Wings flew her to heaven

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So... I'm still torn up on the inside. The pain is as fresh in me as it was the day it happened. My mother. She left me. She flew up to heaven with wings of an angel attatched to her. I saw it happen. She passed away in march of 2009. I know it hasn't even been a year yet but I feel as though I should be somewhat healed by now, or at least starting the healing process. I'm not. -I'm stuck.- Just last week while cleaning out some of her belongings, I found a note she wrote to me in case she passed away. It was beautiful and it's now framed hanging on my wall. My birthday was 2 days ago. I expected to see her. Her spirit, a sign, anything at all!She had lung cancer. It was not a shock that she was dying-we knew. Yet it still killed me inside. I miss her more than anything. She was my support, my best friend, my teacher, care giver, SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING!!! I have 2 kids, they are 3&5 now. I'm scared they won't remember the roman who helped me on my feet and took care of them and loved them dearly. Sure, I have pictures, but that doesn't mean much in 19 years from now when they look at them and have no recollection of the events. I'm just wondering if anybody knows how I'm feeling or what I can do to start this healing process. I just need some help I suppose. Or maybe I just needed to get this off my chest but I would love to hear about your experiences with losing a loved one.