Guilty Pleasure, Or Guilt-FREE Pleasure?
@danishcanadian (28953)
Canada
January 6, 2010 7:11pm CST
My husband and I saw something interesting on Dr. Phil today. Seems a husband was upset with his wife's "Starbucks" addiction. She's slip off to Starbucks 2-3 times a day, because she needed her "Mommy treats." Now I'm not a mother, so I don't know what it means to need time away from the kids, but I know what it is to have stress of my own, and to need a break. I am not a Starbucks Addict, but I am a Second Cup addict (Canadian Starbucks-like Cafe with superior coffee). Every afternoon after Hubby and I watch Dr. Phil, and discuss our opinions of the day's topic, I go to Second Cup, order one medium mocha latte ($4.19 CAD) and possibly a cookie (been ordering a lot of Gingerbread cookies during the Christmas season, but the rest of the year I don't order food there that often....so occasionally add another couple of bucks to my order), and I sit with a book or a magazine for 2 hours, and then come back home. A friend of mine drives the busses that go by my place and the cafe 40 minutes after every hour, in the afternoon, so that explains when I go. LOL
Anyway, my "coffee money" is mine. I budget for it, Hubby knows I like it, it's money I own myself, not money I have gotten from him. Likewise his cigarette money is his own, and I did not give him that, so I don't complain about how much he smokes (he's trying to quit). Also, one of us will pop by the liqu0r store now and then (in Canada we have separate stores that sell liqu0r) and buy a bottle of Sljivovica (Croatian plum brandy) which we share. Those are our Guilt-FREE pleasures, because we can afford them, we are in control of how much we spend, and how much we "enjoy" our habits, and we are in total agreement.
Maybe what the Starbucks wife needs to do is put a certain amount of money on a Cafe Card once a month, and stick within that budget. Dr. Phil confirmed that by saying that each partner in a marriage should have a bit of money that is all theirs, and for which they are not accountable, as long as the amount is agreed upon, and affordable, and as long as the guilty-pleasures (I call them guilt-free pleasures) are controlled.
Hubby and I agree.
[b]
What do you think of Dr. Phil's conclusion?Are your pleasures guilty pleasure, or guilt-FREE pleasures?[/b] [b][/b]
2 people like this
16 responses
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
7 Jan 10
My spending is guilt-free pleasure. I have my own budget not related to anyone because I am on my own. If I spend money on anything I would be coffee for espresso that I make at home. The other special spending are treats for my dogs.
I never feel guilty of any spending, because I keep it under control.
I have to agree, in marriage both husband and wife should have small amount of separate money to spend.
@GardenGerty (160665)
• United States
7 Jan 10
I think that kind of balance keeps a marriage happier. I have had money issues all of my life, but they are of my own choosing.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Generally, before the diet, either I or the roomie would make a suggestion and if the other person wasn't in the mood, we didn't do it. Then, before the surgery the roomie would suggest a Sonic limeade (made with diet soda and limes) and more often than not, we'd get one - or I might get a diet Dr. Pepper that is actually cheaper!
Still, we generally would do these things together.
Right now, we are still trying to sort out the new diet for the roommate and we do know that soda's aren't on it any more.
I'm trying to be supportive, and when she suggests something, like tonight it was egg salad, I'm willing to work with it...
2 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
10 Jan 10
guilt free.
i don't have kids,but my family can be just as stressful.
i try to squeeze "me" time in somewhere with tea and a book,or craft projects.
my mom is disabled and most of the day is devoted to her needs.but when she takes a nap,i can occasionally have a moment or two.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Well, I think my pleasures are considered guilt-free pleasures because
is money that has been earned by me. I usually love Starbucks, doing
facials, pedicures and manicures, body wraps, and massages ,and
to me is just fine because is my own way to pamper myself and I don't hurt
anybody or take money from anybody. I have the right to be happy and
enjoy life simple pleasures.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Mine are guilt free.....I only spend money I know I can afford on things I like. I am not a coffee drinker so don't have that kind of pleasure...I buy craft things...for scrapping and stamping and I know when I have spent enough or when I can spend a little extra....so I don't have any guilty pleasures at this time...just the Guilt free ones!
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
7 Jan 10
Hi jillhill: The amount of money I need to buy me a hamburguer it's not so big so i can consider it a guilt-FREE pleasure even if sometimes it's like a pain in... when you notice that you need a little bit more money but you don't have it because you have waste money in your guilt-FREE pleasure. Thanks for your answer jillhill. Hope you are having a nice day. Happy New Year and Keep Mylotting. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
7 Jan 10
It should be guilt-free pleasures
after a long day with the kids it can be overwhelmingly hard to handle.
I long for even 30 minutes of guilt free pleasure to just sit at a coffee shop and drink my cup slowly and do nothing.... ahhhh, oh well got to get back to real life and finish the dishes too.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Jan 10
Guilt free as far as sweets and books and such things. jewelry requires permission though....
@allen0187 (58582)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
hi dc!
good points you raised there. as long as you can set aside a set amount of money and your financial standing doesn't suffer any setbacks whatsoever, i think enjoying guilt-free pleasures is fine and well. after all, what is the use of all the money that we earn from our hard work if we do not reap and enjoy its benefits?
just my two cents.
cheers!!!
@MrKennedy (1978)
•
7 Jan 10
It depends. If I have a decent budget and am not strapped for cash, I would consider my purchases to be guilt-free pleasures. However, if I spent the money knowing that I needed it to save up for something or was short of cash, i would certainly feel guilty for spending it.
@good2go2001 (915)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Yes i think each person should have a certain agreed upon amount that is a guitfree pleasure amount each month. I think where the problems come up in marriages are when its a pleasure that effects the normal finances of running the family. If money is tight and everyone still wants to have the guiltfree pleasures then there is problems. I find guiltfree pleasures that dont cost extra money so its not effecting the family...such as gift of husbands time can be so helpful. For me just to have his watch the kids so i can go walk the walking trail and have a few minutes of mommytime it is better than going and spending money on something.
@artistry (4151)
• United States
7 Jan 10
..Hi danishcanadian, Happy 2010. I think everybody should have something in life that they do which makes them feel good. Hopefully it is not something which causes them harm in any way. If it relieves stress, then all the better. In a marriage, if something that one of the partners is doing, aggravates the other one, then it should be resolved with some flexibility on each side. The children should not be neglected in any way to satisfy a desire. If the husband is angry about the money being spent which he is giving the wife, then maybe she could get some kind of in home job, maybe child sitting, to have her own money. Like you said. If he is upset because she is going there so often, then let's talk about it and resolve it sensibly if possible. I am single, so what I do, guitly or not guilty pleasures, is my own concern, that's why I am single "o). No Dr. Phil moments here. Take care.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
7 Jan 10
Hi danish canadian: I am not sure about my guilty pleasure if it's FREE or not. I love to go at least once a week to eat a Hamburguer on my favorite local fast food restaurant that is called Comicas and that's what I usually do but I need to control myself because there are some other things that I need to spend on so I can not afford me to buy a food that is not really recommended for me just for the pleasure of a night. I think that these vacations I have been responsable and I have known how to invest my money so for now, go to my favorite fast food restaurant after work is my Guilt-FREE pleasure. Thanks for asking me this question danish canadian. Hope you are having a nice day. Happy New Year and Keep Mylotting. Take Care.
-Alvaro.
@loveleah10 (22)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
My stress reliever is shopping or spending for myself, be it for clothes, make up, getting mani and pedi, or to some spa and I need those to keep my sanity. My hubby supports me, he knows how important it is to relax and reward oneself, I have my own work, and he has his own as well, so maybe that only explains why he fully understands my point.
@GardenGerty (160665)
• United States
7 Jan 10
What good is money if you cannot enjoy it. I am so overworked at this time I do not even know what a pleasure is. I love my coffee at home. I am craving a sweet right now as well. I wish I had made a peanut butter pie or something yummy. I have a need to have my own money, so I keep on working, but I am discovering that I do not need this job.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
7 Jan 10
I don't agree with people who feel guilty about everything. That ruins your life. Now things like buying a truck, a Wii, a big screen tv, or a motorcyle - those are things we make sure are feasible before one of us arrives home with the purchase - but a cup of coffee? Are you kidding me?
I used to go to Starbucks much more often than I do now, but that's one of the things I like to do with friends - meet them for coffee. I don't even go as often as you do - I might go once a week. I hardly feel that less than $4 for a coffee once a week is something 'uncontrolled' or 'undeserved' lol.
