Contradictions

True friendship for me is supporting one another. Accepting each other faults and helping out to move on. Never tolerant with mistakes and making your friend realize those mistakes to be free from scurn and harm. I don't believe on covering a friend for one mistake because it will worsen the scenario he/she is in; that is not helping out for me.

Hi Dawn. I don't think the two are contradictory. I can surround myself with positive people and gain strength and motivation from them, but that doesn't stop me from passing that on to NEEDY people. (Not all negative people are needy - or at least not aware of their need) However, all needy people need a positive influence and being that positive influence does NOT have a negative influence on the giver. While the positive person may be discouraged and downheartened by the problems of the other, the act of cheering the person and being a positive influence reflects back on the person and cheers the giver as well. Yes, it is possible to surround oneself with positive people and still be a good friend to those with problems - but not necessarily to negative people (who delight in being negative)

You mean mutually exclusive? I think that you can do both. Sometimes in considering the first one, you realize that someone who is a negative influence is NOT a good friend and you never should have invested the time in them that you did. Perhaps to THEM it seems like you are abandoning them, but if they used you or took advantage of you, then why would you need to be a good supportive friend? I recently dealt with a situation like this with a person who WAS a mutual friend of both myself and my best friend. She was bent out of shape that we spent more time with each other than we did her, but she was constantly trying to take advantage of my friend and force her to hang out or watch her daughter or do things for her (like pack up her apartment). It had told my best friend that OF COURSE I would do something like that for her at the drop of a hat, or anything else, but that's because that's how our relationship is. We just do things like that for each other, to the degree that we can, it doesn't even have to be asked for really. She would never dream of coming by my house without calling and telling me 'here, watch my kids, I am driving to Vegas for the weekend' and I would never dream of going off on her because instead of hanging out with me, she wanted to spend some time with her husband lol. Anyway, I consider that totally different than someone becoming terminally ill. To me it can still be a positive thing - I mean the continuation of the friendship and the support can still be a positive thing. I would never imagine deserting a friend because they got sick or found out they were dying. I have occasionally decided that I am going to let a friendship go though due to it being too one-sided or everything is negative and there is nothing positive left, or I am being taken advantage of or it is encroaching on my family time. Friendships also include give and take. If your friend invests as much in you as you do in them, then it will remain strong. If they don't, yet they expect you to continue investing fully, that isn't really fair, is it? You'd have to decide on your priorities in a case like that....

Nobody can be positive 100% of the time. Even the most upbeat person will get down about something, and that's when they need their friends to be supportive. No you shouldn't dump a friend just because they're forgetting to look on the brighter side of things... or maybe they're in a situation where there is no bright side. But there are people who can be destructive to your own well being. My mother is like that. She's just surly, rude, spiteful. She always has been. She snaps on people for no reason what so ever, has no compassion or understanding. She doesn't treat me that way anymore, not since I lived with her, but I still have to hear countless stories about the guy who ticked her off because he didn't automatically realize she was blind! People like that you don't really want to be friends with. I put up with her because she's my mother, and I've learned how to deal with it. I vent to my husband about how I feel about her attitude, but I don't let it affect me at all. If I let it affect me I'd be a miserable person!

Life is contradictory. Was the person being selfish? Yes,a bit, but I do understand why. Should we listen and help people? Yes we should but we must not let it consume us if possible. Soemthing that I have great difficulty with. Many of us if they are off loading too much and we cannot deal with it emotionally should try to get them to seek professinal help as well. I would not listen or refuseto help. who knows what can happen next? I tmay be me wanting someone to listen to me.

The contradicion could be resolved if you shift the reference frame to withing the other person, say your depressed friend. It is important to shift our perceptions. If one is also helping someone who is in difficulty help always comes to you, when you need it from some quarters, not necessarily frm the same person one has helped. To expect something in return from the person who one has helped is worldly wisdom, to be firm on the faith that help will be arranged by Providence from somewhereelse is transcendental wisdom. So, I for one do not see any contradiction. In the case of the cancer patient surrounding himself with positive people, it is quite understandablethat he needs energy to be "pushed through him. Another low energy person in the group would only be a consumer.

I will try to make it simple. Some people are emotional and energy vampires. They drain your energy. If you are sick, you need good, positive energy, people who love you the way you are and not going to let you down. Once a while you have to make your friends inventory and see if you are not involved in toxic relationship. Toxic relationship can kill people who have cancer.

Pretty contradictory, huh. Here's what I think. I think they can be contradictory, depending on how one looks at it. If you have someone whom always want to surround himself or herself with positive and like-minded persons, he or she will be missing out too. Because sometimes when we mix around with people whom need our help, we learn top notches of everyday life's learning curve for sure. Like spend 1 day volunteering in the hospital with the elderly and they are not necessarily positive people, and you get a certain perspective. Get what I mean...or have I delved deeper than what the hole digs?

hi dawnald I think you can surround yourself with positive p eople but still support a friend who is feeling down. Some times you have to have empathy for your best friend and the best way is just to let her talk while you listen.yesterday my best friend Nelda took me to the bank,and on the way told me all the really groady things that were bugging her at work yesterday. all I did was listen and make a comment or two.But she seemed much more relaxed by the time she brought me back to Gold Crest so just listening can help at times. At other times here I do try to stay around the people here who seem the most positive and who can smile and laugh. The biatchers seem to pull me down with them and make me feel tired and sad. So I avoid them as much as I can.

I think u can be both. Everyone is not going to be positive all the time but u can still be a good friend to them & them to u. U just have to take people as they are & they have to do u the same way. Happy weekend.

No one will ever have any friends if they take things so literally... That idiot looked at me wrong.. I'm going to beat him senseless in the alleyway.. uh.. being supportive in that instance would make the friend the idiot not the one taking the beating lol If everyone just ditched their friends just because they are having a bad day or are going through a hard time.. then everyone will be a loner sitting in the dark rocking back and forth talking to their friend the ball that they named Wilson... Myself, I consider myself a loyal and supportive friend. So when I went through a hard time in college and sought out the support of my friends and they all turned away and pretended I didn't exist... it hurt big time. Surround yourself with positive people.. even positive people will time to time be negative if they are your real friends and feel comfortable enough to be real with you. It is possible to be both of those things without contradicting one or the other. Just a person shouldn't be trying to be so exact and so literal about them that is all really.

Hello Dawnald, Very good question indeedy!!! I can relate to the person with cancer who will surround himself only with positive people. Imagine you're not well and the people around you keep talking about your disease. It will act as hypnosis does and trigger something in your brain that will be negative. On the other hand, you want to be supportive to your friends if they're not well. But my sister is barely out of a depression and I have to admit that I havent been the best of friends. I dont understand what she's going through and I seem to always say the wrong things......So Im sort of staying away for her own good. Im not sure what the best answer is here. I try to be available for people who need me and see if they call me or if they're receptive. Hope I make sense!!

Yes you can do it, but we all have to understand that we can be happy and bubbly every single minute of your life. But you do can surround you by people that love life and have certain positivism and hopes. These two qualities are contagious and can help people that goes through tough times. I have a couple of friends that are extremely negative, they only call me if they have any problem, but they don't call me to go out, or to tell me something nice that lift my mood a little bit. This is the kind of people that you shouldn't be friends with, they put you in such a depress mood that you really hate the humanity.

nobody known all things in the world. in the friendship everybody sharing their ideas and feelings. one says wrong then automatically next one correct it. the contradictions in the friends is common and they agree slowly which is correct. this shows the validity of the friendship.

Yes it is As that is what a Friend is no matter what bad or good times so yes you can still be a good Friend to your Friends who are down and out

I think the people you choose to associate with should contribute something positive to your life, but people may choose you, who are needing that positive energy reinforced and hope it comes from you. It is kind of like the positive people charge you up, so you have positive energy to give to others.

True friends are there no matter what! If they are good people doesn't mean that they are positive! I also have a hard time with negative people..in fact I have also cut some of them out of my life....they drag you down so far it's hard to look up when you are around them. But when you are positive you can be a good friend to someone who is down and out.....that's what friends are for....a soft place to fall besides the fun things you share.

Hey dawn! I'm not really sure that I know the answer to this question as they are definitely contradictory as you have said! I could never turn away from anyone even it they were being negative or trying to push people away. I do that myself sometimes and some of my friends do stop calling for awhile and I guess I understand sort of, but I couldn't do that myself. But, if you are really a "true friend" the meaning of the word says it all! A true friend would never turn their back on you no matter what! Even if you were at your lowest point in life and you wanted them to go away, you would still fight to be there for them no matter what! I might be negative at times, but I still no the true meaning of friendship!

There is a difference between someone going through a bad patch and people who are habitually negative and don’t want to change although they may say they do. My mother is a perfect example of a really negative individual. She thinks that our lives are so much worse than anyone else’s and I’ve even heard her say that God listens to everybody else’s prayers except for ours, meaning our family! She’s had difficult times but no worse than a lot of people and there are some unfortunate souls who have gone through really terrible stuff and their spirit still shines. I abhor my mother’s attitude, her life is not so bad and all she does is succeed at bringing every body around her down; that is the sort of person one should avoid. A friend who is down and out deserves help; negative destructive people should be left on their own to dwell in their misery.

I think that it is a bit of a contradiction but I guess I would think of it as someone that was negative all the time. Not really someone that was going through a rough patch. There's no way you could be a good friend if you dropped them like a hot potato because they were having a tough time. Now if they were a constant negative influence..that's different.