Relationships...exactly how much hard "work" should they really need?

When it isn't considered work, that's when it is right. What I mean is if it feels like you are improving your relationship or connecting on a different level by discussing the issues at hand, that is not work that is commitment & understanding. work at a relationship would mean forcing yourself to stay where you are truly not happy and don't see much happiness coming, or having the other not trying at all. That is just hopeless.

Hello Karen, I absolutely agree with you on that. There is nothing we should do forcefully to maintain a relationship. We become really successful when it is actually effortless. Otherwise there is a high possibility that, with our limited knowledge about relationships, we may tamper and spoil it even more. The more we get involved and obsessed within a relationship the more vulnerable it becomes. I think all we have to do is just to be sincere and honest in our relationships. We should develop a certain form of empathy. When we lack this specific thing, we become impossible. Hard work will not help any relationship, on the contrary it will ruin it. And yes, I too think that we have to giving lots of effort for a relationship to survive essentially means that the relationship is not the right one for us. Hope you are doing fine Karen God bless you

that sounds to me like a stressful relationship if a couple will say that their relationship needs hard work. if you found someone who is perfectly fit for you then like you said this all comes out naturally. doing something big for your love one is just a small thing for you are doing it with inspiration and persperation as well. har har har. a good relationship requires understanding but if that understanding only comes one way then you really need to work hard to maintain it. a truly good relationship requires a little of everything and it is a joy to do it for you are doing it for the love of your life.

I agree w/u 100%. U can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

I think once you get to the point where there's more 'work' than reward it's time to really evaluate the situation. And when the work is more a chore than a labour of love or when only one person is doing the work it's also a sign that something is amiss. I agree that it takes effort to maintain a healthy relationship but I also think that if two people are meant to be together then the only work that really needs to be done is a little maintenance here and there. In fact, I don't even like thinking of what we do in our marriage as work, even the word kinda bothers me. I prefer words like 'nurture' and 'effort', like you said. I guess how much work a couple needs to do really does depend on their individual personalities and them as a couple, some relationships do need more 'work' than others.

good discussion peacefulwmn9! (karen) for me, it takes hard work to make a relationship work. hard work means, doing sweet things, planning carefully your date, thinking about presents on special day, adjusting your attitude that will suit his/her, giving time, spending time, etc. give your best shot. than regret. :-)

Hey Karen, I don't know how much work is too much work on a relationship. I am going through quite a bit of problems right now on one and don't know when the time is to give up! I know that I am getting more and more fed up everyday because I am tired of hearing my bf telling me his crap! He doesn't seem to really care about my feelings and what I have done for him in our relationship and pretty soon if I lose my patience and temper I will make the decision for him to leave and that will be all! He thinks that we can still remain friends and I keep telling him once he leaves my apartment we are done and I mean it because that means he has given up on us and is looking for someone else and I don't want anything to do with him! And he just doesn't get it! But, I guess he will in the end because I'm not kidding! Nobody does that to me!

a very hard work to do in a relationship to work, all you need to do is patience and trust and anything that will make you too happy together.

Hi Karen, I could relate to what you're saying. Sometimes it's just too much work. I've even found myself asking, if all this work is really worth it. I really don't know the answer. Maybe it is telling me that it's time to move on. But sometimes I don't know if I am just too numb(or dumb), or I just love my kids too much not to want to jeopardize their future.

Hi peaceful, Relationships, in order to last must be rooted in mutual love and trust. I believe that it is essential to work at it everyday. We are taught in our church that to love is to serve. My mentor said that "Love is about dirty hands, not beating hearts." This means that love is about service and not based on feelings alone. There will be times that you do not feel like serving your loved one and worse, you do not feel like loving him and even hate him at the moment. Well, continue serving him anyway. Loving actions will be followed by loving feelings. Now we ask, when is too much? If we are already abused and disrespected it's now time to show our loved one TOUGH love. How can we show tough love? If he abuses you or in anyway continue to hurt you, get out of the relationship. Tell him to change his ways if she wants you back. Remember, we should learn to love ourselves first before we can love other people. In this way you preserve your dignity and self-respect. Then continue loving him by praying to God that He will help the other person change.

Relation is hard to maintain.Falling in love is easy, but it's difficult to keep.Less true love in this world now.

Relationships are very hard, couples relationship, friendship and family relationship they all require really hard work. Couples relationship in especially require harder work, you need to dedicate time to your partner, show him how important his is for you. You are right saying that the effort comes naturally, at least I feel it that way, it is a necessity to make the other person feel good. But at the end of the day it does take hard work and it require that you adjust your life when the other person gets in.

If you truely love each other and everything is equal it shouldn't be hard work. It should come naturally. At the beginning it does require some work because of the getting to know each other. I have been married for 15 years been together for 20 years and my marriage is great. It's not always perfect but it's not hard work. Work like a team.

Hi Karen, Perhaps I shouldn't be responding to your question because my husband and I have come to a really rough patch in our relationship. But I really need to find an answer to your question, "how much hard work is enough?" We had a daughter 3 years ago and it seems that my desire to work at my relationship with my husband has faded away. Is all of my emotional energy going to my daughter with nothing left over for him? I don't feel I get the support I need and I'm tired of having to be the one that does the bulk of the work. Maybe what seemed a good relationship was just an illusion?

I don't agree. I've been married 23 years. Over those years, there were times when the relationship required so much work to make it through the heart aches we were going through, that it didn't seem worth it. But after we came out on the other side, I can assure you it was well worth it! Nothing in life that's worth keeping is worth giving up!

when you are willing to put in the work and happy to put in the work, OK, but when you are hurting yourself by compromising things that are important to you, huge problem...

Unless you are required to have a relationship with someone, if you are finding you have to work on it, discuss it with the other person, you may then agree to forget it or go on. What ever the feelings between you both should be more open.

I feel that if a relationship takes so much work it prevents you from functioning and feeling normal then its to much. I know for myself it took a long time to realize this. I worked so hard on my marriage for over 15 years and now im just at the point i want to get out of the relationship someday. The work it takes to maintain it is overwhelming and has negatively impacted my life. You are %100 right if a relationship is ment to be the effort will come naturally. I have maintanced a long distance relationship for couple years now and im not saying its not work but its natural and nurturing type but work, much different!

Honestly I have not tried having a relationship with a girl before but allow me to share about things I believe should be the right thing to a relationship... First we can only have good relationship if both feelings are MUTUAL. If only 1 is giving 100 percent in the relationship and another one shall we say 80 % for sure relationship will go on BUT both feel unsatisfied of some certain aspects... I say relationship will go on if the 100 % will be given by a woman.... Second.. it would be more effective if the things you do in a relationship should as much as possible do not entail something in return... because the more you expect that your partner should also do.. when you give.. the more dissatisfaction you feel and it would probably result to confrontation and jealousy... Lastly, There is no such thing as perfect relationship in this world except our relationship to GOD BUT two things for sure is perfect to me.... It is when the TIME you spare and spend together as couple working hand and hand to build stronger relationship... : D and the moment you are MUCH IN LOVE with each other... cherish the moment even if you think it short...

There are no such a thing as a relationship, in order for any two people to live together they must ingage in daily relations, it is not something that exsists on its own.