speaking as a daughter in law I would be absolutely FURIOUS if I found out my mother in law had sent thank you cards on my behalf. Suggesting that she send them is one thing but to actually go ahead and send them for her was really not something I personally would have appreciated. In my opinion that really crosses a boundary. Something like a wedding is stressful, crazy and overwhelming and since it's only been 2 months you should really cut the girl some slack. She may send them yet and now that you've taken in upon yourself to send them to your family it's going to look a little strange if they get two. Some people are not as traditional as others and thank you notes and things like that do not have the same importance to some people as they do to others, especially with younger generations. If she doesn't think they're important then that's fine, that's her perogative, it has nothing to do with you and if you disagree with her then that's just too bad - frankly it's none of your business. You've voiced your opinion, she heard you, now it's time to drop it and back off before you set a precedence and become the stereotypical nagging mother in law in your son's wife's eyes and possibly in his as well.

Yes, this is very rude. Your daughter in law would seem to be a selfish and self centred person. I had much the same in my ex husbands family. His nephew got engaged. We were all invited to an engagement party that was going to supply nibbles only at tea time. We were expected to supply a present. Months later, we got a brief thank you card, making no reference to the item we gave them. Im sure they had no idea what it was! I would bring it up again with your daughter in law, given the right situation.

Hi ctrymuziklvr, I think if I were you, I would just let it go. I am guessing that your son and new daughter in law are very young? Instead, in the future, whenever she buys you a gift be sure to send her a thankyou note. You've really said all that you can regarding the matter. Both she and your son should sit down together and write them out but you can't force them to. If they appear rude then that is their cross to bear. Truthfully, I don't get thankyou's for all the shower gifts that I give to people and especially younger people. In all honesty, I could care less about it. I give the gift because I want to and I almost always get a verbal thankyou. The written thankyou is a formality and a tradition which, I agree with you has always been "Just the way it is done." It does not seem as if many younger people follow that little rule of etiquette much any more. Any future reminders from you on this will be viewed by them as "nagging" and that could end up damaging your relationship with her more than it really is worth, I think. Ya, so I would just let it go. It ultimately is not your problem and you should not make it yours.

As a Mother in law please take my advice. DO NOTHING. You will have this girl in your life for the rest of your life if they stay married. Its not smart to interfere in your sons life now that he is married and why make a fuss about something that's not only not your business but not that important? If some one ask you why they have not received a thank you note tell them you have no idea why. Please believe me when I say do your self a big favor and mind your own business. If you show her that you are going to question her about every thing then she will have as little to do with you as possible and will make sure your sons doesn't either. When they have children you will want to be in their lives so don't give her an excuse to keep you out. I can't tell you how many times I have bitten my tongue to keep from saying something. My reward? a great relationship with my daughter in law and all the time I want with my grandchildren.

Hubby and I got married at the end of September and sent thank you notes out promptly afterwards. We had gotten one gift before the wedding, and I think we gave them a thank you note before the wedding, but even so, We did get them out. We have one more thank you note to give on a delayed present, but I think not being prompt is like saying the recepients aren't grateful! I don't know that's just my opinion.

it's honestly an opinion. my sister sends out thank you notes for about everything. me on the other hand i don't. and it shouldn't really bother you because its not your own business. it can be true, you can get so busy that you don't have the time especially if she has a job. then you put it on so far that it becomes senseless to send it out anyway. You already thank them when you receive the gift and that is enough in my own opinion. and when i get the thank you's from other people it's like 'eh okay'. and in todays society it's kind of like a waste of paper as well.

You have already sent the 'Thank you'NOTES.How does it matter who sent it?THey are afterall your own children..Convince yourself that you did it on their behalf without any expectations .So, forget it and leave it[this is my suggestion because if you spell it out the only outcome would be ill feeling].

i find that most new couples these days dont bother to write thank you notes. i went to a wedding in october and still have yet to recieve a thank you note and i work with the girl!

HI, I never get married here but I do understand of some culture that they need to be thanks and all the other note as much as they can. If this really bother you so much then you should sit down and talk to both of them at the same time... show them the gift... and point out the point that you really want them to do. I think you should leave the Thank you card alone for now... if you send out without their knowledge then they didn't know what is right and what is wrong

you got one of daughter in law too, i would send thank you notes to your side of the family. but then the rest all i can say it makes her and your son look bad not you. so i would be like oh well.. i found some time having a daughter in law is hard, and they can bite at times.

I think you should just leave it. Having a new member into the family needs some getting used to both ways ( for you as well as for her ). Bringing up that matter again is not going to help create harmony.

Rather leave it be. I know you did not raise your son that way. If you bring it up in the near future, you may just start something, that should have been left alone. At least you had the decency to send the thank you notes, even if it wasn't your job They will learn eventually. Do not worry about it. When the day comes that they do not have friends anymore, they wil know why. It sounds harsh and rude, but we all learn in life and what better way than threw your mistakes.