You're heart crushing, mind jumping, tornado spinning, worst day

The night my brother was in the worst accident of his life was rough. But the day I learned that he would be paralized from the waist down for the rest of his life that was worst than anything I had ever experienced. I was in shock and tried not to let it sink in. Then the neighbors called all day to find out how he was doing, so I told them. The 30th call, I couldn't take it any more. After that call, I went out in the field and sat in the tall hay and just cried. I was surrounded by nothing but hey. I could see no one, no one could see me, I couldn't hear the telephone. It was like time stood still and the world was silent. Eventually, I came to my senses and I could hear the birds, the wind, etc. I had to back in and answer the phone in case my parents called. That was before caller ID. I wouldn't have answered the phone if I could have avoided it.

Two worst days, actually, both equally traumatizing. The day my husband, without warning, told me he was leaving and filing for divorce--while I was trying to get myself together he walked into my son's room and bluntly made the same announcement, not even allowing me to soften the blow. That was almost 5 years ago. Two years ago I lost my oldest brother and I thought it would kill me--I still don't remember a couple of days from that time but the dogs were fed and watered and the house didn't burn down. I was all alone here--it seems I always am when my world explodes. At least I had God to comfort me. I remember laying on my bed crying and feeling someone pull me close-it was a real physical sensation and I've never felt so loved. Anyway, the divorce was one of the best things to ever happen to me as it turns out. I still miss my brother but he visits me in dreams and I can feel his arm around me as we walk around a garden and have a nice talk about stuff.