Life is NOT FAIR, And YOUR NOT ENTITLED TO JACK!
@RAVENBLADE0842 (493)
United States
January 11, 2010 2:47pm CST
Anyone else tired of the growing movement of "Fairness" in our society over the last decade. When I was in school I lived in a school district that among other things thrived on competition. Our athletic programs were consistently featured in state playoffs, and in more than one sport. More than that our academic clubs also consistently placed high in competition around the state and the country. My highschool was a Nationally ranked high school in academic achievement 3 years in a row during my tenure. All these things were possible because of competition and a idea of acheivement based on hard work and merit.
Then about 10 years ago there started to become this movement where acheivement based on merit went out the window. People had the argument that it wasn't fair that so many kids were quote "Excluded" from acitivities because they weren't good enough. They argued that this idea of competition based acheivement was hurting the self esteem of children and teenagers, and that everyone should be allowed to participate in any activity the wished, and should be rewarded just for there participation. Now you have children being given ribbons for finishing in 10th place out of 10 just for participation. As a result the extreme of competition has been replaced with the extreme of complacency.
For an entire decade a generation of children has grown up with this idea that it really doesn't matter how hard you work, or how well you prepare yourself to achieve your goals because in the end they will give you what you want anyway. Teenagers and young adults have this sense of entitlement by the time they graduate from highschool that is so far removed from reality that its ridiculous. Many of them have a serious lack of respect for their elders, whether that be parents, teachers, or anyone else with real life experience. They truely believe they can do whatever the want, however they want, and be rewarded for it, regardless of the actual effort they put into it.
Then they graduate from highschool with no real life experience, and most of time not a whole lot of work experience. They think its just a given they will go out into world and land that perfect job, make good money right off the bat, and lifes rewards will just magically come to them. They move out of their parents homes, not because they have to, but simply because they turn 18 and think they are adults, and suddenly they dont have to live by house rules, and dont have to listen to anything anyone tells them.
Then reality starts to kick in when they are faced with the real world and quickly learn "Life is Not Fair" and "Your not entitled to Jack". Its only when they have to struggle with not finding that job, not having money to spend, not being able to just do anything they thought would, that things start to change. When reality finally kicks in, and they realize nobody really gives a damn what they think, whether they have food in their stomach, and a place to live, that they finally get it through their heads that they have to work hard to achieve what they want in life
This is not an attack on youth so much as an observation of they way I see things in our society. Many young adults do work hard, and acheive their goals based on the merit of that hard work and skills they have learned through experience and study. Infact these young adults should be even more irratated with a large group of their peers because they are unfairly judged just by their age group. So are we really doing our children any favors by teaching them that it doesn't matter how hard you work, or the effort you put into something doesn't matter because just participating in whatever they do will be rewarded.
I am all for encouraging children to try new things and explore all areas of interest. But at the same time I believe that teaching our children the merits of hard work, study, and dedication to whatever they are doing is far more valueable to them in the long run, than just allowing them to give little effort and be rewarded for little achievement, just because they tried. So tell me what you think?
2 people like this
6 responses
@JodiLynn (1417)
• United States
12 Jan 10
IMO, it all starts with the newer way of bringing up kids. We give them caps and gowns when they are THREE, for nursery school graduations. All they did was eat paste,play with clay, color and learn not to poop themselves. Really? This deserves a diploma?
Talk about detracting from potential achievement...By the time the kids actually get to the real graduation (high school then college) it means almost nothing.
God forbid we hurt anyones feelings now days. I cried my entire tenure of high school, thats what teen age girls DO. (I called it B.I.T. camp thats bitczh in training) thats when we learn how to control our emotional selves. Now they don't learn how to do that. It seems like no one has self control or responsibility. No one is "to blame" for things gone wrong. The good old days weren't always good, but at least most of us came away with a sense of becoming adults, not assuming it was our just due.
While I realize we should encourage participation, showing up shouldn't entitle anyone to a ribbon. Not all kids are meant to play sports, not all jocks were meant to be on honor roll, you don't give them a pass on what they don't achieve, you encourage more practice (study). And Grading curves don't do anyone any favors, ultimately.
We adults set them up for this expectation, so, the new question is,
WHAT DID WE EXPECT?
1 person likes this
@MJay101 (710)
•
11 Jan 10
Whilst I agree with some of what you've said, I also see the logic in rewarding 'participation' as well as winning.
When I was a lad, I played in the football (soccer) team, the hockey team and the cricket team; I ran in the cross country team, and competed in the 100m relay, 800m, 1500m and triple jump in athletics - so I've not got a chip on my shoulder!
I felt great when I won, or when the team I played in triumphed; but I also felt great in just taking part. I was never very good at judo (too small and skinny), but I competed in a regional tournament. Though I didn't do all that well, I felt that that ranked amongst my greatest achievements - because I participated.
I know that a friend of mine, less gifted (it's fair to say), was chuffed to bits that he made the football team just once.
It all depends how you define success. I don't think it's healthy for society to valorise only the strongest, or the fastest. I do think it's appropriate to encourage co-operation as well as competition. I also think the cack-handed way in which many of these policies are implemented is worthy of stern rebuke!
But I wouldn't begrudge a slower comrade a ribbon.
(In fact, I'd probably try to steal it, or swap it for my cheap, nasty winner's medal... 
)
)
@RAVENBLADE0842 (493)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Another good point. I don't think the strongest or fastest are the only ones who should be recognized, or that participation should be entirely ignored because of not winning. Just that there should be more emphasis on giving your best effort. I think we have gone so far to the other side of things in many cases that competitive achievement itself is diminished. Competition developes standards that people can aim for. I think our society puts so much emphasis on the negatives of failure that they don't bother to recognize what can be learned from that failure. When a standard of excellence is set it gives those of us who have not acheived it a barometer to set goals by. Even in your own participation, if you don't do well you have set a standard by which you can practice, learn, and get better at whatever activity you are involved in. I also think your right in terms of promoting co-operation as well as competition. But there needs to be more of a balance than one extreme or the other.
1 person likes this
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Okay, so honestly... I didn't read your entire post... but I think the first paragraph or two gets me started anyway.
I agree with you 100%!!! I hate that the entire world thinks that everyone needs to be equal - every one should get whatever they want basically. It doesn't matter whether you're good at a sport or whatever or not.
Its kind of like, I have 2 friends who receive SSI - and they think as soon as they're friends with someone who has more than them, that they're entitled to some of it. You know "so and so has 3 cars and mine doesn't work and they never offered to let me borrow one! I see what kind of people they are!" I don't mind helping out people in need, but the more they demand it instead of asking for it, the less I want to help them!
If their food stamps get cut by $20 then the world is coming to an end b/c "they shouldn't be able to just take our money back like that!" ITS NOT YOUR MONEY TO BEGIN WITH! WORK FOR IT AND THEN SEE HOW IT FEELS TO WATCH EVERYONE ELSE SPEND YOUR PAYCHECK FOR ONCE!
I never got accepted to play any sports or be a cheerleader or whatever b/c I SUCK AT THEM! Did I cry? Probably... were my feelings hurt? Well sure! I felt like a tried my hardest! Did I make my mom call the principal and the coach and file a lawsuit b/c they didn't treat me right? HELL NO!
Everyone needs to just pull their heads out of their @$$es and remember the times where you had to actually work for what you have. Life is not about handouts, its about making the best out of it!
I can promise you that while raising my daughter, she's learning that life isn't always fair, you can't always be the best, you're not always going to be accepted for who you are (whether you're a "good person" or not), you have to work for what you want and you have to strive to be great. Its not just going to happen with a few phone calls and whining for an hour or a week or a month.
so... YEAH! haha
@RAVENBLADE0842 (493)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Yeah, Sorry people I got a little long winded on that one. But thanks for the response. That is exactly how I feel on this subject. There is a whole group of people out there who seem to think that the mere idea of failure is a this awful, horrible thing that children should not have to experience. The only problem with that idea is that they are almost by default teaching there kids not to even try new things. Failure is as much a fact of life as mistakes. Children often learn far more by trial and error, failing and trying again, then they ever would simply by winning all the time, or being rewarded for little to no work.
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
11 Jan 10
I might not have "loved" the mistakes when I made them back in the day or whenever they might have occured, but its called "life experience" its called 'experimenting" its called... well, whatever you want to call it. Eff ups are part of life and if you don't learn how to handle them when you're younger how in the hell are you going to deal when the real world knocks at your door?
Even at 3 years old, I let my daughter do all kinds of things I know she can't do! haha But she wants to try them and as long as they're not fatal, I let her try them. How else is she going to learn? how else is she going to improve herself unless she knows there's room for improvement?
Oh my I could go on and on and on about this! haha
@coolcoder (2018)
• United States
11 Jan 10
I agree with you 100%. It's gotten really pathetic as of recently. The students who achieve through their own hard work and efforts are practically punished in order to boost the non-achievers' self-esteem.
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
12 Jan 10
Hello, Raven. Healthy competition is what brings forward the shining stars who inspire the others to emulate them and aspire to greatness. If the element of competition is removed, you end up with a community or even a nation of mediocrities - not particularly bad at anything, but not particularly good at anything either.
We all know life isn't fair - it never has been, and never will be - but it's a mistake to think you can make people more equal by removing the element of competition from life. I don't agree with ridiculing someone because they are perceived to be underachieving, but neither do I agree with holding back the talented ones just so the others will feel better about themselves.
@trruk1 (1028)
• United States
12 Jan 10
Yep, it's true. Life is not fair and you don't get your money back. Consider what has happened with the grading process in school. Everybody gets an "A". Nobody gave me any "A"s when I was in school. I earned every single one of them. Now we have upwards of half a high school graduating class with an "A" average. When we skipped school, it meant big trouble. These days, the consequences are zero. That carries over into the work force. I have fired a lot of people, most of them for schedule adherence. They do not show up for work. Sometimes they do not even call to say they are not coming. And often, they are surprised when, after repeated warnings, they get fired for not showing up. I told them what the consequences would be but they did not believe it. We, as parents, as school employees, as a society, taught these kids that they can do whatever they want and get away with it. They learned it. If you get an "A" for just showing up at school, and they can't be bothered to do that, let's just give them an "A" anyway. Which means your grade report, even if you earned yours, does not mean anything. Universities don't care and neither do employers. For those of us who have worked hard and earned the little bit that we have, it makes it more difficult to move up in the world, because educational credentials count for nothing.
