Which one is the worse trap?

it is a lot worse being with some one for kids or money, i've put up with it for a long time. my partner doesn't see it thou, he's wondering why i want out. but when your not allowed to do something and have to say jump when he says. even thou he's spoilt rotten in a sense. like everything done for him, food cooked clean up after him etc. even if he won 1 million bucks in lotto i'd still be wanting to walk away. there's some things u can't fix.

i'd rather be in a situation where i could leave any time i wanted. at that point, i don't care if i'm giving 100% because if they aren't, why should i?

if you are staying when you could leave, then you ARE giving 100% effort - staying because you CAN'T leave is worse, it leaves you feeling helpless/powerless and that just gives the abuser more power

I was going to choose the first trap but being unhappy just to be around for the kids is kind of torture as well. Not to be selfish but if I'm going to make it work, I gotta work well, that means mentally and as well as spiritually. I would then choose the second route. Perhaps love is meant to be found a second time around not the first for I have known that to happen a lot. You're with someone you love so much just to find that it doesn't work out. You go on with life and by chance you've found each other again when you're older, more mature and stable. Life is great that way then. So yes, trap number 2. =)

Life is too short to live unhappy. I can't do it myself & really i don't think anybody should live unhappy. U can give 100% but sometimes that is still not enough. When there is so much water under the bridge over the years it gets to the point of not being able to make it go away. It's not going to get better only worse.

Only cowards would abandon a relationship. Women don't see that no matter how bad the personality of the man is, he still is willing to take care of the business in its totality. Yet its up to the woman in the end. Every boy gives freedom to his girl.

Well I stayed mainly because of the Children but also hoped it would still work but nope it never did and I could take no more after 21 years

The worse trap in my opinion is knowing that someone has the potential to change but am not willing to because of something called ego. Sorry out of topic from your description, but I feel strongly about this worse trap definition of mine.

I must say, the first one is worse. That would be the situation I'd be in if I wanted to leave. I'll be honest, the thought popped into my head once or twice over the years, especially shortly after the twins were born because we were constantly so stressed and did nothing but fight all the time. But no matter how badly I wanted to get out of my marriage, I'd never be able to. I'm a stay at home mom without a dime to my name... where would I go? I don't have a lot of friends or family to take me in. I don't think being in that situation forces you to work it out... I think it actually makes you slightly more resentful.

Not being happy all the time with your partner is not abnormal in fact I am sure there is no one out there who feels blissfully in love all the time and is never angry or fed up with the person they are with. I guess it is a matter of determining how unhappy one can be and whether life would honestly be better away from the relationship. If things are really unbearable I don’t think it is wise to live in misery especially with children as I don’t think it is good for them to live in tension. Life is short and in my opinion once no stone has been left unturned and you can tell yourself that you have given it your all the time may have come for you to move on but not before making all possible effort.

I think that the first one is the worst, because they have lost all hope and yet are forcing themselves to stay in a prison of unhappiness and discontent. They seem to have convinced themselves, for whatever reason, that they do not have a choice in the matter, but they really do have a choice. It makes me sad to think that someone would choose this kind of life rather than trying to be happy, because life is very fleeting and we should try to fit as much joy as we can into whatever time we have, in my opinion. In the second scenario, the person not only seems to have hope that things can get better but also is working on trying to recapture that happiness. I think it is far better to realize that you can leave but choose to stay than to convince yourself that you do not have a choice in the matter. I think that choosing to stay is the important part, because it means that you want to be there and want to make things work. If the person is convinced that they have no choice but have to stay, then they are the ones that are not giving 100% to the relationship, in my opinion. The person that realizes that they can leave at any time but chooses to stay, on the other hand, is making a very conscious attempt to be in the relationship.

Yo, Dawnald. First of all i must point out a small error on your issue: while one know can broke and leave anytime mean NOT is never giving 100% of his/her best to make the relationship work or restart. Effort he/she invest may be - and probably is, usualy, full or close to .. While tired of try and fail, suddenly will cease and simply leave. As a trap, I think both are similar and the "I can leave anytime" and the "must hang on with, even if is hell" are both false presumptions. Once one from the couple start thinking "this is hell !", there is only one way out: an open dialog with the otherone ! Which will lead to "problem solved" or "end of journey together". Kids have nothing to do with. Is whorst to keep the couple .. childrens will know something is wrong maybe before parents realize ..

I think knowing that you are stuck because of kids or money is worse. Because you are always tied to them through kids or you feel that you are absolutely hopeless because you know that you don't have money to get away from a bad situation.

The WORST trap is that you are in a situation wherein you can make a decision to change your life and you are not doing it. You have the right to do what makes you happy. Making your life miserable also makes the people around you miserable as well. I'm not saying that you break vows or rules. Just don't go into such an agreement in the first place so that nothing will be broken in the end. Only you can save yourself and nobody else.

what a great question. i think be trapped in an unhappy relationship and feeling like you can't get out is worst. it beats you down to the ground. you don't see any way out of the mess yourself into. damn it girl..... you are asking some good questions.

being stuck with no money to get out. been there,done that..had two jobs,still none leftover..called for help. help came,bye bye. if i'd had the money to leave earlier,he wouldn't have seen my dust.

I would try to keep in mind that I have only one life at this time, no matter what your believe. To live that life unhappy for whatever reason is to sacrifice the life.

Never ever stay in a relationship because of the children. I lived all my childhood with parents who stayed together because of the children and I was so adversly affected. The scars are carried for life. A trial separation of 6 months may be the answer. Sometimes a peson may need to get away to fully assess her/his life. I dunno. Many women do stay because they could not manage without the money or they love their homes. Whatever. Unless both partners will go into counselling and be willing to learn and accept and respect each other's differences then it doesn't make much sense to stay. Childen are not the reason to stay though - that I am so sure of.

I think that the worse for me would be to feel like I was forced to stay. I think that by feeling like I could get out if I wanted to would give me a little more happiness in a bad situation. I don't like feeling trapped.

Wow really good question, although personally I wouldn't stay if I was unhappy. I would leave. I suppose that if I have to choose I would say that the first one would be worse. The reason I say that is because in the first one it seems as though the decision is already made and although you aren't happy you have decided to stay. I suppose that would be worse for me. However I think that both situations are horrible reasons to stay in a relationship. First of all, staying in a relationship even if your miserable just because you have children is horrible. Children are highly intelligent. They will pick up on tension and dislike in the house, especially between parents, I speak from personal experience. Secondly it has been studied and it is thought that emotions are contagious so if you and your partner are not happy with a situation or relationship, chances are your children will pick up on those emotions and reflect them. I think that if you are unhappy in a relationship and you have tried to fix it but nothing works, then it is time to move on and try to be happy. You will never be happy if you are in a relationship that you don't want to be in and staying in it just because of whatever reason, isn't a good idea, it just breads hostility and bad relations. I hope that you aren't in one of those positions and that you have a happy life. Happy mylotting.