How would you tackle this?

Well I would know what meds he's on. I would also find his Dr's number and let the nurse know your feelings on the matter of him taking his meds. There's no way you can force him to take them or know he has taken them w/o administering them yourself. But you know my uncle had a stroke last summer & partly because he's loosing his block a bit (forgetful) and will tell you every cuss word in the book because he's right even if his pills were in his lil sorter. Well he had a stroke and now he's even more angry than before because he can't drive himself around anymore or do what he wants to do when he wants too. So keep an eye on it and just say if you don't take this or that pill you are risking a stroke, heart attack ect...... But sometimes in some people it's a sign that they are going to start going down hill. Though it may take years, it will catch up to them sooner or later. Good Luck to you!

Hi vandana,as our parents get old they tend to become insecure mostly because of failing health,and internally they crave for more attention though I guess they do not like to lose their independence and become depend on their children,more and more.Most of them also feel that they do not want to become a burden on their children,and end up becoming difficult and uncooperative.Its up to us to understand their needs and deal with them patiently and to make them feel wanted and loved .

This makes me remember this story Vandana. An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window. The Father asked his Son, "What is this?" The Son replied "It is a crow". After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?" The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow". After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?" At this time some ex-pression of irritation was felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow" A little after, the Father again asked his Son the 4th time, "What is this?" This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?" A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :- "Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time he asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child". While the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

Hi Vandana! My sympathies are fully with you and I can well understand your situation. I also have an old father (and in fact a father-in-law too) like you and sometimes it becomes really difficult to convince him for certain things. He would do, as he likes, irrespective of the consequences. You see when one reaches at such a age, his/her 'ideas/thoughts' get fixed up and s/he does not want to amend it at any cost and he always thinks that those who are advicing him are younger to him so how can they be more experienced and mature than him. It is same with many old people, who are hard to convince. I think we need to be very patient with them and should not lose our temper while arguing with him, even for the sake of their benefit. If one gets angry then it becomes all the more difficult to make understand an older man all the consequences of his wrong decision. Hope you will treat him with patience and will supress your anger, while dealing with him. All the best to you. Have a great day! Deepak

Vandana, old people become more like children year after year. Once he was your dad and now you are his mom. So let him snap. Let him think he is the boss of the home, so what? It does not affect you. When people age they lose confidence. They become pessimistic. They start thinking they are burden to the family/they think others think so. They think they are not given due respect by the youngsters. They think youngsters never listen to them/ take their advices etc etc.. He needs confidence, I bet you can give it to him friend.

My grandfather passed in 2008. Before he did it was like having an alheizmers patient( he wasnt he had diabetes and it was destroying his brain much like the other disease would) he had days where it was very much like talking to my four yr old. Other days he was very violent and verbally abusive and lucky for me my mom was there cause he tried to hit me and my grandmother.... i knew most of his anger was because of the diabetes and its effects on his brain and the rest of it was frustration over knowing something was wrong but being unsure of what. It was a hard time for all of us. I have learned you gotta let the attitudes go... he couldnt help what was happening so why stay mad at him.... Sometimes the fight is not worth it... let him think what he will as long as he is not trying to hurt anyone its ok.

I can certainly sympathize with your situation, and it is a tough spot to be in. My father was the same way, insisting on doing things that were unsafe. As a family, we decided that we would warn him of the consequences, and then step back. When I put myself in his place, I would rather do what I want and shorten my life, than be miserable and live longer. I also work with geriatric patients and see this kind of family struggle all of the time. The best thing you can do is make sure the doctor knows what he is taking, and what he is not. It will do you no good to fuss with him about it, and it will only taint the time you have left with him. I feel that elderly individuals have a right to stop taking medicine, having tests, etc., if they choose. Many have told me that they are tired of living and are unconcerned with the consequences of medical noncompliance, just as long as they can make their own choices. Even though the outcome may not be good, it is their choice. I know that this is a very difficult thing for families, to let their loved one make choices that will shorten their lives, but sometimes it is truly what they want. Once you have done everything you can to convince them, all you can do is love them.

my father in law is like that he does not take his medication or even eat meals, i realised that he lacks of companion at times ..whenever my husband is there, he entertains his father, they go back into memory lane and the father can actually eat while chatting with the son .. the others in the family dont actually entertain him they just push, order or give instructions, which he does not like n snaps on them .. cheers

Old people are like that.They cannot digest that they have no more powers or responsibilities.Only a few ripe to old age and spend their days to help other or find a way to mingle with their age group and celebrate the days.Most old people are with ailments and they can't forget it with all the medicines.I think,you should help him find a hobby.Why not introduce him to mylot?

Hi Vandana, That’s a normal behavior among our elders who find themselves as being a burden to others lives. They want to be recognized like before who can be what they want to be. Now, given their illness and their age—instead of having the feeling of fulfillment for all the years of hard work for the family now he’s in bed, under medication, needs someone to eat, give him a bath and everything for him…he feels useless and that’s where the attitude is coming from. Being so irate, hard to understand, feeling all-knowing, etc… let’s have the heart to continue giving our full understanding and care. They need our support despite their being so hard to deal with. Be patient enough. I know this is not a easy role to take but for the love of our parents we will be able to do this.

Hi vandy.. even i have a grandpa with the same behavior as your dad.. But i can tell you one thing seriously that your father is far better than my grandpa... some times i get so much irritated that i should throw him out of the house.. But my heart doesn't agree for that... Being so much old and doesn't listen to anyone... playing childish

Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're currently in. I am also facing similar difficulties recently: My father is 60+ and recently he suspected himself to have developed Diabetes just because he constantly feels thirsty. When we asked him to see the doctor to check it out, he refused and said there's no need to see a doctor because he's certain he has Diabetes and the doctor would only tell him how bad it is. So instead of visiting the doctor to confirm or negate this suspicion, he keeps drinking water the whole day to quench his thirst. He also changed his eating habit, by curbing all meat and carbohydrates, he now only eats vegetables and drinks a lot of water and soup! He keeps on complaining about his thirst and says he will soon die. My family and I are so fed up with him. And this is what we do now: we tell him not to complain anything unless he goes see the doctor. If he doesn't see a doctor to confirm/negate his worries, he's not in the right position to complain about anything. We just ignore his complaints and keep talking him into visiting the doctor. Not sure if this approach works in your family, but I do hope that your father's situation will soon improve.

I have a grandmother and a grandfather. It feels like they hate it when they feel useless and weak and they are like in denial that they are getting weak and they refuse to take medicine.

People turn to the childhood in the old days. Behavior in old days is similar to the childhood. Careful and affectionate treatment is best in such situation. Lack interest on the medicine is common in those people who takes more medicine. If you consider it as normal and think it as a normal task then you can find amusement in his nature. When situation is not changeable then go in the wave is best solution.

hi vandana, that is common in old ages,some people will do like that,my mother also having more than 75 years,but she is not like childish,she alright,regarding your father some people will be like their,we have to pacify them and tell them about the things and happenings if they does not take medicines like that,donot irritate them let them behave like that,that is the only we can do for him,have a nice dau

Your dad sounds exactly like my father-in-law! I think they get to an age where they think of themselves the same as they always were, yet are suffering the reality that their body is starting to betray them. Most no longer work, some friends may have passed on, the world around them is certainly changing whether they want it to or not, some no longer feel needed. Refusing to take medications, or not following doctors instructions are attempts to still have some control over themselves. It's sad because the desire for independance causes them to make choices that aren't always good for them. Have you spoken to his doctor about not taking the medicines? It may not be critical if he misses a dose, other medications require that all doses are taken. Does your dad still have a social life outside of your home? Is there some activities that can be his responsibility? Are there any senior centers where he can interact with others in his age group, maybe even spark a little romantic interest? That would give you respite if you are his caretaker. It's hard not to treat them like the children they are acting like, isn't it?

Can't you win a person over quicker with honey than a stick???? Extra love and attention should help. Give him something to win. If you take your medicine, I'll do something special. Still stubborn?? How about do it for me?? Don't you love me anymore???? A few tears might even turn the tide.If none of this works, figure a way to put it in food. No one turns down that favorite desert even if the medicine is mixed in. Hope this helps and maybe gives you a few ideas. We just have to out think our kids even if they are 75 and our parents.

That's hard. It is not easy to argue with an old man. In our place we believe that old people have certain feelings. They are very sensitive, are easily hurt and can be paranoid at times. That is why he is trying to make it hard for you with his medicines. You need all the patience you have in order to be able to live with them harmoniously.

Let him get away with it. Hello, since when has it been right to "tackle" old people. They, if anyone, deserve to do what they want and how they want it as long as they are not jeopardizing other people's safety.

I cannot relate you totally because that has not been happen to my parents nor my relatives. Truly, if I am in this situation and it always happen almost every day I will feel irritated, and get angry because we are only human. What the most thing that I should do is to have more patience, I must understand even the un understandable circumstances. After all, he is my father and my love for him makes me that patience to endure.