Feeling sorry for the people that live next to you.
By jugsjugs
@jugsjugs (12967)
January 29, 2010 7:19pm CST
Have you ever felt sorry for the people that live next door to you.I have 6 children and one of them do not sleep as well as another son has adhd which makes him very loud as well as he gets angry easy.Well we have a big problem at the moment as one of my sons who is 8 years old do not like sleeping in his room and we get him waking up at 2am screaming he wants to come in our room for the last 2 nights we have not given in and he screams all the time until he go back to sleep the people both sides of our house must also get woken up as well but we need him to sleep in his room when he wakes up rather than our room in our bed.
7 people like this
22 responses
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
30 Jan 10
You poor dear. Your situation is not funny. But I can imagine what your neighbors must be saying and thinking sometimes. You really have your hands full. My grandson has Asperger's and his anger and frustration levels go through the roof sometimes. He screams and yells as if someone were killing him. It usually happens early in the evening or night or in the morning when he is getting ready for school. I still expect Child Protective Services to knock on my door one day to see what is going on in my household. I often wonder what the neighbors must think. I don't feel sorry for them. On one side of me there are barking dogs. On the other side, I have a loud high school teenager who takes advantage of his Mom working long hours.
When all is said and done, each of us is doing the best that we can with what we have to work with, so we live and let live and pitch in to help where we can as good neighbors.@StarBright (2798)
• United States
31 Jan 10
Fjaril: Thank you, but you are entirely too generous in unearned praise. I have been cast into the same situation as so many other parents and grandparents. I am a grandmother who loves her grandson to distraction and feels blessed to be able to help her son whom she admires the heck out of. I am so proud of him for immediately stepping up to the plate and putting his son first and foremost in his mind when his wife decided she did not want to be a wife and mother to a 3 year old anymore (a 3 year old whom we discovered had Aspergers 
). Now there is my hero. He put his hurt and anger aside for the good of his son and he is one of the best parents I have seen anywhere. When you find that your child has a problem, the first thing you have to do is thoroughly research the problem and learn as much about it as you can. Next, you find what support is available to you, and proceed to help him or her in whatever way you can. The last thing you want to do is punish a child, or anyone for that matter, who is suffering already.
). Now there is my hero. He put his hurt and anger aside for the good of his son and he is one of the best parents I have seen anywhere. When you find that your child has a problem, the first thing you have to do is thoroughly research the problem and learn as much about it as you can. Next, you find what support is available to you, and proceed to help him or her in whatever way you can. The last thing you want to do is punish a child, or anyone for that matter, who is suffering already.@StarBright (2798)
• United States
3 Feb 10
Jugs: I can only imagine what your life must be like night after night. You need the patience of a saint and it must really tear at your heart at times. I don't know how the older children would take this or even if it is something that can be done, but is it possible to separate the two boys and let them sleep in with one of the other brothers or sisters? Maybe they would get along better apart altogether. Or, if they know they are going to be separated, maybe they will hate it so much, they will calm down more when they are together. Is it worth a try? I understand that emotional distress and sleeping problems affect children with dyspraxia as well as children with ADHD. You are going to have to do something or else you are going to make yourself ill. God bless.
@jugsjugs (12967)
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2 Feb 10
Some children do not understand what they have done or why they have done itmy 8 year old has dyspraxia where as the nearly 7 year old has adhd with them having to share a bedroom this is a living hell for the pair of them as no sooner is one as sleep the other wakes that one up and vice versa.It is a fight every bed time as well as every night all night.One lady who lives one side is old and i have been to chat to her where as the other side also have children as well as grand children that are living there at the moment.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
30 Jan 10
None of my neighbors are close enough to hear anything that goes on in my house. I used to have pool parties and sometimes they would go late, and I would kind of feel sorry for them then and would try to keep the noise down.That was outside though.
I don't have any children and have no advice to give you. The only thing I can say is your son will get the message soon. At least I hope so for your sake! I would think it would be affecting your sleep as well. Good Luck breaking him of this habit.@jugsjugs (12967)
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3 Feb 10
It is soo hard to try to break the habit as well as try to keep smiling with no sleep the following day.I looked in the mirror this morning and i look 10 years older as well as really ill through lack of sleep.My son of 8 as well as my son of nearly 7 share the same room so it is like a vicious circle every night where as they are waking each other up all night as one of them has adhd and never sleeps for long.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
3 Feb 10
Hopefully your son will break the habit soon and you can get some sleep. Good Luck!
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
12 Feb 10
Perhaps if you visit briefly with each neighbour...explain what is going on, what you are trying to do, apologising and offer them a little gift of ear plugs...they are readily available at a chemist and quite inexpensive. To tell you the truth, I think I would go crazy if there were 6 kids living next door to me...I'm very lucky and thankful that that is not the case.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Jan 10
hi jugsjugs nope as we are all adult some aged so there not much noise here. I was thinking before I saw your sonis 8 maybe you should stay with him in his room til he went to sleep, but at 8 years old he does know better. I do not like spanking but in this case after so much yelling I would be inclined to whack his little butt several times to get across the idea that screaming just will not do. I know he is a special child with adhd but it seems to me a lot of kids with that will get away with murder. I still think at times a couple of swift swats to the butt are better than just giving in when a child misbehaves. If his anger did not net him any response he just might stop with it already.
I would think that screaming like that could get the neighbors riled enough to call the police. I think that the screaming is something that cou ld be stopped with a judicious hand.
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
30 Jan 10
Hi, Hatley, saw your post and just had to respectfully disagree with you. I grew up in an era of spanking and I firmly believe there are times when a quick swat works well. However, when dealing with ADHD and Asperger children, the last thing you want to do is hit them. They learn their behavior from how you treat them. They are not always able to discern the right time and place for those behaviors. These kids are wired a little differently. That whack on the butt that you suggest could easily result in his being expelled from school when he attempts to do the same to another child that displeases him. When they go into a rage, you can see the stubbornness and resolve in their demeanor and attitude. It is important to discipline and be consistent with it, on that we can agree. However, I'm not sure a disturbed child that wakes up in the middle of the night seeking comfort from his parents warrants discipline. He has to understand that Mom and Dad's bed is off limits, but he also needs comfort. I would be more concerned about why he wakes up. Is he having nightmares? Does he wake up to go to the bathroom and can't get back to sleep? Is he afraid of the dark? As a mother, I'm sure Jugs has already checked these things out.
The only reason neighbors would call the police is if they thought Jugs was playing Mommy Dearest. Trying to stop a ADHD or Asperger kid having a tantrum is like stopping a yowling alley cat in heat. So the neighbors can save their dime. You only reason with these kids after they calm down. With time, patience and a lot of love, you can help them get their emotions in check.
@jugsjugs (12967)
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2 Feb 10
My 8 year old has dyspraxia and his younger brother has adhd the younger brother is not 7 yet.Smacking do not work as this will not as well as do not register with children like this.We found so far that the ignoring him rather than constantly in and out of his room works alot better most of the time now.My children do not get away with doing things wrong as i think that leads to alot of trouble as well as the child has to understand why things are not acceptable.The nearly 7 tear old son with the adhd is on medication during the day which in my eyes has made him alot worse.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
1 Feb 10
I imagine for you that this is a very difficult situation. I am blessed by the fact that both of my children are good sleepers and have been since they were six weeks old. They know that they are not allowed to come into our bed to sleep unless there is a terrible storm or something like that, so they stay in their own beds. I think that they are able to get a better quality of sleep that way because they aren't squished into a bed where they don't have enough space. I hope that you are able to work out your son's sleeping issues soon.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
30 Jan 10
These things can be annoying for a neighbour, but on the other hand, everyone with children faces these fases in the life of their children. They experiment with boundaries, have bad dreams and tantrums. You being able to not give in is very admirable. I hope your neighbours keep that in mind, even if that means a they have a couple of troubled evenings aswell. Hats off for bringing up 6 children!
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan 10
Hi Jugs the best you can do is let both your Neighbours know what is going on so that they are aware of the situation
I used to live next Door to a Family whose Younger Daughter has a Severe Disability and she used to go into bad Fits and scream all the time
There was nothing they could do about it but I was aware of this and when they apologized the next Day I used to tell them no need to apologize as there is nothing they can do or help it
This is not your Fault Jugs and if your Neightbours are aware of what is going on I am sure they will understand
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
1 Feb 10
yea,there was a woman in the apartment house next door that was beating beaten by her boyfriend.every other night they were going at it..we and every other house near them called the cops over and over on that guy.
he'd go to jail,and she'd let him back to start all over again.
they finally got evicted due to him wrecking the apartment and hallway walls.
i felt bad for her,but she wouldn't leave him.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
30 Jan 10
If there is nothing wrong in your son's room, nothing that is scaring him and he just wants company, I think you are doing the right thing. I've never raised children in a house or apartment that was close to the neighbors so I don't know how they react but I'm sure your son will learn quickly to try some other tactics or adjust to being in his room. I hope it goes well for you!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
1 Feb 10
Oh dear! It is not the neighbours that are doing it tough! I also have an eight year old who is terrified of the dark and flatly refuses to sleep in her own room. She will scream in terror if we don’t allow her to come to our bed. It’s got so bad now that we just put her in bed with me and my husband sleeps in the guest room because he is a loud snorer anyway. We had to come to this arrangement because in between his heavy snoring and her crying I was no longer functioning during the day!
@eileenleyva (27560)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Hi jugsjugs, pardon me but why couldn't your eight year old sleep in your room? One of the joys I had when my children were small was that we slept in one bed all the time they were growing up. Sometimes, we talked each other to sleep. The bedtime talk decreased their fears about their schoolwork or scary teachers, bully friends, or even ghosts.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
30 Jan 10
Oh, you are a kind neighbor, you are concerned of what is happening around you. Well you can talk to them and says sorry if they were bothered by recent activities at your house, so that they can understand. YOu can explain to them your situation, so that if they hear you out, maybe they can help you, give you some recommendation regarding your problem. Anyhow, I am not sorry for the family that live next to me because they are irresponsible people that are unconcerned on the people around them too.
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
30 Jan 10
No, I am the person who lives next door. I am the quiet one that gets driven up the wall by the other people's noise. But fortunately for me I live in an adult community. Once I lived next door to a horrible man who beat his wife and kids and we could hear this through through his walls and across our yard and through our walls. It was after that that we moved into an age-restricted community as I never wanted to have to put up with that again.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
30 Jan 10
not at all, at this time. when we got here, our two year old son is still a baby. and the neighbors saw how hyper active he is. and they learned and knew that we have a problem. so they understand, whenever he gets wild, at night or at daytime. 
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jan 10
oh yea! We have neighbors who are very loud. Running up and down stairs. BUT, our kids do the same thing and we can't seem to get them to quit. So it does work both ways. I feel sorry for you as well as your neighbors. It must be hard. My grandson has the same thing. It is very hard sometimes to put up with his ourbursts. He can really try your patience sometimes.
@vandana7 (100615)
• India
30 Jan 10
Hi jugsjugs, that is bad! You do need good sleep otherwise you could start getting irritated at every small thing! May be you could explain the situation to your neighbors. Normally folks are understanding enough and might even come up with some solutions, if they know any. Did you try to find out why your son doesn't want to be in that room? May be he is scared! I think consulting his physician may also help. Wish I really had a solution to offer. I can at the most suggest that you give your son a hot cup of cocoa around that time. A belly full makes kids sleep faster, and wont really harm him as it would be with milk I suppose.
