forgive and forget

All I know is that if you don't face your problems head on, then and there, they will not change.. You can forgive if they show you they are sorry but forgetting, is kind of hard depending on the situation at hand...I hope that we rise above all negativity and focus on positivity-what's good in our life....

I think it would have to do a lot with what was done, how often it was done, and how he would react when it comes that time to talk about it. Even if he came to me to tell me about what he did. I'm sure I'd have a boat load of questions to ask him and if he got rude and defensive, I'd probably show him the door... if he could talk to me like a human being and understand what he did, etc, I'd probably give him a second chance - but again, it would all depend on what he did and the severity of it. When my husband and i were still dating, right in the beginning (mind you, I just got out of a relationship with a VERY sneaky, dishonest, lying, deceitful man) and I found out about something he was doing with 900 #'s or whatever. When a bill came b/c the card he charged it to was expired, he swore he had no idea what it was they were nothing but liars, blah blah blah. I called that company and defended him until I was blue in the face. Then a few days later, another letter came in the mail that they had looked into it further, that it was legitimate and that he owed the balance... so I started dialing ready to rip a new bum bum... when they said "does the phone number blah blah blah ring a bell?" I hung up on the company and called my (boyfriend then) husband SCREAMING at him. i was torn. I didn't know what to do. fortunatly, or unfortunatly (you decide. haha) I work for his Mom... so when i got back from lunch she could definitly tell that something was wrong. I didn't want to have to tell her but she talked it right out of me. She called him right up and had him believing that I was leaving him and all kinds of crap. She said to him "remember when she was crying to you about how Chuck treated her? Abotu how all he did was lie to her? Do you really think you're any better in her eyes right now? I've raised you to be a good honest man and you want to pull this? Honestly, I wouldn't blame her if she walked right out of your life and never looked back!!!" TJ called me hysterical about how he's so sorry and he didn't realize I'd react this way and he only lied because he was embarassed about it and went on and on and on. His mom told me "I can almost guarantee that that boy will never tell another lie to you again" and two years later... she's still right! So - I guess I got a little carried away... but it brought that situation to mind.

Hi, joy4you! I had a partner like this, and at first i did forgive him. It was harder to forget. I did try to forget, but after everything he kept on doing what he had asked forgiveness for. I do think it is possible to forgive, a little harder to forget. To forget would mean that the things that have been forgiven have stopped being done, and that the person really is trying to not do those things anymore. I would forgive, and try my best to forget.

I think it would depend on how serious they were about changing and how much effort they were willing to expend. It is easy to say 'forgive me, I will change" but sometimes those are just words. I would have to see real change and real effort on the part of the other person and then I could forgive. The forgetting part comes much more difficultly, although the memory and hurt would fade in time, as long as they did not keep repeating the old behavior. I think it can make the relationship stronger in the end, however, it is not going to be an easy road but then neither is losing someone you care about. Best Wishes!