Should I be the first one to make a move?
By pentagan12
@pentagan12 (757)
Philippines
January 21, 2010 4:16am CST
This is really a question that confuses me right now. Whether to make a move or to stick to my pride. Well let me share with you just a brief story about me and my boyfriend. Every time we have an argument, it's always me who apologizes even if sometimes, it's his fault. I just don't want to stay mad at him the whole day and i just want everything to be okay. But this time, I think I already deserve to just let things happen the way it should be. We recently had an argument, that was the other night to be specific. He got mad at me because he was blaming me for losing his card game. He blamed me because I stayed beside him while he was playing. In short, he was thinking as if I was the one who brought him bad luck. It hurts me of course but then I just took it for granted for I thought it wasn't that serious. So when we were about to sleep that night, he never really talked to me until we came up into hurting each others' feelings with words. Until now, we are not yet in good terms. I don't know what to do. If I will be the one to approach him again, he will always try to hurt my feelings knowing that I will always forgive him and that I will always approach him. Well I hope to hear opinions from you guys. I just want make things clear. Thanks a lot
18 responses
@syaryel (155)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 10
well, its simple..He's a dork!!
honestly, you should stick to your pride this time around..besides, I don't see anything wrong with you..I guess he's just frustrated for loosing the game, and blaming you seems to be a good way for making excuse for his short coming..
as a gentleman he should be able to compromise with his lover, and as a man he should be able to admit his wrong and apologize..
-simple-
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
You do have the point. I just hope he thinks the same way you do, but he's not really thinking at all. I guess he is not that man enough to admit to himself that he was wrong. He is scared of asking for an apology, I think.
@deepamoorthy (239)
• India
21 Jan 10
may be it is silly to hear such thing even if u correct the situation u will face the same problem again.so decide what u want in life and take the step according to ur decision.if it is ur boyfriend u want then u have to give up ur pride and should take the first step.and u will face the problem again and again .that is life u have to take it the way it is.or if u do't want ur boyfriend then be bold and avoid him u may come across a really person who will take care of u and will never hurt u. all the best for decision.
@deepamoorthy (239)
• India
21 Jan 10
i can understand your situvation take time to decide according to me life is to enjoy not cry these are small hinderences coming in life decide to your happiness in life
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
Thanks for your response. Well, you're right but the thing is I am really confused on what to do. I cannot even think of one thing. I can hardly decide regarding this matter because it's like I am caught in the middle of these two opposing ideas. I love him as much as I want to be with him for the rest of my life but I've been hurt too badly also. I am already tired of crying every time we have an argument.
@jhoanee (598)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
if u can still forget with ur pride then make the first move but if not then let him feel ur hurting inside. its natural for girls to make the first move if we had a fight over little things. but u should left something for urself if u think his doing is too much already then talk to him that ur hurting inside and what he did is too much. we girls had the ability to an open communication than guys, i guess u should open up to him specially when ur about to sleep at least he will listen coz his not doing nothing. just to talk things out for ur relationship to work..i wish u all the goodluck, hope it will be settled.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
21 Jan 10
Your boyfriend is acting silly.Well,you need not lose your pride and at the same time want to make hin take the first move.So,consider my idea of writing down a letter to him.Narrate your feelings about how it hurts when he blamed you for silly reason.Ask him to ask apology or at the least talk first(if this condition will make things worse),ask him to take you out or ask for a gift as a token of sorry.Mildly threaten him that you will not be taken for granted.I think this will work.
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
Thanks for your comment but I don't think it will work. He's a kind of person who doesn't easily get threatened by that. Well, he has a high pride and his hard is as hard as stone. I actually cried in front of him yesterday while I was trying to express my heartaches but he didn't listen.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
21 Jan 10
If his heart is that much hard,then it is worthless to live with him.You have to be a slave for your full life time.Do you love him madly so as to surrender your emotions and feelings?Then continue with him,ignoring your self respect.Can you think of yourself in that position and digest the outcome?
@larish (2213)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
I think you just let yourself cool down. That way you can think wisely. If you think that he deserves a lesson, I guess you have to stand still on giving him the silent treatment. If you are tempted to talk to him, you have to make yourself busy so that you will focus your mind on other things.
@pentagan12 (757)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
Yes, I think so. I really need to keep myself busy in order not to think about him. I know I deserve to have a break. I deserve to be happy.
@arystine (1273)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
It seems to me that you are being taken for granted. He does not have a good reason to stay mad at you. It's him who owes you an apology. Let him make the first move. Or if you want to make the first move, go ahead but don't apologize because you did not do something wrong.
@AcousticSoul (1309)
• United States
21 Jan 10
I would be honest with him and tell him how you feel. honestly you don't have to tolerate anything you feel is destroying you mentally it sounds like to me he is a bit immature and treats you as though you are beneath him, just from reading your paragraph. some guys take their anger and insecurities out on women because they believe they will just shake if off and be there the next day. you should stand up for you and treat yourself with more pride and dignity and say hay I am not going to admit to my faults as well as yours, we are both adults and have to take blame for each others actions, right and wrong... show him you mean what you say, and let him know their needs to be growth and if he don't respect that then you have to make the choice if you want to be with someone who doesn't value and respect your feelings...
@clocks123 (1225)
• United States
22 Jan 10
i think that in a relationship both of you should forgive and apologize if possible. he blamed you for his losing his card game? i don't see the sense in this. have a talk with him about your feelings concerning your always apologizing to him to make it right. it isn't working out for you, and he is angry and upset over such things as blaming you for his losing the card game that you brought bad luck.....i hope it works out for you and you both get the relationship where it should belong. best to you.
@maria1081 (1251)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
Stop beeing too convenient. He did that because he knew you will always be the one to make the first move to apologize. Relationship is give and take but it seems you are always giving more, stop being too convenient again. You are not a convenient store open for 24 hours a day and seven days a week and always open when someone needs it. Why would he blame you? He's being immature with his attitude. Make him feel that you are hurting with his attitude, make him realize your importance to him.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
21 Jan 10
Hi there. I think it is time, actually no, i konw it is time for you to put your foot down, FIRMLY. Who do think he is? You will not apologize. That is nonsense. If you keep this up, he will really break you down, bit by bit. Just for once, do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. And whenever he goes out to play cards again, stay home. I am sure that he will get the point eventually. Always remember, when a women apologize, it is not for what you did worng. Just say that you are sorry for beign right. And leave it at that. Have a nice day.
@vince06 (98)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
I feel sorry for you Pentagan..it is like your acting like your the guy in the relationship..for me it is always the boy who will find ways on how to make the relationship good after an arguement its is also in the guy action that can test his sincerity if he makes an effort to reconcile with you because its his fault well its good how much more if its your fault then he also the one who is making the effort of reconciling in that king of situation it will test your boyfriend's love to you..
@kerstinerose2008 (29)
•
22 Jan 10
Why don't you let him do the first move this time? Blaming you for just a game of card is completely immature of him. I guess this bf of yours is not really giving you the respect that you deserve. But don't get hurt if ever he will not do the first move, I have a feeling he will not do it because he knows that you love him more.
@Charl23 (41)
• United States
22 Jan 10
IMO, it sounds like he acts like a jerk. You should NEVER chase a man. They won't respect you and disrespect is a love killer. If he can't respect you, he can't love you. Of course apologize if you are in the wrong, but always making the overture to smooth things over, even when it's not your fault never works.
I was in a relationship like that and it was a HUGE mistake. Never again! If he can't ever take the blame and always expects you to be the one to make up, maybe it's time to let him walk. You deserve a man who puts you first in his life!
@chaycute (24)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
If you are the one always saying sorry to your boyfriend then he will take advantage to you. He will use his pride because he knows how you love him. If he really do loves you, he will never blame you for anything. It's like his card games is more important that you. In my opinion, It is much better to talk to him so that you can make things clear. Relationships by making it with 2 persons and not only 1. He should also know how to understand you especially what you feel.
@chulce (1537)
• United States
21 Jan 10
Okay, I am sorry, but your boyfriend needs to grow up. He should not be blaming you like that for his bad card game. Hello, it happens, deal with it and move on.
In the case of your self-esteem and your responsibility to him, you don't need to apologize for his mistakes, he needs to grow up and do it for himself. He needs to learn.
He obviously does not have any respect for you.
You need to stay mad at him and help him to understand that what he is doing to you is NOT OKAY. By giving in you are only hurting yourself.
If it seems that he can't get over himself and move off of this blame, then you know what, get away from him, there are other fish in the sea. He doesn't deserve you!
@beabenitez (153)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
self value is always important pentagan. if you value yourself more... then others will value you too. we as a person always know the truth if it is a false pride or it is an integrity we should have in ourselves. analyzed and decide for yourself because it is only you who can weigh things correctly and how u will carry it over to yourself. a vast world we have there, a lot of male species much more better than him if you will only look on the other side.
@healthbeauty (483)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
You know what we the same situation. He always blame me and even telling me that I have other guy even I don't. Sometimes when we are walking at the mall and when I said something that he didn't want he will just walk faster than me and leave me alone. Yes it really hurts because your not doing anything wrong yet he will just get mad at you. But from us I was the one who first do the move and say sorry.. (just making him guilty because he knows that it was his fault) but his reply to was @#$%# which really hurts me and sometimes i just want to give up but I really can't do it. So I keep on saying that I'm sorry, I will never do it again. I just lower down my pride and until came to the time that he said sorry to me and he will tell me that he had so many problems and he get easily mad. And he said to me that don't leave me. And I really don't. We just need to let them feel the guilt and after saying sorry to each other let one another know what you really feel.
@jain_ashish (91)
• India
21 Jan 10
it appears that your boyfriend takes you for a his punching bag,where he can take out all his anger and frustration.... it is right for you to think that if you make the first move, he will get a signal that he can take you for granted(which i am afraid he already does) and i feel you should not(since you always make the move)... if your relation is equally important to him, he will come up to you and sort this stupid thing out.. on an unrelated note , i think you should stop taking nonsense from him... and when you think he is acting sill and irrational, you should put your foot down and stop him there.... this is going to be difficult, but it is important for your pride....
