How to tell my best friend that i could not attend her wedding?
By jilshi
@jilshi (271)
Malaysia
January 6, 2010 11:16pm CST
My best friend is going to get married on 10 February which is Wednesday. Therefore, i need to take long leave if i attend her wedding. Furthermore, my work place is far away from the wedding location and i need 8 hours of travelling. I do not mind to travel far to attend her wedding. The problem is i do not have many leave left in my work place. I planned to save my leave to arrange for my marriage coming end of this year. But i have not tell anyone regarding my plan to get marry because my boyfriend is busy working overseas and could not confirm a date.
How can i tell my friend that i do not want to attend her wedding witout offend her? For your information, she had requested me to be her bridesmaid. I fell guilty right now.
11 responses
@rose66 (378)
• China
7 Jan 10
hi jilshi, if you really want to keep your leave for your marriage and you also don't want to tell this plan to your friends. order not to offend your friends you can answer that first and just before that day you can call her that you are uncomfortable and can't go the next day. that's not a very good idea , but if you really have no other choice , you can try!
@dianmelydia (2269)
• Indonesia
7 Jan 10
I think we should attending our friend's wedding if we really have a chance for attending that party. Wedding ceremonial and wedding party however is one of the most important moment for a couple, and if we have a chance for being a witness and guest, i think we may do it. But if because of one and another reason we can't attending the party, perhaps we can kindly tell our friend that we perhaps can't attending for a reliable reason. At least we wish them happiness forever and give them a gift, i believe such things can representing our attendance on the party. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@entrepinoy (709)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
If i were in your shoes, I will tell the truth to my best friend that I could not attend her special day because I do not have enough leaves to avail.
It is better to be honest to your best friend than to create lame excuses that can make you a fool.
Truth will always set you free and there are no secrets that are kept hidden.
@michele_villasenor (624)
• Philippines
11 Jan 10
It is understandable and is even expected that your best friend would feel bad about you not being able to make it to her special day. But I think it's best that you tell her at once so that, early on, she can arrange for an alternative bridesmaid immediately. If you would be honest with her there's a big chance that she would understand you.
@artistry (4151)
• United States
7 Jan 10
...Hi there jilshi, Happy 2010. If I were you, I would secure a copy of her bridal registry and select the nicest gift on the list that you could afford and send it to her. I would send a nice card with a letter explaining as best you can why you will be unable to attend. I think you can make your friend understand the problem
you have in attending. Whenever she has, if she does have, her first child, you should be sure to send a nice gift for the baby. Your friend will be forgiving in time. Just be sincere in the letter. No need to feel guilty, you have a valid reason. Take care.
@Fulltank (2882)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
Don't be as there should be no reason for you not to attend to her weeding. She's your best friend and the only valid reason for not attending her most important day of her life is if you are very, very ill. You should take a leave on your work and rush as fast as you could to her side. If you are think you are far, then take the quickest form of transportation by plane. If you don't do it, it would create friction between you two and I cannot imagine what will be the outcome.
@Uuveey (3)
• India
8 Jan 10
hi,
First and foremost suggestion is that you should really decide what you really want. Then tell her everything and i am sure she will understand your decision.I know you are feeling bad but you shouldn't feel guilty about it as you have valid reasons.Afterall what friends are for and there will be a lot more occasions where you can make it up.
Similar situation had happened to me though of different reasons and yes i did felt bad but nothing really change our friendship because of that.For the understandings,I am very proud of my friends.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
hello jil,
In my opinion,you must attend your friend's wedding.
Put yourself into her situation,what would you feel if your friend will do the same thing to you?
She's expecting you not to be just a wedding guest,but a bridesmaid.
If she value you and your friendship by selecting you as her bridesmaid,it means,you are so special to her,and she wants you to share this special event on her life too.
You can still have or asks some emergency leave once you need to arrange for your own marriage,and i guess,some company had also special leave for bride/groom expectant.
Anyway,this is just my opinion...at the end of the day,it is still your decision which will be pursued.
Think wisely before regretting things after
Anyway,this is just my opinion...at the end of the day,it is still your decision which will be pursued.
Think wisely before regretting things after
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Jan 10
Hi Jilshi,
She is your bestfriend right? so it's just proper that you attend her wedding. this is one great moment of her life and if there's a person whom she want to witness this significant event is YOU. Make her happy by being there for her wedding. i understand your reasons but if i am your bestfriend i will feel bad for you not coming. please do your best to come.
NOW--if you're determined enough not too, inform her this early that you are not coming to her wedding at least she has enough time to process whatever feelings she will have before her big day!
@jeanene72 (16)
• United States
7 Jan 10
Tell her the truth. Not about your own wedding, yet. But the truth is, you said you don't have enough time off work to come to her wedding. She should not be upset at you for that, if you tell the truth. It's a fact of life that we all have to work and we only have so many days off. Tell you you will be with her in spirit and that you want to see all the pictures. Don't feel guilty for something you can't control. If she is really a friend she will be a little sad, but should not be angry with you.
@subashmanchanda (26)
• India
7 Jan 10
Jilshi Ji,
The best option would be to tell your friend in plain and polite words that though you really want to join her wedding from the core of your heart, and also don't have any objection to being her bridesmaid, yet you would not be able to do so since your office is not sanctioning the leave for more than one day due to exigencies of the office. Also make it clear that there is 8 hours' jorney for one way.
Express your best wishes to the new couple for the coming marriage ceremony and also tender your sincere apologies.
But don't forget to write at least one month before the marriage.
Thanks!
@loveleah10 (22)
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
Please make it known to her as soon as possible, there's no need to lie, just be honest, your reason is acceptable and she would appreciate it if you tell her as early as now so she can get another person to replace you. I was not able to attend my bestfriend's wedding last year, and I made up petty excuses, she kept calling me during the reception, and I never went. She didn't talk to me for almost 6 months.. but we're okay now, though I hated missing that special event in her life...
