I feel like my life is over....
By rmorefield
@rmorefield (941)
United States
January 13, 2010 12:52am CST
My husband got into a fight a year ago and ended up getting arrested. He has been locked up for a year now. He has missed the birth of our youngest son, and his first Christmas. He went to court today for final sentencing, and we (and his lawyer) were sure that he would be getting out soon, since he has been in for a year already. Well, this is not the case. He was sentenced to SIX YEARS!! I know that he shouldn't have done what he did, but in his defense, he is bipolar and was not on medication at the time. I know that doesn't excuse it, but I just want you to know that he isn't a bad guy. He loves me and the kids totally. He is great with my two children from my previous marriage, and loves them as his own. He would do anything in the world for someone if they needed it. I feel like my world has stopped. My heart is up in my throat right now. It's been hard enough to live without him for this long, but how do I survive the next six years? Our children will not know him at all. We miss him. Have any of you ever been separated from the one that you love? How do you deal with it? I don't want to "move on" with my life and find someone else. He is the other half of me. What do I do?
3 people like this
15 responses
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
14 Jan 10
6 years is really a long time, I can feel your sorrow. Sorry that you have to go through all this. Have you tried an appeal? Get a medicinal certificate or something to prove he is bipolar and perhaps the sentence can be reduced. Try to seek legal help with this. I'm really sorry and I really hope the sentence can be reduced and the appeal looked into..
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
14 Jan 10
You are very much welcome...it's the least that I can do. And you are always welcome to share your sorrows and problems with friends here, including myself. We will always try our best to help. Just take care of yourself and children.. and keep us update as to how the case will go. Hoping for the best for you definitely.
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
14 Jan 10
I am going to hire him a better lawyer, and start the appeal process. The sentence was just handed down yesterday, and I am still kind of in shock. Thank you for your concern. Sometimes it helps just knowing that there are people out there, like yourself, that truly care. Here, it is just me and the kids. And I really can't talk to them about "adult things".
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 Jan 10
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through! This has got to be very very tough on you all. It must have been a very serious fight if he has been in jail this long and they are making him serve another 6 years!! Was the other guy seriously injured? It just seems like a very harsh punishment for a fight.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Appeal? What exactly caused him to get arrested? People get into fights all the time and don't serve even a fraction of a year, what made this instance different? What gives you another avenue too is the bi-polar and non-medicated argument.
I realize I do not know the story at all, and if you don't want to share it publically, I won't be nosy, but I do know a little of how the justice system works, and it certainly looks like it is being much harder on him than it needs to be. People who do much worse get nothing but a hand slap.
I have never been separated in THIS way from somebody, but I did have a long distance relationship and that is bad enough. I don't understand people who continue to do that without one of them breaking down and moving to be with the other one lol. I won't tell you to 'move on with your life' because you say you love him and that he is the other half of you. Whatever you can do to appeal I would do - and hold on to what is important, for yourself and for your kids.
1 person likes this
@jellymonty (2352)
•
13 Jan 10
Hey hun, I feel for you really. But it doesn't make sense that one should be punished for six years for an assault. I mean did anybody die during this fight? Because its only when there is a loss of life thats when they give harsh sentence times.
All I can say is hang in there and just keep talking about him and visiting him as often with the kids.
1 person likes this
@jahernandezrivas (11288)
• United States
13 Jan 10
I am soory to hear that. I will pray for you and your family! You have to be strong in times like these it will be hard but just keep fighting and he will be home soon.
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
14 Jan 10
Thank you for your prayers. We need all of them that we can get. I am trying my best to stay strong. I'm just not sure that I can, even though I have to be.
@slickvash (22)
• Philippines
13 Jan 10
six years is not that long. just pray for him, for your family, i'll pray for your family also. just visit him as often as you could. God bless you and your family.
1 person likes this
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Thank you for your prayers. I know that I can be strong for our kids. They need me to be Mom and Dad right now. I hope that it won't be very long. Right now, it seems like it is. I am just terrified that something bad will happen to him while he is on the inside. I pray that God will keep him safe. God bless.
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
13 Jan 10
I just do not know if his Bipolar problem, he could plead to psychological problem which needs to be evaluated by a certified psychologist. If he passes to be that then maybe the sentence may be lowered and he could even go to a mental facility to treat it like that.
His being a a good citizen, a good father, would be useless if he us proven guilty of his case.
1 person likes this
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Unfortunately, you are right in the sense that the courts don't care how good you are if you do something wrong. He was seen by a psychologist a couple of years ago, who diagnosed him with having Bipolar Disorder. I know that he was seen by a county psychologist, but I do not know what conclusion they came to. And I do know, however, that his doctor was not summonsed to testify in the matter. He was actually seen by a team of doctors that first time when he was in a hospital because he had a manic episode. I thought that he was having some type of mental break, so he agreed to be admitted to a mental hospital. I think that I may hire him a better lawyer, and see if the decision can be appealed to a lighter sentence with the aid of his doctors. Thank you for your advice.
@anyket (106)
• India
13 Jan 10
hii rmorefield,
its sad that you are facing such a difficult circumstance in your life right now,but the only thing you can do right now is have faith in yourself and the fact that everything happens for good.Moving on does not mean finding someone else but it simply means accepting the situation.Why dont you try appealing in some higher court in your country maybe they will give a different decision.dont think that you are losing your other half because you were born a complete person u just have to realise that. why dont u try meditation to get through these tough times. www.sahajmarg.org go to this site to learn about meditation .i am sure it will help you.
1 person likes this
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Thank you. I will try meditation. I have never done it before, but I have heard that it helps people. Yes, you are right. There is a reason for everything. I will do my best to try and accept this. And I may hire him a better lawyer and try to appeal the decision. This is a very small community, where everyone knows everyone, and grudges are easy to come by, yet hard to let go of.
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
13 Jan 10
Hi, rmorefield 
What happened to your husband is sad but I think the best thing to do is to make the most of the situation. You and your husband must "move on" together. Six years may be a long time but it is not forever. You and the kids can visit him often and, at home, you can talk about him with the kids. Do not stop making him a part of your family so that at the end of six years, there would only be minor adjustments when he goes back home.
Take care 
What happened to your husband is sad but I think the best thing to do is to make the most of the situation. You and your husband must "move on" together. Six years may be a long time but it is not forever. You and the kids can visit him often and, at home, you can talk about him with the kids. Do not stop making him a part of your family so that at the end of six years, there would only be minor adjustments when he goes back home.
Take care @lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
13 Jan 10
it is really sad what happened but you have to move on for the sake of your children. pray for him, miracles do happen.
1 person likes this
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
I will pray for a miracle. And you are right, I have to think of our children. I cannot fall apart, and I cannot let them see me upset. I need to be strong for them. Thank you.
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 10
separated from those who loved it was a separation of the hardest and everyone would be experiencing, only different the way and events ...
I think you are enough lucky, separated from her husband only within the limits of "confinement", so, you can still meet with your husband, either in prison or after serving his .. so, keep praying for the happiness your husband and especially for your family happiness
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Thank you. I will definitely pray. Yes, I am lucky in the sense that he can come home to us eventually. At least God has not called him home.
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
Thank you. I would really appreciate all of the prayers that you can give us. My biggest fear is that he will be hurt. He will be locked up with some very hard-core people. I just want him to come home to us safe. I know that God will protect him. We will try to be strong.
@sweet_harmony (52)
• Philippines
13 Jan 10
i think you jsut have to go on for the sake of your kids.. all the love you had from him just give it to your siblings and to yourselves, God Knows evrything.. He will make you happy soon! keep praying!
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
I will pray. I know that God let this happen for a reason, I just don't understand what that reason is right now.
@samire (54)
• China
13 Jan 10
You may not leave your husband. Now there such a thing,he did not want to.
You should give a chance for your huaband.You do not want your children without their own biologicl father's love.For your children ,you must hold on.All the bad thing that will be the last.
1 person likes this
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
13 Jan 10
I will try my best to be strong for them. No, the last thing on my mind is to leave him. He is my other half. I couldn't leave him if I wanted to. I know that he is scared that I will find someone else, but that is not possible. I don't even think about other men in that way.
@FRANCISCOANDLEE (750)
• United States
13 Jan 10
First let me say how sorry I am that you and your family must deal with this ordeal. Loverbear gave you the best advice there is. I have a brother who has spent plenty of time behind bars which has hurt his entire family who love him. Staying busy in there doing things to better himself when he gets released is the best for him, you and the kids. From reading the post sounds like you are staying very busy which is a good thing but please remember to take some time for yourself once in a while. Even if its getting a sitter so you can just go get a hair cut and do some grocery shopping. You do need a little time for yourself.
The kids will be find just remind them every night when you tuck them in that daddy loves them . Take them to see him and have them talk on the phone when your husband gets phone privileges, and can talk. They are not gonna forget daddy.
Also I know its hard to think of right now, but instead of dwelling on the time apart try thinking of the reunion you will share together when he is released and your in each others arms.
