I wrote A song for a girl, I want some critism, here goes....

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Pretty Pulcher- Lasting impressions they pierce me so sweetly, The eyes of the beauty It haunts me It soothes me. All this time Spent on dreaming and wishing, would be better if I could Just build the courage to say how I feel. Those green eyes they shimmer so sweetly, And my dreams My lips Caress yours, we lock and we are one, Like the earth to the sun, My life is your my sweetness my life and my heart. Crimson darkness over shadows my deepest desires, and my love for you will burn a dozen fires. I sit there next to the mattress of sin, with a jar of marmalade used to company the Gin. As you lose your senses I enter the domain, violation is so sweet, so sweet and tame. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAHAHA BREE BREE BREE BREE!!!! BREE BREE BREE BREE!!!!!!!!!!