Grandparents and Favorites

Hello. This is such a sensitive subject, isn't it? I understand completely and sympathize with you. My mom did/does the same thing with my children. And it is something that I see quite often in my extended family and with friends. I personally feel that "in your own heart", you can play favorites. But it is so important that the kids don't know that you have a favorite. As far as my mom is concerned, my son can do no wrong. When my kids were small, my mom would spend lots of time with my son and basically ignore my daughter. Her reasoning was that my son does not have contact with his biological father or his family, whereas my daughter is close with her dad and spends time with him and his family. I have never felt that this is fair cause the kids didn't choose any of this. They are both great kids and deserve love from all. I have tried to talk to my mom, but she is basically set in her ways and won't change. It has improved since my kids grew up, but still bothers me immensely. Have you tried to talk to the grandparents and make them see how they are making your little boy feel? Is is because your daughter is older? Have they ever said anything about Paul? Do they ignore him and only pay attention to Kathryn? I wonder if they even realize how they are hurting him? Some people are so clueless and don't even think of others feelings. I guess if you have tried to talk to them and they still don't get it, I would be limiting the time they spend with your girl. What does your husband think? I would be doing whatever was required to protect my kids. If that means they don't get to have your girl alone, then so be it. You have to do something about this before Paul is old enough to know what is going on. I wish you luck in trying to make them understand. The bottom line is you have to do whatever to protect those little people.

Yuu are going to have to tell them that. It is horrible when GP play favourites. I have 4 GC and love them all so much. Tell them straight out that your son is being left out only say it more gently than that. My MIL was hell on earth and she did not pay any of my children any attention really. She never remembered birthdays or Christmas' = never received a gift from them at all. After my experiences with her I swore to be the best MIL that I could be with my DIL. We gt on so well together and have such fun. I love them dearly. Anyway, back to the topic - get your son to tell them that HE has noticed that your son does not get so much attention from them and he finds it hurtful. Then run for cover when you next see them

I would just ask why they don't take him anywhere, or want him to sleep over. Is your daughter older and maybe listens more? Do they feel they can't handle him? It definitely cannot go on like that because your son will feel this for sure, and soon enough too. You're going to have to be up-front with this and have it corrected. What does your husband say?

I think this goes on more than some want to admit or actually see. This happens in my house as well. My mother in law doesn't want to see she does it though it's pointed out regularly. She just doesn't care for the most part. When we had our son, who is now 7, that was her first ever grandchild. So it was fine for her to have the one on one speical time with him... after a while she begged us to have another,preferablly a girl. Though my body doesn't tolerate pregnancy well, we choose not to have another, but apparenlty someone answered her prayers and we had a little girl, who's 2 now. After her begging and wanting that little girl you'd think she would want to spend time with her, nope. It's gotten to the point that my son will say, if my sister can't go with us, I won't go either. It breaks my heart to see this happen becasue I know my son wants to go, but he's doing the right thing by standing up for his sister who doesn't understand what's going on. My husband has spoken to his mom, and she doesn't seem to think she's doing anything wrong by wanting one on one time with her grandkids, though she never gets or attempts to get our daughter for her one on one time. We've put our foot down by not letting our son go over to see his parents, because of how is mom has been doing our daughter. We are hoping soon she'll realize how much time she's really wasted by being selfish, but that's yet to happen. I sure hope it does come soon because it's breaking my heart to see them want to go, and she not want but one. I would understand if she wanted one at a time but she never wants our little girl.

We have the same problem at our house. We have a son 4 and a daughter 1 and they spoil my daughter like crazy but not our son. The really crazy part is they have 4 grandchildren 3 girls and 1 boy. Our son is their ONE AND ONLY grandson. Yet they still don't give him the time of day. I don't get it and I don't think I ever will we just try to make sure we do the best we can to keep it even. I don't feel close enough to my husbands parents to bring it up and I know he won't so I guess there really isn't much I can do. The only thing I now is we really make an effort for them to know or children and the other grandkids parents don't so while it may not seem fair to me I know our children are both much closer to them then the other grandchildren.

My grandparents were the same way. My mom was the "angel baby" and her brother was ignored. In our family though, it seems the other way around. I'm the oldest girl, I'm going to college full time, I have a car, a 32 hour/week part time job, and other things I do during the week. My brothers have no driver's license, no cars, no school, jobs less than 16 hours/week and the rest of their time is spent playing computer games. Despite this, I'm the one who seems to be constantly disappointing, comming up short, not measuring up, in trouble with mom all the time. When I try and talk to her about it she defends the boys, excusing their laziness. I guess I'm in the same boat. What do I wish someone would say or do for me? 1) Be up-front about the problem with your kids when they're old enough to understand (and they catch on to things like that quicker than you think). Let them know you know what's going on and that its not fair and allow them to express thier feelings on the subject. 2)You could try to (mildly and appropriately) compensate for the underdog kid. For instance: "Well, Kelly got a nice present yesterday, I think its Bobby's turn." and pick out something small that he might like. 3)Always spend extra time with your kids. The closer you are to them, reafirming your love for them and how special they are, the less they are going to care if someone treats them badly because they can remind themselves "my mom/dad loves me anyway."

I know the feeling. Since my nephew was the first born my mother has always been like over board about him. My mother favors him so bad and honestly he is a rotten brat and a bully. They take him places all the time and buy him like a new train every week and never except for holidays or birthdays ever get my kids something brand new from the store. They will take my nephew to chuck e cheese and leave my neice home with their mother. Its pretty messed up.

Dear doran Well i have 7 grandkids , ranging in age from 17 years to 24 months, i love them equally, we try to spend time with them, when we visit homes of the kids. but the youngest of them, Subhee is daughter of my younger son, who lives with us, naturally she is with us most hours of the day, may be you call her as our favorite.. Thanks for sharing Cheers. God bless you, have a nice day ahead. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .