Form letters grrrrrrrrrr
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85146)
Shingle Springs, California
February 4, 2010 10:42am CST
It's been a pretty hectic 2 weeks. First Dearra gets sick. Then there's the runaround with the insurance and the prescription and everything. Then the medication doesn't work as quickly as it could. And she's upsetting herself because it's hard to swallow the pills. But we're finally getting her back to school and caught up and the teachers and the school counselor have been very understanding. I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
That's when I get the form letter in the mail. Due to my daughter's "habitual" attendance problem, from now on she will need to bring a doctor's note for every absence. WTF? The school knows she's getting a dang ulcer. I've been leaving messages to that effect every day for two weeks. 
Then it says if she has a chronic problem I "must" have the enclosed form filled out by a doctor and returned by a specified date.
Yeah sure. Don't piss me off by saying my daughter has a "habitual" problem and then tell me I "must" anything. We are dealing with the situation the best we can. Double grrrrrr.....
Of course I realize that the school is doing this because of the state and the fact that they are losing state money every time she's absent, but still... A form letter. Little did the poor assistant principal know that he was dealing with a stressed out mom who has a problem with authority. I hope I didn't sound too "psycho b*tch" when I left that message on his machine. 
Must repeat to self, "it isn't personal, it isn't personal"... Deep breaths... 
This too shall pass...
Then it says if she has a chronic problem I "must" have the enclosed form filled out by a doctor and returned by a specified date.
Yeah sure. Don't piss me off by saying my daughter has a "habitual" problem and then tell me I "must" anything. We are dealing with the situation the best we can. Double grrrrrr.....
Of course I realize that the school is doing this because of the state and the fact that they are losing state money every time she's absent, but still... A form letter. Little did the poor assistant principal know that he was dealing with a stressed out mom who has a problem with authority. I hope I didn't sound too "psycho b*tch" when I left that message on his machine.
Must repeat to self, "it isn't personal, it isn't personal"... Deep breaths...
This too shall pass...8 people like this
17 responses
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
4 Feb 10
Compose your own form and send it to them and ask that they reply within 48 hours orelse you may become quite cross!
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (160626)
• United States
4 Feb 10
I do not know what to say except double grr. Many doctors have gotten to where they automatically ask if you need a note. I hope that you were just psycho enough that they will use gloves when dealing with you.
Many doctors have gotten to where they automatically ask if you need a note. I hope that you were just psycho enough that they will use gloves when dealing with you.4 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
The doctor actually did give me a note. When Dearra went back to school, nobody asked for it. Anyway, I don't want them to use gloves. lol I want them to listen to what I'm saying and believe it and understand that Dearra and I are doing the very best we can in a difficult situation.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
4 Feb 10
I think you should talk to school principle and explain the situation. make sure you are not angry, but very firm and official. They have to change their behavioral problems, some teachers are nuts...
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
4 Feb 10
I've never had a disagreeable form letter, but things were easier a hundred years ago when my sons were in school.
The only form letters I received were sent back the next day with red letter corrections to all the spelling and grammatical mistakes. The boys delighted in taking them back and were never penalised because of it.
3 people like this
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
4 Feb 10
I agree "habitual" is offensive because it infers that you are "making a habit" of it and therefore something decided by choice, whereas you had no choice in the matter: it was a medical expediency. A polite letter would be in order.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
Yep, I tend to agree. And if my letter is factual and not containing value judgments, they might even appreciate the feedback! :-)
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
Hilarious - I wouldn't have had the nerve!
That's funny, because over lunch I was thinking about what it was about that darn letter that ticked me off so much. Other than the lousy timing... And it occurred to me that the use of the word "habitual" was what started it. I think if it had said "excessive" or "frequent", I would have taken it better. Those words are factual, whereas "habitual" carries a value judgment. Maybe I should e-mail the Vice Principal back with some suggested changes.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
4 Feb 10
I know this might upset u but do u think we may be kin? lol. I don't blame u i would be upset w/the letter to.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Glad u claim me have some that don't, lol.
3 people like this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Feb 10
Hi Dawn,
Sensitivity among school administration in cases like this one is missing. they do not have the heart to empathize with parents who's kid is sick and not for any reason for being absent...they know this but you're right--they are more on what they will get and not if this thing will continue.
i was able to journey with you for the past two weeks and i assure you dawn that i can understand what you feel right now. i know it's not personal but still things like this must be taken cared of with SENSITIVITY among the authorities. hope deara is fine now.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Feb 10
It was really a secretary who sent it, but the Vice Principal's name was on it. So I do believe I am going to follow Cloudwatcher's advice and write him a polite letter telling him how they can reword that letter so that it is factual and less likely to tick people off.
1 person likes this
@msfrancisco9369 (10002)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Feb 10
that's the best thing that we parents can do...we can always handle these things politely. i hope this will be responded to positively by the school authorities. good luck friend!
1 person likes this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
4 Feb 10
Breathe.......deep breathe............compose. Ohmmmmm. Ready?
Now!! Go give that school a piece of your mind. Make it very clear what you are dealing with and how you do not appreciate receiving a form letter saying your daughter has a "habitual" problem.
Go straight to the principal or the school superintendent on this issue. Wave that form letter in his face a few times. Let the school know you and your daughter need their support right now and not the added weight of their false accusations. You need your stress lowered and not raised.
(breathing) Ok, so now I am sounding like the psycho-mom. phew! Yes, I have been where you are. I do understand how mad and angry you get when someone threatens your child in any way.
You go, girl. Chew that school up. Make sure they know it is not in their best interest to mess with you or your children.
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
lol Now that I am calmed down and can laugh about it, I might just drop the nice Vice Principal a note suggesting how their form letter could have been better worded. :-)
@BarBaraPrz (47274)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
4 Feb 10
So, did they answer back after your message?
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
I got an e-mail back. I think he was too scared of "psycho mom" to actually call me.
No, actually it was really early in the morning and he was out of town, but had picked up his phone messages. I'm sure he didn't want to call that early, and for all I know, couldn't call later.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
5 Feb 10
oh boy.
1.get it documented
2.mention "lawyer".frequently.
because their next step will be to try to declare her "wayward".
they tried this with me,even tho i had a doctor stating i was ill.
the one year i was hospitalized 3 times due to reoccuring illness,and the girls' dean tried exactly that.
too bad for her,she picked one of the 3 times i was in the hospital,and made herself look like a total *ssh*le to the school board.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
4 Feb 10
I had the same delimma with my son...he missed school...his was allergies...so bad he had pus pockets on his throat....I got about the same letter..something about him being truient....so even after doctors notes etc they didn't believe me....well I took him in and showed him is throat!!!!! It took a double strength antiboitic to get it under control....also redoing his room. I took the panelling down and there was mildew on all the walls....once this was taken care of he was good. I also could have been considered what you might sound like....a b*tch!
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Feb 10
Well if nobody will listen to you, sometimes you have to get that way...
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
4 Feb 10
hi Dawnald,,
I think these days people in authorities are like little Hitlers and don't care hoots about anything but money.
Tamara
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
5 Feb 10
You know, when things like this happen it is almost impossible to know who to get mad at! It sounds unreasonable to call Dearra’s absence from school ‘habitual’ that’s for sure but I would guess these are letters that are automatically generated so your ‘It isn’t personal …’ mantra is worth repeating... And if all else fails GRRRRR!!!
2 people like this
@laura_lmaxi (678)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Oh I understand you, you don't sound like a psycho, it is very frustrating all the bureaucracy of any government agency, sometimes they contradict each other, as it is happening to you, so on top of the poor girl was sick and she has problem that everybody knows about, they make it even worst asking you for stupid forms that you have to waste time in fill out, and then they put a label on your daughter like "she has a problem", that doesn't even let the poor kid develop like a normal one, she has a lot on her plate, and then they label her.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Feb 10
It was very frustrating last night, but oh well...
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
7 Feb 10
Here in the UK they are very strict on this thing now
When a Child is absent regular the Parents have to get a Doctor Note and also fill out Forms
What I do not understand is why they could not have told you this while you there explaining
Instead they send it by Letter which to me is being a coward
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Feb 10
See when I phone in, it's to an automated system. And when they send the letter, it's the secretary saying, "oh this child has too many absences". And the teachers and the school counselor don't go talking to the secretary and saying "don't send your silly form letter because the child is getting an ulcer"... It's kind of like the government. Oh wait! It IS the government...
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Feb 10
hi dawnald oh those form letters, I hate those things, and they are so impersonal and so irritating too.As if the mom was not already doing the best she can. But the school system runs on that crap and all the absences mean less money altho that sure doesnt help how you feel getting the darned thing. We went through some of the same thing until we got help to put my son into a private school , his crime in lower grades was to stare out the window in boredom. So he had an IQ test, and it confirmed what I thought, he was bored stiff as he had a much higher than normal IQ so once in a private school where he was allowed to work at his pace he made all a's as he was now challenged. No ADh e
tc and no medications needed, just some common sense. Now why after you telling them that your Dearra has the beginnings of an ulcer, do not they get the picture? So you have to fill out a form for each absence wow? well just keep telling yourself the school system's known for its bureaucracy and no they are most impersonal, most.
tc and no medications needed, just some common sense. Now why after you telling them that your Dearra has the beginnings of an ulcer, do not they get the picture? So you have to fill out a form for each absence wow? well just keep telling yourself the school system's known for its bureaucracy and no they are most impersonal, most.1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Feb 10
It was the secretary on automatic pilot. I really do think I should write back and tell them exactly why their darn letter was annoying and how they could word it better. (evil grin)
