Giving up your life
By magrylouyu
@magrylouyu (1627)
United States
January 21, 2010 3:03pm CST
I am a 23 year old mom. I am married to my highschool sweet heart. We have 3 beautiful daughters together 6,4 and 6 months. He also has a son from an ex girlfriend 6 1/2. We live in NH and my parents live in CT. We were asked to move in with them because my mom is getting pretty bad. This is probably going to be pretty permanent for at least 5 or more years. She cant do much of anything anyore. I feel really bad that I cant be there and help. At the same time it is going to be really hard to just give up our life here in NH to move back to my home state. Would you find this difficult after raising your family for 3 1/2 years in another state to move back home? I'm going to miss all my friends up here. I have nothing left in CT but my parents. I feel like a little kid and I'm making a huge transition. How would you all feel?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
22 Jan 10
Is your dad not able to take care of her? I ask that because you said your parents live back in CT. If there is nothing left for you in CT, why not move your parents up with you? It would be hard to move your whole family back there. Plus, is your husband's ex going to let him take his son? I would try to find a way to move them up there. If not, it would be hard, but I'm sure you'd find friends once you move. Plus, if you had a happy childhood there it might be neat to watch your kids grow up in the same area.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Jan 10
The reason my dad cant care for her is because he works monday-friday he leaves at 5:30am and doesnt return until 5pm. So, him being tired and wanting to relax is understandable to me. We would be taking my stepson with us. I am hoping I can find some new friends once I move back "home" I just know it wont be easy to do. I would love to see my children grow up in the exact neighborhood I grew up in. I have always invisioned that mainly because it is a great neighborhood.
@good2go2001 (915)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I would feel the same way. I think you have a good reason to feel this way. At the same time i would go and take care of my mother too even if it made me feel bad to give up my current lifestyle. How does the rest of your family feel about the move? I will be a big adjustment for your children too. Hang in there you are doing the best thing to go take care of your parent. Im sure your mother very much appricates everything your doing for her. Use the internet to stay in contact with your friends, might help alittle. Would be a nice thing to have someone help with your mom for a week or so and take vacation to NH in the summer after youve made the move.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Jan 10
Oh yes it will be a huge adjustment as I grew up in that same town and all my friends ditched me after getting pregnant young. I guess that is just life though. That's what we are hoping, my husband and myself is coming up here every summer and on school vacations and what not. I'm hoping that and phone and internet contact will make it a little bit easier on us.
@alexysabelle (905)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
why don't you invite you parents instead?
that would be a lot easier. moving to them and leaving behind the life you start to establish together with your family is not an easy decision to do. i guess talking it out with your parents will help clarify the decision you are going to make.
good luck!
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Jan 10
That would mean them giving up the life they have known for 55 plus years. My dad has an amazing job and my mom has the only job she can get and that's crossgaurd and there are only 2 in the town I live in and I live in the middle of nowhere.
@chikahdorah (269)
• Philippines
21 Jan 10
I would really say that the day you got married was the day you choose your highest priority in your life which is you new family, your husband and children. It's hard to see your mom alone and having hard time. But I think she will understand if you choose to stay where you are now. You just have to visit here once in a while.
Your mom would also do the same thing if given the same situation. she would also choose you and your dad.
@tpatton82 (42)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I've made that choice once and I have to say, it's not an easy one to live with. I chose my new husband and baby over my mother when I knew she was dying. I knew she wouldn't be around for many more years and instead of going to see her more and dedicating more time to her, I stayed where I was. Turns out 18 months is all she had left and I have to life with my decision every day.
If your husband loves you and supports you, then you shouldn't have to make a decision between the two.
@tpatton82 (42)
• United States
21 Jan 10
Your kids are young enough it shouldn't affect them to a huge degree. I understand it would be hard on you, leaving your friends and the life you've made. I guess my biggest concern would be the son your husband has with his ex. What is that situation? Who has custody? Are there visitation with the other parent? That is the biggest thing I see that could possibly be an issue.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Jan 10
My husband and his ex had 50/50 custody but his BM only had weekend visitation. My husband has had residental custody since March 2007. My stepsons BM already gave us the okay to move and the courts already know this. Now as of today she just lost her visitation with her son until further notice. She is not what I would personally call a "fit" mother. I dont like putting people down but from what I have seen over 4 years it fits. She has a court file the size of a dictonary. Now her new accusation is that my stepsons right side of his face is fully bruised. She admitted to myself, my husband and mulitple frinds that she did do it but not hard. She told her oldest sons father she basicly "cold clocked" him. Sooo, there wont be anymore visits before we move. The only way she is allowed to see her son is if we allow her into our home. We MAY do that the day we leave just so she can say one final goodbye to him as we wont be able to afford to come back up here for at least 3 or so months.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
23 Jan 10
I really truely wish it was. Down fall with that would mean not seeing her husband of years and years they've been married almost 30 years and that's not including they have been high school sweet hearts since they were 16 so it's been over 40 years of love. I also live in low income housing and my land lord is a witch and doesnt allow anybody to live here. Trust me, I would love my mom to come here but I just cant.
@stormygrl (761)
• United States
21 Jan 10
That's a very hard decision to make, no other siblings or family members to help, is it sickness or other type of problem would help your decision.I'm sure you want to be there for your mom.You may regret it if you don't go but you also have to think of your kids and what it will be like for them, and how much of a strain this would put on your marriage.J feel for ya,I'm not sure what I'd do,it would be my mom though.
@pastorkayte (2255)
• United States
22 Jan 10
I had the same problem I lived in Indiana, in a nice quiet neighborhood, in a beautiful house, till my father got sick. Now I live on the East Coast where the cost of living is very high, and I had to bring my rather large family here. But, why not! The man who loved and cared for me my whole life, cared for me forever and protected me through everything needed me. It would have been selfish to me to say I cant give up my life and my friends so I can move to take care of my dad, when he would have giving up his life to protect me. Coming home, was hard to do but there really was no other choice for me, my parents made me first and thier youth and I will make them first in their old age.
@neededhope (1085)
• United States
21 Jan 10
I can somewhat relate. 7 years ago my grandmother got alztimers and my parents moved in with her. We moved into there house to keep the upkeep. 4 years after they finally sold there house. And just waiting for them to sell my grandmothers house so we could move. My husband and I thought my grandmothers house would sell fast. So once they signed the papers we moved to South Carolina. Since my parents were planning on moving down here as well once my grandmothers house sold. it's been 3 years and her house still hasn't sold. And it feels like our life really has been put on hold. In waiting for them.
Honestly I miss my parents daily. I don't talk to them as much as I use to. But the main reason I dont' do that is because I become emotional of the issue. So to deal with that I've lost myself into a game to keep my mind out of it. Honestly it's messed me up.
But I have no regrets because I know someday.. They will be down here. And just I pray and hope for it soon.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
21 Jan 10
Man. That's a rough situation. It is a high price to pay, but very well worth it as it sounds like your mom won't be around much longer. I know it is a devestating time and a tough thing to do! However, it is part of life and we face situations like this all the time. It will make us stronger, but that doesn't make it any easier!
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
I know this is a tough situation, But I would say move back to your mom, life is too short to wake up with regrets...especially now that she's not in a good shape,she won't stay too long in this world, your mom is more important than your friends, you can still find more friends there because its the place where you grew up.And your kids will enjoy as well to be with their grandparents, just try to make your husband understand.
I am also far from my mother but If my mom will ask me to come back home because she can't do anything, and if she's in bad condition, then yes I won't think twice..I'll be at her side right away, but i still have my three siblings staying with her so I don't have much problem to think about her situation.and she's healthy.
Your mom will be really happy and grateful to bond with your kids.. I know its not easy but let's pray to God, ask him for guidance and more wisdom.Good luck to you and God bless.
@Cherlove (20)
• China
22 Jan 10
magrylouyu,don't worry,things will get better. Maybe you can ask your parents to come to live with you,so you won't leave your friends,and you can also take care of your mother.
@pzybobo (2)
• China
22 Jan 10
Firstly, I am sorry for ur story.
Life is made up with many cross roads. We have to make decision in every singal day. So, be strong! Everyday is a bright new day!
